As of Christmas morning, I'm engaged!!! Gabe woke me up Christmas morning by telling me that he hadn't wrapped my gift, and made me hold out my hands and close my eyes. Inside the little black velvet box was a BEAUTIFUL, one of a kind, Black Opal (only found in Australia) and White Sapphire ring, set in white gold. And he asked me to be his WIFE! It was the most wonderful Christmas EVER!!! Anyone else have anything exciting happen for Christmas?

So we were driving down the street to go get lunch a few weekends back when we happened across this beauty! It makes you wonder if this was a planned attempt to get peoples attention, or if it was by some cosmic chance, completely overlooked by any of the clergy and church-goers. Maybe it's just my perverted mind that is taking it out of context. The world may never know!

What sign of the Zodiac am I? Pisces 80 % Cancer 73 % Scorpio 66 % Virgo 60 % Gemini 60 % Taurus 53 % Capricorn 53 % Sagittarius 53 % Aquarius 46 % Libra 46 % Leo 40 % Aries 33 % Take the Zodiac test here!

Amidst a pletora of rumors stating that I had fallen off the face of the earth, I have come to say that I AM still alive and kicking. That is all! PS - I hate the holidays!

So I was walking down the isle at Tower Records and on one side of me is CD's and on the other is a makeshift isle in the middle of the main isle where they keep their collectables. So there I am walking around minding my own damned business when this little preppy ass teenie bopper walks to where they have the collectables, picks up a Jesus doll, and I kid you not (I have witnesses) said, while really meaning it: "oh My GOD!!! Jesus is like, SO IN this year!" I kid you not... It took all of my energy not to grab the little trend whore by her perfect ponytail and bash her head into the display with all my might until her face was nothing more than a quivering and spurting mass of GOO!!! Instead, I just laughed...

Bill Cosby, with Jesse Jackson CHICAGO - Bill Cosby went off on another tirade against the black community Thursday, telling a room full of activists that black children are running around not knowing how to read or write and "going nowhere." He also had harsh words for struggling black men, telling them: "Stop beating up your women because you can't find a job." Cosby made headlines in May when he upbraided some poor blacks for their grammar and accused them of squandering opportunities the civil rights movement gave them. He shot back Thursday, saying his detractors were trying in vain to hide the black community's "dirty laundry." "Let me tell you something, your dirty laundry gets out of school at 2:30 every day, it's cursing and calling each other n------ as they're walking up and down the street," Cosby said during an appearance at the Rainbow/PUSH Coalition & Citizenship Education Fund's annual conference. "They think they're hip," the entertainer said. "They can't read; they can't write. They're laughing and giggling, and they're going nowhere." In his remarks in May at a commemoration of the anniversary of the Brown v. Board of Education desegregation decision, Cosby denounced some blacks' grammar and said those who commit crimes and wind up behind bars "are not political prisoners." "I can't even talk the way these people talk, 'Why you ain't,' 'Where you is' ... and I blamed the kid until I heard the mother talk," Cosby said then. "And then I heard the father talk ... Everybody knows it's important to speak English except these knuckleheads. You can't be a doctor with that kind of crap coming out of your mouth." Cosby elaborated Thursday on his previous comments in a talk interrupted several times by applause. He castigated some blacks, saying that they cannot simply blame whites for problems such as teen pregnancy and high school dropout rates. "For me there is a time ... when we have to turn the mirror around," he said. "Because for me it is almost analgesic to talk about what the white man is doing against us. And it keeps a person frozen in their seat, it keeps you frozen in your hole you're sitting in." Cosby lamented that the racial slurs once used by those who lynched blacks are now a favorite expression of black children. And he blamed parents. "When you put on a record and that record is yelling `n----- this and n----- that' and you've got your little 6-year-old, 7-year-old sitting in the back seat of the car, those children hear that," he said. He also condemned black men who missed out on opportunities and are now angry about their lives. "You've got to stop beating up your women because you can't find a job, because you didn't want to get an education and now you're (earning) minimum wage," Cosby said. "You should have thought more of yourself when you were in high school, when you had an opportunity." Cosby appeared Thursday with the Rev. Jesse Jackson, founder and president of the education fund, who defended the entertainer's statements. "Bill is saying let's fight the right fight, let's level the playing field," Jackson said. "Drunk people can't do that. Illiterate people can't do that." Cosby also said many young people are failing to honor the sacrifices made by those who struggled and died during the civil rights movement. "Dogs, water hoses that tear the bark off trees, Emmett Till," he said, naming the black youth who was tortured and murdered in Mississippi in 1955, allegedly for whistling at a white woman. "And you're going to tell me you're going to drop out of school? You're going to tell me you're going to steal from a store?" Cosby also said he wasn't concerned that some whites took his comments and turned them "against our people." "Let them talk," he said.

Posted to the Avalanche Tankers website, by SGT Shawn Stanford on 04/16/03. Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. The site hadn't been updated in a couple of years and has since gone away; but the list is classic, so I saved it. A couple favorites: 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. and 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot. 1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working. 2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia'. 3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic. 4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair. 5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants. 6. Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer. 7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me. 8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters. 9. Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'. 10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time. 11. Not allowed to join the communist party. 12. Not allowed to join any militia. 13. Not allowed to form any militia. 14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo. 15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!' 16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'. 17. God may not contradict any of my orders. 18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty. 19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right. 20. Must not taunt the French any more. 21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS. 22. Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'. 23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack. 24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true. 25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one. 26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!' 27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne). 28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times). 29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'. 30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging on the head with a bag of trash. 31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions. 32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post. 33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody. 34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody. 35. Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker') 36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over). 37. Our medic is called 'Sgt Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'. 38. Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'. 39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once. 40. I do not have super-powers. 41. 'Keep on Trucking' is *not* a psychological warfare message. 42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters. 43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform. 44. I am not the atheist chaplain. 45. I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'. 46. I am not authorized to fire officers. 47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states. 48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision. 49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'. 50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours. 51. Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations. 52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range. 53. Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range. 54. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase. 55. An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit. 56. An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve electrical tape. 57. The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?' 58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid. 59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command. 60. ‘The Giant Space Ants' are not at the top of my chain of command. 61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you'. 62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz. 63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority. 64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay. 65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed. 66. There is no ‘Anti-Mime' campaign in Bosnia. 67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot. 68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers'. 69. May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty. 70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication. 71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command. 72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty. 73. No military functions are to be performed ‘Skyclad'. 74. Woad is not camouflage makeup. 75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command. 76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence. 77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for." 78. I may not call block my chain of command. 79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese. 80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions. 81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance. 82. May not form any press gangs. 83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...." 84. Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish' things. 85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident. 86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ‘field of honor'. 87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it. 88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ‘Mom'. 89. Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad'. 90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection. 91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad. 92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate. 93.Nerve gas is not funny. 94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that. 95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body. 96. ‘Redneck Zombies' is not a military training aid. 97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator. 98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.' 99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield. 100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are. 101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon. 102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war". 103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did. 104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination. 105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve. 106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s. 107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press. 108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI. 109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe. 110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything. 111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles. 112. When saluting a ‘leg’ officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir". 113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ‘Full Monty’ every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff". 114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians. 115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me. 116. Crucifying mice - bad idea. 117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography. 118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them. 119. I cannot arrest children for being rude. 120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke. 121. I should not use government resources to ‘waterproof’ dirty magazines. 122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks. 123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases. 124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last. 125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks. 126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like. 127. ‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable. 128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word. 129. The Microsoft ® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders. 130. ‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander. 131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113. 132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas. 133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio. 134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie. 135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot. 136. Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole fucking village!’ while out on a mission is bad. 137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk. 138. Even if my commander did it. 139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs. 140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights. 141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’. 142. 'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT. 143. I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window. 144. 'K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free' is not an authorized uniform. 145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test. 146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same. 147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®. 148. Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny. 149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out. 150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle. 151. The proper way to report to my Commander is 'Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!' 152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries. 153. I should not assign new privates to 'guard the flight line'. 154. Shouldn't treat 'piss-bottles' with extra-strength icy hot. 155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice. 156. I will no longer perform 'lap-dances' while in uniform. 157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts. 158. The revolution is not now. 159. When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search. 160. No part of the military uniform is edible. 161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea. 162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command. 163. Take that hat off. 164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin. 165. I do not get 'that time of month'. 166. No, the pants are not optional. 167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks. 168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio. 169. Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films' 170. Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions. 171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter. 172. 'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide. 173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance. 174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy). 175. We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'. 176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office. 177. I am not to refer to a formation as 'the boxy rectangle thingie'. 178. I am not 'A lesbian trapped in a man's body'. 179. On Army documents, my race is not 'Other'. 180. Nor is it 'Secretariat, in the third'. 181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS. 182. There is no FM for 'wall-to-wall counseling'. 183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ® 184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something 'I saw in a cartoon'. 185. My name is not a killing word. 186. I am not the Emperor of anything. 187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes. 188. May not challenge officers to 'Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn'. 189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it. 190. Must not make s'mores while on guard duty. 191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot. 192. The proper response to a briefing is not 'That's what you think'. 193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command. 194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command. 195. Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command. 196. I am not allowed to give tattoos. 197. I am not allowed to sing 'Henry the VIII I am' until verse 68 ever again. 198. Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions. 199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born. 200. My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car. 201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad. 202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined. 203. 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO. 204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration." 205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged") 206. Not allowed to get shot. 207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.) 208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civlians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain. 209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism...this was the same dinner.) 210. Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country. 211. Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down. 212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them. 213. Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

Attention Invader Zim Fans!!! The Invader Zim DVD, Volume 1 has been released to Hot Topic's all over the US. You may now return to your normally scheduled boredom.

I can't take credit for this beauty, sadly, but I felt the need to pass it on! ------------------------------------- Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor fucking 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send his email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy Bunny in the magazine! What a bunch of fucking bullshit. So basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Ceaser in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity. Fuck them! If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly fucking amusing. I've seen all the 'send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a Nickel from some omniscient being forwards about 90 times. I don't fucking care. Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: Chain Letter Type 1: (scroll down) Make a wish!!! Keep Scrolling No, really, go on and make one!!! Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!! Not that, you pervert!! STOP!!!! Wasn't that fun? :) Hope you made a great wish :) Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes: *Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter. *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! Chain Letter Type 2: Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!! Chain Letter Type 3: Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works... Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like: *Bizarre Horror Story #1 Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!! *Bizarre Horror Story #2 Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay. Chain Letter Type 4: As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to all your friends. FRIENDS: A friend is someone who is always at your side. A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood. A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of assholes. A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself. A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life. A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs. A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...no, sorry that's the cleaning lady. A friend is NOT someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again! The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right? Now forward THIS to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.

And in one small day, I have inched ever so much closer to death! Another year to add to my ever growing set of notches in my proverbial bed post of life! Go Me!

Replace "trendy internet web design company as a Interactive designer!" with "A Racetrack as a Data Entry Goddess!" and you've got the story of my life recently. Well no, stuff has happened, but nothing overly amazing. We had to put one of the cats down due to a large mass in his abdomen that none of us knew he had. I have become completely addicted to a MMORPG called Horizons so that has been consuming a great portion of my time. And that's about it! Such a great update, eh?

Just when I thought my life couldn't get much worse, it did. Read my last post for a better idea on how my week has been. I went into work tonight and was summarily rushed up to our VP's office. I was then informed that I no longer had a job with the company and had been layed off, as my position with the company was no longer needed. Gee thanks... Right before Christmas... you thoughtless bastards.

I just found out that a friend of mine was killed in a car accident on Sunday. I'm heartbroken. I started crying... right there at work. In front of god man and everyone else and I just didn't care. The memorial is tonight and the funeral is tomorrow. I don't have it in me to go to either. It's too new... it's too fresh... This guy was such a role model... He was the same age as me... He was a test patient for HerbALife and lost over 100 pounds in so little time and was finally happy with himself. He was going somewhere in life... I often wonder why it is that the good people are taken first when so many assholes are left to walk the world. Why was he taken when he had so much life left to live. It's not fair...

ZIM INVADES HOME VIDEO THROUGH ANIMEWORKS! New York City (November 06, 2003) - AnimeWorks is ready to rain down Zim's doom upon the heads of animation fans everywhere with its release of Jhonen Vasquez's Invader Zim. Anime fans have been screaming for this DVD release since Zim first aired on Nickelodeon in 2001 and now it's finally here. Coming Spring 2004 will be the first of three double disc sets and a limited edition boxed set which promises to send fans' blood racing through their veins like giant radioactive rubber pants. The pants command them! Invader Zim currently airs on Nicktoons, Nickelodeon’s digital home for animated hits. "We at Media Blasters are thrilled to add Invader Zim to our powerful line-up, and expect it to be one of our flagship titles in 2004," said John Sirabella, CEO of Media Blasters. "Zim has created quite a fan buzz in the anime community and we know that it will be a huge sensation!" From the inventive mind of comic book creator Jhonen Vasquez, and co-executive produced by animation veteran Mary Harrington, Invader Zim focuses on a paranoid alien named Zim from planet Irk who believes he is at the forefront of a sinister plan of galactic conquest. Jhonen Vasquez is famous for such fan favorite comics as Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, SQUEE!, and I Feel Sick. AnimeWorks is a division of Media Blasters. INVADER ZIM will be released in early Spring of 2004. Nickelodeon, now in its 24th year, is the number-one entertainment brand for kids. It has built a diverse, global business by putting kids first in everything it does. The company includes television programming and production in the United States and around the world, plus consumer products, online, recreation, books, magazines and feature films. Nickelodeon's U.S. television network is seen in more than 86 million households and has been the number-one-rated basic cable network for more than eight consecutive years. Nickelodeon and all related titles, characters and logos are trademarks of Viacom International Inc. For further info please visit: Media Blasters

How to be Gothic As Fuckâ„¢ Step One: Picking a Goth Name When it comes down to truly exploring your new found gothic freedom and "individuality," nothing helps more than a new gothic name. Now is your opportunity to display your inner turmoil to the world and begin a new life of answering the eternal question "Is that your REAL name?" First decide what facet of your blackened heart you truly want to explore... 1) Your tragic, teary eyed, poetry writing, romantic soul? 2) Your arcane, mysterious, sexual, ancestral vampire past? 3) Your giggly, speed-snorting, obnox--ahem... "perky" id? 4) Your scarred, angry, tormented and angst-ridden ego? 5) Your carefully cultivated self-loathing and destructive nature? Your main focus should be creativity, so let your imagination run wild. However, be sure to throw in a healthy dose of pretense and creepiness (you're GOTH dammit!!). As an aid, here are some gothic mainstays... 1) Names from the animal kingdom both real and fake. The spookier the animal the better! (Bat, Rat, Raven, Cat, Spider, Phoenix, you get the idea.) 2) Names from fairytales and folklore (I think there are enough "Liliths" in the world and Brother Grimm is already taken, so hands off!) 3) Names from the underworld (There's a great book offering the names and descriptions of many minor and lesser demons called "Fallen Angels" by Robert Masello. Pick it up!) 4) Names from the bible (Unless you're Hispanic, I'd stay away from Jesus just to avoid confusion.) 5) Names of nasty inflictions or bad habits (Hmmm...how about Melena?) 6) Names from horror movies and/or books (No, Jason and Freddie don't count.) 7) Names from poetry (For you weepy types... *grrr*) Feel free to mix and match to taste. After all, Goth is about diversity, creativity and individuality (to a certain predetermined extent at least), right? Step Two: Claiming Your Gothic Self Now that you've named your Gothly Self you will need to pick what kind of Goth you are, and claim it as your own. This is most easily done by exploring the dark, sinister, self-absorbed, angst ridden side of your personality. If you are a hippie, then dig down to the darkness that is the basis of all personalities... become a Summer of Love Goth. If you are a Geek, become a Cyber Goth; if you love the Ren Faire then try Ren Faire Goth, if you you are a Drama Goth, become a Rocky Horror Goth; if you think of yourself as a Stevie Nicks clone then become an Etherial Goth. There is an endless list of the type of Goth you can be. Explore your inner darkness and let it shine darkly through!! Step Three: Gothitude While lurking in eerie, shadowy corners, your posture must be theatrical, vibrating with a melancholy that is as tangible as the clove cigarette you are smoking. Hunch lightly forward your delicate shoulders and perch vulture-like as you gaze despondently around the hazy club. Clenched gracefully in your pale hand with your jewel-laden, tapering fingers, slowly wave your ebony lace fan and keep your inky, kohl-rimmed eyes downcast, gazing gently and demurely. You are bleakly serene, demonstrating a superb maudlin poise. If your mournful, ivory face should unexpectedly ripple with a rebellious glimmer of happiness, or even playful enjoyment, lethargically, with a tragic soft sigh, lower your head and shield behind your fan that unacceptable smile. Excuse yourself with a breathy whisper or a mysterious polite phrase and a tearful eye and languidly stroll toward the murky bathroom where you obsessively, with a poetically tragic stance, begin powdering your nose. Take great care to avoid sprinkling your silver nosering, remember not to powder over your bhindi. When dancing, think of your dance as a magical conjuring or ceremonial evocation. Whirl, sway, twist and swoop to your own private and tormented rhythm. All movement should be listless, sultry, at times suddenly dipping dramatically to one side or lunging forward to express a sudden stab of inner angst or passion that is coinciding with (or not) a certain place in the music. Poetically speaking: you must convince people that you are trapped here on this dreary physical plane, forever wandering in search of mysterious, shadowy dimensions. The dark, yet gossamer wings of unremembered memories subtly inspire you, as you endure all the despair of your soul's existence, past and present. At all times, emote angst, apathy, and despair. Last, remember that being gothic is not just a fashion statement, it's a cry for help and is a convincing solution to almost any Fashion Emergency. Release the batttttts..... Step Four: Makeup/Hair Facial hair Yes you can be Goth too even if you have a tan and copious facial hair. The first thing you need is a razor. If you're a dude with a beard think 'topiary'. Watch The Three Musketeers -- the one with Michael York. Pleeeeasee check out the guy with the eye patch who boffs the Fay Dunaway character and sculpt some interesting creative facial hair. If you want to maintain an aura of dark-manly-wolf (tm kallisti), leave your eyebrows to nature. Otherwise, shave them off. Eyebrows are an artform and cannot be contained by the whims of DNA. All Goths who want to identify with a feminine side should shave their eyebrows completely off to cleanse the facial palate for true expression. Skin tone: Spooky Clown White Use a powder base at least two shades lighter than your natural skin tone. Kryolan makes a good one. Think artifice. Think theater. All references to a natural daylight appearance should be eradicated and spackled. Your lips have no boundaries. Cover their line. Your skin must have a luminous glow which will float disembodied in the candlelight. Creatures of the night unite! Those Lips! Those Eyes! Eyes can wing off the face. Or they can smolder like Valentino. This is where creativity can shine!! All novices must use black. You can't go wrong. Black eye liner is a must. Black powder eye shadow is fabu. Go wild. Lips? Don't be hindered by the memory of your previous self's lips. With a dark red or black lipstick and a liner you can create new lips. Take the liner, draw the outline of what you think your lips should be as your new Goth self and fill them in with the lipstick and blot. Please note, the liner does not have to be the same shade as the lipstick but it should be darker. Welcome the new flesh. Hair Rat it, dye it, torture it. Edward ScissorHands had perfect Goth Hair. Be sure to buy a can of super hold hairspray and apply it liberally. Or for a more dramatic effect, shave your hair completely off to make room for those fabulous Goth Eyes!!! Step Five: Fashion Black is the corner stone of all Gothly styles. Do not be afraid. Find every piece of black clothing and cloth that you have available to you. Pin everything together. Think flowing, think wispy, think of a corpse raising from the grave. Think vampires. What would Lestat be wearing right this second? The most important feature of any self-respecting Goth is .... Accessories and Props A partial list of the basics follows... use your imagination to create your very own personal style. Cheap fishnet stockings worn on legs or pulled over head (cut a hole in the crotch and pull over your head, then stick your fingers through the toes! If you need to buy these try New York Apparel on Upper Height, Hot Topic, Electric Chair, or any other store which might appeal to your "dark side"), any old lace, ribbon, dead roses, dead pets, incense, nail polish, rosaries, crosses or other religious paraphernalia, clove cigarettes, whips, fetish gear, black scarves, tulle, flames, etc. One of your most important props will be: a fan, a book of dark poetry, an antique lacy handkerchief, or anything else that you can use to hide that improper and unsightly smile. **please, No Tennis Shoes!!! Step Six: Music Ahh music, one of the most important items that separates Goths from the rest of humanity. Check in your CD collection. Look for anything that is maudlin, dark, sad, evil, ethereal, angry, angst-ridden, pathetic... anything that brings self pitying tears to your eyes or hatred to your heart, anything that allows that inner darkness to come boiling to the surface. Play it over and over and over and over again. Make it part of who you are, identify with it, incorporate it into your total Goth identity. Step Seven: Public Displays of Maudlin Poetic Aplomb Each Gothling-to-Be is required to write and internalize bitter poetic musings. This recitation can be likened to the talent portion of a beauty contest, although there is no crowned winner to be named. Your deep inner ponderings should reflect accurately your assigned Goth name, your designated Goth type, and the resulting fashion, attitude and makeup adjustments

I found a Dragon-Fly today while climbing the stairs on my way back to my "office." I walked right by it at first and wasn't going to stop but I got half way up the second flight of stairs and decided I wanted to go back. It was dead :( I picked it up as carefully as I could so that I didn't damage it's delicate body and carried it with me back to my desk, showing people here and there. It's really beautiful! It's about 3 inches long and has a wingspan, from tip to tip, of about 4 inches. It's green and it's in perfect condition! I found a clear box, lined it with tissue paper and put it in there so that it didn't blow away or get damaged by someone that didn't know it was there. So that's my story for the day. It's really hot here right now (95° F) and the lack of AC is turning my brain to mush.

I think these videos are pretty cool, so check them out! (Links Will Open In A New Window) Rise of the Mushroom Kingdom Part 1 Rise of the Mushroom Kingdom Part 2 ENJOY!!!

Ok guys, here's the deal! I'm sure most of you, if not all of you, have heard of a company called T-Shirt Hell. They sell raunchy, naughty, controversial and rude T-shirts, Baby Clothes, Underwear and even Wrapping Paper! What does this have to do with all of you? Well you see, Christmas is fast approaching and I know boring gift giving can be! With all the options at T-Shirt Hell it doesn't have to be that way anymore! And I'm sure you want to know what's in it for me. For every item you purchase after clicking those links above (or the one I'm going to post below) I get a small kickback. It's not much, let me tell you, but it sure helps when those bills come due. So please help me out by clicking on any of those links above, or on THIS LINK if you plan on purchasing anything from that site. It's not hard and it won't take you very long to do and it helps me, your favorite Scarlet One. What a Win Win Situation!!!

Researchers: Monkeys use mind to move objects WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Dr. Miguel Nicolelis knew he had nailed it when the monkey stopped using her arm to play the computer game. An implanted device had allowed the monkey to control the game using only her thoughts, Nicolelis and colleagues report in the Public Library of Science Biology journal on Monday. And changes in the way the monkey's brain cells worked suggested the brain was physically adjusting to the device, they reported in the new online science journal. Nicolelis hopes the device will eventually allow paralyzed patients to regain some ability to use their upper bodies - virtually, if not physically. "The monkey suddenly realized that she didn't need to move her arm at all," Nicolelis said in a statement. "Her arm muscles went completely quiet, she kept the arm at her side and she controlled the robot arm using only her brain and visual feedback." Three years ago, Nicolelis and colleagues at Duke University in North Carolina reported that they had allowed a monkey to move a robotic arm using only her thoughts and implanted electrodes. But the monkey continued to move her arm. In the latest experiment, they said two monkeys figured out what was happening and played a computer game using thoughts alone. Recognizing brain patterns "It's very different because these animals now receive feedback information," Nicolelis added in a telephone interview. "They could learn to correct their errors and achieve a very high level of proficiency, using brain activity alone to reproduce reaching and grabbing hand movements." Nicolelis and colleagues first implanted microelectrodes - each smaller than the diameter of a human hair - into the brains of two female rhesus macaque monkeys named Aurora and Ivy. One got 96 electrodes in her frontal and parietal lobes - known to be the source of commands for muscular movement. The second monkey got 320 implants. The electrodes transmit faint signals to a computer system the researchers have developed to recognize patterns of signals that represent particular movements by an animal's arm. These signals are translated and in turn control a robotic arm. At first the animals were taught to use a joystick to control the cursor of a video game - which Nicolelis said they enjoyed playing. The researchers recorded and analyzed the electrical activity of the neurons near the implanted electrodes. Learning to control cursor As the game became more complex, the monkeys learned how to control the cursor. The group has started working with a small group of human patients, but Nicolelis said he could not give any details yet. Potential users include 200,000 people in the United States alone who have partial or nearly total permanent paralysis. An estimated 11,000 people a year suffer severe spinal cord injuries, for instance, and sufferers of Parkinson's disease and amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, also called ALS or Lou Gehrig's disease, may also become paralyzed. "We hope the brain will learn to adapt to the devices and incorporate them as if they were the patient's own limbs," Nicolelis said. Could help humans His team is working to miniaturize the device so it can be useful to a human patient outside a laboratory setting. "There is certainly a great deal of science and engineering to be done to develop this technology and to create systems that can be used safely in humans," he added. "However, the results so far lead us to believe that these brain-machine interfaces hold enormous promise for restoring function to paralyzed people."

Misplaced Deity sought by Christians! So, I'm standing at a bus stop and they pull up. A car load of well meaning, bible thumping nut cases that are just frantic! The middle aged professionally dressed woman rushes forward. She takes my arm and with trembling voice, she asks "Have you found Jesus?" Her eyes plead with an urgency that is out of proportion to a bus stop. Now normally I just politely decline the sermon, and free religious paperwork that such folk pawn off on unsuspecting by-standers. But, unfortunately for her, she is the fourth car to accost me in the last 9 minutes. So by now I'm beginning to wonder what the heck is wrong with these people. I mean if it's not Christians, it is the Jehovah's Witnesses. Can a simple Druid get no peace? So calmly as I can muster, without being sarcastic, I reply, "You people lost him, again??" The woman looks confused. This is not the response she was hoping for and she needs to regroup. She takes a deep breath intending to launch into her sales pitch for her God, and church, paying no heed to the concept that I might not be into being converted. I decide to not let her get going so I launch into a speech of my own. "What is wrong with you Christians? Every time I turn around you've lost Him!" I hit her with a glare of accusation. "I mean really," I take a measured breath. "How do you expect to have anyone follow a deity that you can't even find!" The poor woman looks stunned. This isn't going so good. Panicked she looks desperately to the car; Surely one of the men can help! Undaunted I press on "Maybe the problem is with you people. I mean Muslims never seem to lose their deity. Come to think of it neither do Jews or Pagans of any kind." I look at the man getting out of the car. He's all smiles. "I realize you people used to burn people like me at the stake. I may be a Pagan-heathen, but I have never ever woke up panicked that I couldn't find my Goddess or God. They are always right where they should be; In the fire of my candle, in the air that I breath, in the earth that I stand on, in the water of my spring. I never feel abandoned by my deity(ies)." "Of course, you Christians aren't much fun," I continue. By now they are all out of the car. Befuddled, aghast, and at a loss for words. "Of course," I offer trying to give them some defense for losing Jesus "He could have left due to religious differences. If I remember correctly, He was Jewish. So if you are really so eager to find him," I smile gently to soften the blow "Check the nearest synagogue. He's probably in there. Also you folks should try and remember that this is America... Where freedom of religion means ALL religions." Slowly they climb back into their car and drive away. I stand at the bus stop; no pamphlets, no bible, no dogma. I haven't found Jesus, but I haven't lost him either!