Waiting for that call.. It's getting closer to 6pm now.. Sometimes I think I am too aggressive. I feel very irritated with myself when I realize how aggressive I can be. Where did that other part of me go to? That part of me where I was comfortable not making decisions and letting the other person make them for me. Maybe it is my lack of social contact. I just need to get back into the world and communicate like a human being. And stop wincing every time I think I said something wrong.

I went on a quest today. My quest was to obtain a pack of cigarettes. I've been saying that I am going to do some Temp work, but my procrastination (Yes, that is the word for it!) got the best of me again. I was trying to figure out how I could obtain money to buy cigarettes and one thing popped into my head... Cheapo's! Yes, Cheapo's would be the answer to my money troubles! Cheapo's is the best music store this City has to offer and they give you money for used CDs. It may sound inhumane to sell your music, but with my trusty laptop I won't have to worry about being without good tunes. I am an online radio DJ after all. With this great idea in my head I set out to find all my CDs that still had the original cases laying about in various boxes. I do have a tendency to do away with the cases once I have the album ripped onto my laptop. After I found the cases that were in my apartment, I walked out to my car to find whatever was laying about on the floorboard. With a total of 13 CDs in their original cases inside my backpack I contemplated on how I would commute to Cheapo's. At this point I did not have any money to my name and my car is out gas. How was I going to even be able to get to my destination? I was a bit downhearted that my quest was short lived so I decided that I would catch up on some laundry. Yes, laundry would help me feel better... I guess. While sifting through various items of dirty clothes something fell out of a pocket. To my surprise it was $2.45! Yes! Now I can make my journey to Cheapo's and all will be right with the world. I stuff the rest of my laundry into the washer and head out the door to catch the nearest bus. [I'm going to miss the avid public transit.] It was rush time so the buses were running slow. It was alright, the only thing that mattered was that I obtain my pack of cigarettes. As the bus made various stops on it's way to my transfer, three highschool kids hopped on. One of them liked my boots, one of them sat by me and complained about how her family was sick and she didn't want to become ill, and the other one carried on a conversation with me about my tattoos. He was quite interested in Tattoos and liked mine so I told him about my artist who works in the town I am moving to. Finally the bus neared my transfer and I departed with the tattoo boy (who didn't have any tattoos himself, but he was quite a nice guy). I ran across the road and waited for the next bus. I waited and waited and waited. Then in the distance I saw that my bus was on its way to my stop. "Hooray!" I thought as I boarded the bus. As the bus got closer to downtown the more my anticipation grew. My quest was almost over and I would be rewarded with a fresh pack of cigarettes! While avidly watching the street for Cheapo's I pulled the stop cable. I was surprised that the bus stop was right across from Cheapo's! I walked swiftly across and into the music store with a big grin on my face. I pulled my CD's out and then... IT happened. "Sorry, we can only give you store credit. We are almost out of cash. You will have to come back tomorrow if you want cash." NOOO!! This can't be! Has my quest come to its bitter end? I did not know what to do... So, I left Cheapo's and pulled out my cell phone. I rang the only person I could think of who could help me out in this predicament, my fiance. Luckily he was at work, which meant that I could possibly obtain cigarettes. All I would have to do is ask and kiss a little ass to get what I want. Now the journey to the store had begun. It seemed like this time around the bus ride took much longer even though the rush was over. It was my anticipation getting the best of me. I started to really fiend when I got off near the store. It took me nearly an hour before my quest was completely fulfilled, but it was worth it (altogether it took me about 3 hours to obtain my prize). I gave my fiance the only money I had left $1.45 and he bought me a pack of cigarettes. (I owe him now =P) Tomorrow we will travel to Cheapo's again because I still need some cash. A fellow DJ is coming to a local concert and we are going to meet up and hang out tomorrow. It will be much fun!

It's been a few days, I know. I actually want to start updating on a daily basis, but I am quite a pessimist at times. Now you get to see me, but you still don't know me. ;) I need to start packing my stuff. I now have one week left here in the City.

I am trying to keep myself from smoking my last cigarette. All I can think about right now is that last cigarette. I know when I smoke it I will feel much better, but I will not have any cigarettes left. I also don't have any money to buy a new pack.What to do... Damn, I gave in. Now I am smoking my last cigarette but at least I do feel better. I really hope that taking Cranberry supplements is going to help my pain go away. If not, I am going to have to find a clinic. Hopefully a free one. I only have two weeks left in the city and then I move back near my hometown. I really need some cash and the only way I can earn any honestly is to go to the Temp agency. It's a really hot summer and I don't do well at hard work. I am seriously considering swallowing my pride and doing that Temp work so I can at least put gas in my car and support my habit. BUT, I am having this problem.. Most likely the early stages of a bladder infection and all I want to do is sleep and drink water while dulling the pain with cigarettes. What to do..

After apartment hunting, we decided to drive around town for a little while. First we went to a Halloween store, which I filled out a job application for. Even though it is only a seasonal Halloween store, I wouldn't mind working there. It would only be for a month though. I realized today how hard it is to find a job around here. Small towns are so vicious when it comes to having the right outer appearance. I really hope it doesn't take me any longer than two weeks to find a job when we move. We also stopped by the local Hastings to kill some time. I ran into an old acquaintance of mine. She's still the same as always... A slave to her desires. I would want to call her a slut, but there is something about the way she talks about her causal encounters so easily that makes such a statement tacky. I guess I understand that in her mind she really thinks that sleeping with as many men as possible is the right thing to do to stay happy. I've always been monogamous and I can count my partners on one hand. I just don't see what is so great about sleeping around with random people. Although I can not deny that I have thought about it. We are all still primitive behind our technology. Speaking of which, I had this odd dream last night. I went to a Peter Murphy concert at a bar. Somehow I caught Peter Murphy alone and I started talking with him. We talked about music for a long time while drinking a few beers. We stepped outside to have a cigarette and I started hitting on him. If you know who Peter Murphy is, you will know how much older he is compared to me. We were heavily flirting when all of a sudden I was woken up. Yes, I was quite annoyed!

I still have mixed feelings about the online radio DJ conference we had yesterday afternoon. I still feel awkward, offended, walked over, and betrayed. I was given the assistant manager position two weeks after I was hired at the station which at first was an awesome opportunity. Now I fear for my position at the station. At the beginning of my career everything was great. The owners and the manager were really nice and everyone was very laid back. Everything changed in the past week. Before September started I made sure to let the management know that I will not be available as much during the month due to the fact that I am going to be busy moving out of the city and back near my hometown. The rest of the management seemed to understand my situation and assured me that I would always have a place at the station. Now that it is September their word seems to have been spread thin. I have been in and out, and doing everything that I could possibly do when I am online. Yesterday it was made clear that I wasn't doing enough. So, they hired another assistant manager. I really don't mind the thought of having a second assistant manager, I actually think it is a good idea because I won't be available all the time. The way they went about hiring this assistant manager is what really has me feeling awkward as well as betrayed. The person they hired was a guy who they fired a little while after I was hired. He made an uproar about the fact that I was given the assistant manager position and he was kicked to the curb. He was kicked out because he was making an arse out of himself. Every conference we had after that the rest of the management always had something bad to say about him. Then all of a sudden he gets hired, and usually when someone is hired the management has a conference and everyone decides together whether someone is hired or not. Only two people decided to hire him, and I don't think that is fair. Everything in that conference yesterday was decided between only one of the owners and the manager. That is what has made me so frustrated. They also decided that the station is going to be a pure rock station from now on, which doesn't effect me much since the music I play is considered in one form or another "rock". The issue with that is that the other owner doesn't play much rock and was quite flummoxed about the new decision. I actually was content with the original theme that you could play whatever type of music you wanted to play. I am also not a big fan of being yelled at during a conference. That really doesn't have much to do with it, but I wanted to get that off of my chest. I know I haven't been on the ball as I usually am, but I have my reasons. My reasons were made clear before the month started. I fear for my position at the station. I love being a DJ and I love playing music that I love to listen to. I feel like if I say anything to the rest of management about how I really feel after the conference, then I will be kicked out for good. I really don't want to jeopardize my position right now. I think creating this Diary was a good idea after all...

Quite the time to be posting my first entry. It doesn't really matter though. The only problem is that I have to be awake in three hours. I found you again, even though I overlooked you so many times. For some reason I thought you were another website that had nothing to do with having a personal diary. What will be your purpose? Right now this is the only thing close to having complete anonymity. I get to tell everyone how I really am without them knowing WHO I really am. It is a different approach compared to what I am used to.