I am not sure who I am addressing this to, for this year has changed me as a person and I am evolving. My own ego is directing me in the direction I need to head, for better or worse my mind screams I want to go there. Every little piece is coming together, as if all the times before this part in my life existed solely to build me up. After what seemed like decades being fostered as a lost cause all this direction hope and ingenuity has driven me up. I must do opposite as to what I did before, a perpetual dice being spun for all the new possibilities. I enjoy feeling the air on my face, buying a magazine and book, coffee and my journal thrown together because this year I am instructed to feel again. My friends are often scared to talk to me and of interaction. Maybe it is because I am this new wild person who wants to do everything at once, and they have not reached this stage of permanent excitement. They want not to be bewildered but to stay in a cocoon and a shell, one of them and their lovers and their lovers’ insecurities and common ground. I want to believe the night is always young or perhaps the night shouldn’t just be an excuse to live. “Why not Paris?” I grab their hands and exclaim. “Because what does Paris have that the city doesn’t have already?” this sad pessimism is what keeps the common man and woman down. I went through a week where I started off by being on the trapeze, and flying. I moved onto singing onstage in another language which was French of course. I was on this euphoria and bewildered by how things could turn. I documented everything in my brain, as if I etched it myself. Then I crashed because I didn’t have any way to recreate that moment that I was in, with all the other people who chose to be there. I realized everything in my life wasn’t Paris at all. I had this taste on my tongue from everything that happened I could not replicate. So that is “why not Paris!” and the context is changed. From people evolving and people scared to evolve and people halfway there. Maybe by moving out of the industrial city we can all evolve, and not even need Paris as a kick start. In the meantime I rely on hasty decisions, quick calls and having my heart beating too fast to comprehend anything that is normal. I am allergic to normal for it is not in my system. We must move to Paris post haste.