well I hate Sundays. they suck. they wouldn't suck if I actually did something with them, like go to church. But I don't. I sit at home thinking of Robby. I slept til nine this morning then I watched Napolean Dynomite and The Nightmare before Christmas. It sucks because both of those movies make me think about Robby. I hate feeling this way. Now tommorow is the big day, which makes me feel even worse. I feel all excited and worried. Blech. Double blech. If only Robby was here to reassure me that he is really gonna break up with Caitlyn. I'd feel about 98% better. I have to play at the game and the trumpets have two new dances to learn. Woot! Well for the most part. The trumpets are THE dancers in my band. And we have to know exactly when to turn and on what note to do it. ::sighs:: just one more load on my mind. Robby comes first, of course. If I don't write for another couple of days, don't worry. I'm not dead. Well maybe I will be. But that has nothing to do with my decisions. I might be depressed or Robby might've taken all the time up in my life. Who knows? Well, outtie.

There's nothing to do in this f-r-icken house today until three. That's when I'm gonna go to robby's party. And we are gonna mosh it out like there ain't no tommorow. How bout it? Amanda isn't on. Robby isn't on. Misty isn't on. I'm a bored lonely freak. I am trying to remember if robby gave Michael Brown an invitation or not. He said he couldn't because his parents wouldn't like him. Like that matters to me. But I guess it's all in Mr. and Mrs. Robby's Dad and Mom's hands. They are kinda strict. They like me though. Which is basicaly all that matters in a time like this. Man I think it's time for a little f*** the mainstream. Lol. that's just a saying that me and Michael Knapp made up. His new favorite saying is: Cunt on a cracker. Is that gross or what? I mean he just blurted it out when I stepped on his finger in english. I don't know why the hell he ws on the floor in the first place. But he just said: Cunt on a cracker! And he better be gald Mrs. Hendrix didn't hear him because his ass would've been on a shortform. Haha! So when my school threw a fiesta and he came, I was eating a taco. He said: OmG! Cunt on a cracker. I about spit the stuff out. Okay well I guess I've said all I gotta say. Outtie.

Well I've officially decided that I'm in love with Robby. And no matter how long it takes, I'm going to have him. Today he told me he loved me and he never wanted me to leave his side. Well he's still going out with Caitlyn. He told me he tries to break up with her everyday but each time he attempts, she cries and begs him not to leave. And Robby's a pretty sympathetic guy. He can't stand to hear pleads and see tears. So what could he do? He told me that on Monday, he's gonna really do it. No matter how bad she pitches her fit. And I told him that if it gets down to it, I'd talk to her. I'm hoping that it won't come to that. She hates my guts for even knowing Robby. But hey, he's my one true love. And it's strange to hear myself say that. I'm thirteen. I shouldn't have a "one true love" yet. But I do. And she's just gonna have to accept that. I know if I do go out with Robby, it'll be a bumpy ride. But I'm ready for it. I love him way to much to just half-ass this. I just can't let go. Not again. I've let him slip through my fingers way too many times. And you know what? Tonight is the first time he's confessed his love. He's always hinted at it. But tonight is the first time the words, "I love you." slipped through his lips. And I just disolved into him when he said it. Everything was perfect for the rest of the night. And then my mom cam and he just held me. I told him I had to go. He didn't want me to but he let me. He didn't want me to get into trouble. He said, "Goodnight. Monday's the day." Outtie.

Well I'm kinda getting tired of this layout so I think I'm gonna change it. Don't worry, no pretty little colors for me. Whatever I pick will include black. My well being depends on it. Nothing much has happened. yesterday was robby's birthday so I gave him a cd and tomorrow is his party. He got suspended the other day for smoking on the bus (idiot!) and i'm like the only one aloud to come. well maybe MK and JT. But those are pretty basic people. I'm the only girl robby is inviting. The second time that's happened to me. Oh well. I gotta get used to it. I only hang around guys. Micheal Brown and me are on the verge of going out because his girlfriend was cheating on him and I was the one who found out. He got so upset and he told me I was his only friend. Which I know isn't true, but hey, it sounded nice. lol. So if we go out I will be the happiest girl out there. I mean he is georgous in a dermatalogically challenged way. That's how I like my guys. With skin problems just like me. Well I guess I'd better go. See ya. Outtie.

Well, I went to my cousin's baby shower yesterday. She had the baby the day of. And it's so cute. He looks like the dad though. I guess he'll grow out of it. We're gonna call him Doodle. Well after that I went to the NIGHT OF FIRE at the Carolina Dragstrip. And man was it awsome! They had the major jet cars and trucks. At the end of the night they burnt down the old tower. How cool is that. Now they have a new tower called the House of Hook! And man is that thing big. I can't wait to get up in there. Well my emotions have been so crazy lately, all boy hoppy. But I don't know, maybe I should just take a break.I am kissing Robby on the cheek everyday now and everybody is like:Yall must be going out. And we're really not. And me and Ian (not Vlad anymore) have been getting pretty close, too. Then there's Josh but he doesn't really fit in the picture anymore because he's still in 6th. Well, that's all I have to say for now. I might not write for a while after this because I am so lazy lately. Outtie.

I don't think keeping this a secret will help me any. So I'm gonna say it now: I LOVE COUNTRY MUSIC. It was the first music I ever listened to and no matter how much I try to ignore it, it comes back to haunt me. There's nothing more I can do. And as for this whole Katrine mess, who cares? I'll tell you who cares. ME! I'm sending every scrap of clothing I can find down there. And I really wanted to go to Fat Tuesday. Now what am I gonna do before Lent? Nothing. I guess I'm just gonna have to celebrate with my friends. That's no fun... well atleast Richie's gonna bring me some seeds soon! That way I can grow my own. Okay outtie.

Do ya remember those poems I posted in here. Well I just entered one in a contest for 10,000 biggins! And if I get that money I am gonna laugh it up in y'alls face! Nobody commented except for Amanda. Not even a titter, no? Tear, tear. But if I get rich off of this then who's got the last laugh! HAHAHA! Okay, enough of being a jerk for today. Let's move on to something more substantial. Like Josh Alcaraz. I don't know if I ever mentioned him in here. But he is one of my best friends that I barely ever get to see anymore because he stayed back. The best part is, he plays the trumpet too! Eek! So when I do go to band practice, me and him spend some time together seeing who can hit the highest note. I usually win but I usually bust a blood vessel, too. Well that's the price you gotta pay when you play a brass instrument. Okay, well I guess I'd better get my lazy ass off of the computer and see what we have in this hoss to eat. Outtie.

Mom's threatening to kick me off the computer. And Robby is supposed to be on right about now. So I am fretting over if I will get to talk to him today. I need to talk to him about Vlad. And other things. Like if he will go out with Ashley Dozier. She is a wannabe goth. And she goes after all of Amanda's exbeaus. Skull tomorrow shall be pretty rewarding. I'm going to get Robby to talk to Vlad about me. Put in a good word. Why the heck do I care about Vlad so much?I think it's because he's gotten so cute and nicer since last year. And since he's Robby's best friend.

Sorry I haven't written in fricken ever. My fricken comp. has fricked up for the longest time in recorded history but I finally got it going. Well my mom did. But with a lot of help from me. Anyway..... So much to say. School rox... I mean it really does for once. I didn't succeed in trying to dress less "corpsy". I still look like I'm the living dead. But you know, screw the "normal" people. If there are "normal" people out there. My crew has expanded into a man eationg blob of goths and punks and everyone else who couldn't get into any other clique. What the hell, we're the leftover plate. Oh well.... Okay so on Friday I got my first real look this year at Vlad (Ian). He has gotten so sexy over the summer I can berely contain myself from jumping on him and ripping his shirt off. You know... that old chestnut. When I told Robby he was all like:DUDE! That's like so weird! But I gotyo back... And as for what people call me nowadays at school... bum-bum-bum-hum: NAPOLEA! Can you believe it? That told me that since I quote that movie so often that Napolea is my new name. And for once, it really sticks. Last year my name was Dudette for awhile but nobody called me that after the first month of school. Let's see how far this one goes. On Fri. Robby told me he found the portal to India in the courtyard. Us and our crew went out there to see it and it was just a fricken grate with the words MADE IN INDIA on it. We tried flicking quarters down there to see if the portal would open but it didn't. So I said: Maybe they don't take quarters. Maybe they take rupees! And everyone started laughing at me. Rupees, for all of you non- Zelda fans, is the money on Zelda. And I guess that was a stupid thing to say. Who knows with a person like me... I finally got MCR 3 cheers for sweet revenge and I am moshing my fricken brains out to it. I mosh at school, on the bus, and in my room. I think I might have a concussion but, what the hell, when life hands you a good cd: MOSH TIL YOU CAN'T NO MORE. And on that good note, I'd better outtie. Buhbye people.

So yesterday wasn't at all a Day of Dread except for I found out I had my bald GT teacher from last year for Homeroom. Which sucks but I guess since most of my friends are in there it'll be okay. Me and Amanda have 7th period band together. I am in advanced band! YAY! Well I'd better outtie. Cuz I'm Gumbie Dammit!

Okay so today is registration and I am about to go crazy from the excitment. Mom is at the courthouse paying a ticket for running the second yellow light. $150. But she's gonna file a complaint against the cop that got her because she was a 'b' to her. Then we're gonna go registrate Taylor, Tyler, and Savannah at the elementary school. The we're gonna go get their hair cut. THEN, finally, we're gonna go registrate me. YEAH! Okay so that's the overview of today. Stay tuned to find out what teachers I get and what kind of band stuff I'll need in Day Of Dread pt.2!

Robby's not mad at me. I explained to him what happened and he's my brother again. But I'm telling Amanda that the only people who know the REAL reason Robby broke up with her is me and him. And this might end badly. I don't want to make her mad. Or sad. It might happen though if she doesn't like finding out she's been left in the dark. See I'm sworn to secrecy by the only person I'll actually obey, my brother, Robby. And that sucks when it comes to friendships that are fresher and weaker than his and mine. And that's not an insult to her. Or anyone that I've made friends with after I'd made friends with Robby. Just making things clear. And I told him that I would investigate things for him. And that's what I'm gonna do. Because I'm GUMBI! Outtie.

Okay so today I feel so weird. I guess I should be happy, which I am, because school starts back a week from today. But feel sad because I finished HP6 last night and I went to sleep crying. I mean Dumbledore, dead? How can life go on without Dumbledore? Life sucks. Especially when your disarmed of your wand and the coward that was supposed to kill you freaks out and get's his DADA professor to do it. I think Bill might have stronger aftereffects of Fenrir's attack later on though. A wearwolf that strong, even if not transformed, had to have done more damage than just some scars and causing a crave for very rare steak. So now I am watching Josh (my cousin) And I have nothing to read. Oh yeah and Robby seems to be mad at me because he thinks I told Amanda the true story but I swore I didn't and to continue to swear it. I will not tell her. I won't do anything to make Robby mad at me on purpose. And whoever told Robby I told Amanda needs to think about how many friendships they are ruining before they start spreading false information. Outtie.

Oh yeah and I miss my mom and I am sorry for geting mad at her last night. It cost me a super fun trip to the dragstrip. Do you know how bad that sucks for me?! I gave it up on my own because..... well I can't even remember what we argued about. It just sucks ass. And I miss her so much and I'm waiting for her to call me so I can apologize. I have to go registrate for school on wed. so that will really rock. I think anyway. I just hope I see some of my friends. I am dying to see them. I mean literally I think I might've gotten paler from not seeing them. LOL but true. Okay well outtie for me.

Okay, so I wrote some poems. But I'm not a normal poem writer so you'll have to tell me if they're worth continuing. This one's called High: I was high… Higher than the sun in the sky But through the haze I wondered why You were standing there Watching me Without a care You were high… Higher than the sun in the sky And I bet that you wondered why I shot you down I shot you down With just one round It makes me cry… Oh yes… I wish I could die… Oh yes… So every time that I’m high… Oh yes… I wait as the minutes creep by… Oh yes… And you know… Everything I didn’t know But you still ask me those questions, Oh And I wish that this weren’t so But it is so I’m gonna let go Goodbye Goodbye to the sun in the sky Goodbye to the questions and “why?” Because I don’t know And this one's called Dream Singer: Mineral water in the quick of the evening Even the deepest sleepers can hear you singing And as your voice floats softly into our heads We rise and dance serenely around our beds You fill the glass and you return to your slumber But though we rest, the songs won’t go under And this sweet serenade pervades our sleep We try to wake you, but your trance is too deep All of us know that when you do go You always return And all of us feel That when our wounds will not heal You can take away the burn We trust you fully But we ask that you hurry For when you awake, Our lives will be saved Then you’ll sound your sweet voice And we’ll dance with rejoice The gala will grow Until no one will know How this started. And this one's called Phone Love: I went in my room To be alone But was startled by a ring From the telephone I jumped from my seat The phone to greet And heard a gentle voice say Hello I knew right away who it had been And my face lit up with the most enormous grin It was a friend of mine come to spend some time Over the telephone He was a romantic young guy With a spark in his eye And in mind always had A song or two He’d sing them aloud Carry me away on a cloud And set me down Right back here on the ground When he was done We’d talk and what fun To chatter about the things We both liked For hours we’d run And it wasn’t much fun To see the phone bill At the end of the month But I never thought about it It never crossed my mind one little bit And as I listened oh so closely I had a feeling I was in love And this one's called Revenge to Me: You were such a dream But dreams fall apart And you were one of the ones that do So now that you’re shattered I’d like to say, “Ha…ha.” You thought you could play me Wrap me around your finger And make me engage in your games And you never thought about resistance You never thought about the possibilities Of me rebelling and overcoming your strengths Over me and my mind And over my actions But I did gather the power To act against you To stop you To trap you as you trapped me And I wanted to torture you Like you tortured me And hurt you like you hurt me And make you plead and cry And want it all to end So I did everything to pull you down And I did And as you lay there miserable All I have to say is, “Ha…ha.” So there you have it. Some poems I wrote. And it's just my first stab at it really, not unless you count the things I sent in to AMS-LIT-MAG. But I would appreaciate some opinions. I mean I could get better off of them. Who knows. Well outtie.

I don't know but my whole body aches. It sucks tremendously. I am almost done with HP 6 and hopefully will be done before school starts back. Which is like in a week. Oh god yes! I am getting some big bones for babysitting. I mean BIG BONES. I think I'll be raking in about 80 dollars in all. And to me that rocks with a passion. I am getting a pair of DCs. To go along with my Etnies and other pair of DCs which totaly rules. Huhuh. Yay for me! LOL. I'm goin to the drag strip tomorrow. Which then again I might not because It's supposed to rain tomorrow. Oh well I guess I'll watch taped episodes of American Hotrod all day. Hmph. I've noticed that I am going to have like a bajillion friends next year. I am like the center of this huge clique thingie. I mean not like they all like me best but I am like their connection to knowing eachother. Without me Spencer wouldn't know Robby and Robby wouldn't know Qwaneshia and Qwaneshia wouldn't know Aaron. And so on. So I feel special. And this feels good. LOL Outtie.

Last night Mom and my stepdad Lance got into a huge fight and it got violent at one point but only for a minute. Anyway, this was the last straw for my mom and I think's she's really gonna divorce him. So... I don't know. But I kinda want him to leave. I just don't want Taylor and Savannah to leave because they're like my sisters and I love them. But Lance always gives me a hard time and that's why I really don't care if he leaves. It's just the fact the T and S'll have to go with him that bothers me. So when 3 rolls around, I'll really know what's going on. I'm just eager and scard of what's going to happen. I just hope I don't have to be the one to move. Okay, outtie for me.

Joey's got band camp on Monday and is leaving tomorrow. So I won't be going to Nana's until next Monday when he comes back. Rudy will be back from the beach by then. Me and Joey hung out all day. We moshed on the old houses back porch and he fell off. Haha! We made some lemonade and made up a game where we had to try and throw peppermints in eachothers cup. I sucked with only 2 scorers and Joey got like 6. Just goes to show I have no aim. For once in my life,Amanda's not on. Oh well.... I might have Misty over to spend the night on Thursday. Mom likes her a lot. She's one of my best friends. She's a bit more hardcore than me. Actually, she might be considered goth.... who knows. Some people think I'm goth but no, just punk or whatever you want to call it. Amanda is the only one that I hear calling themself goth.... hm. Well I got nothing else to say. Outtie.

So I didn't see Rudy today. And he's going to the beach tomorrow so I won't get to see him until... well come to think of it I don't really know. Massive thunderstorm today. Went into some old house that had a cool history behind it. It was just me Nana and Joey. Me and Joey were scared that there were ghosts around every corner.But no such luck. I went to Hot Topic dot com for like the 47th million time but Mom won't budge. She won't buy anything online b/c S&H. She said she will take me to the mall and go into the store personally. Some friend she is. I hate it when moms want to be your friend but put no effort into it. I'm watching the kickazz show American Hotrod. I watch it and American Chopper with a passion. It's awesome. Oh freaking yeah. I might start modeling. Whatcha think about that? It's sounds coolio. But then again I might not. All depends... I re-did my room.I have a queen sized bed now insted of twin. And guess what: I AM GETTING A NAPOLEAN DYNOMITE COMFORTER! WOOT! It's freaking awesome. Okay well if I think of anything else I will come back. But I am talking to Amanda right now and we're deep in conversation. Outtie.

I feel antsy right now because at three o'clock Mom's getting home. And normally that wouldn't be such a big deal but at around 12:00, I'm going to Nana's. And I'm going to hang out with Joey. But Rudy's not going to be there. He will be at three though because Mom will have picked up all the other kids and I'll just stay around. Rudy's not supposed to come to Nana's if all the other kids around. Especially Tyler, the Water Melon Tiller. So yesterday I went to Nana's to eat sloppy joes with Joey and we started calling one of them sloppy jane and she was sloppy joes wife and the had little kids named sloppy john and sloppy joanne. We're stupid. But when I had to go home Joey walked me and he said: What if I told Rudy you liked him? Me: I would be pretty mad. Joey: But what if he liked you back? Me: Then I really wouldn't care. Joey: I told him. Don't hurt me! Me: Dude, come on! I asked you not to! Joey: But he likes you back. Me:Oh, never mind. Thanks! (gave him a hug) Joey: Your welcome. So are you coming over tomorrow? Me:Probably. Why? Joey: Because if you stick around til your mom picks the kids up, Rudy will be over. Me: Oh, then I'll be there. Around 12? Joey: Yeah, sounds good. So then I waled up my driveway and into the house. Heh.... So I am bored now and I'm going to get something to eat. Outtie.