just broke up w/ my boyfriend...

heyy its been a long time... a very long time... its just that i havent been doing too good and i was grounded to the extream... not good... no not good at all ... well i'll tell ya why later i dont feel like typing...

well im so out of it rite now... i have a terribal hangover... wow i drank soo fucking much that i blacked out lastnite... and i got myself locked in a closet and i went crazzy... and i fell soooo many times and i did some stuff that i shouldnt have... like i 69ed it w/ brian ... and alot of otherr stuff but i dont rememeber it but he told me about it.... omfg i feel like shit rite now... im in pain from all the falls... and one time i fell and i broke a little yard lamp.... yehh it just broke... lmao i was laughing soo fucking hard and loud.... and then i lost my pants... yehh my fucking pants... i was walking around in my undies... (embarrasing)... and brian had to hold me up the whole time and take all the liquor away from me...but i pretended that i had to go get a coat and i got some more vodlka and beer... not a good combination... ehh ... i didnt get sick so im happ about that... and then matt dragged me inside and i went back out when he was laying down and i told brian to meet me... and he did and thats when i did all that stuff.... in the middle of the fucking road... lmao... it was fucking great... even tho i dont remember much of it...lol... but brian is moving this week so that was the last time i'll ever see him or drink w/ him ... so i guess im happy that i did it...and then brian walked me home and i went inside matt flipped out oon me saying he want around the block yelling for me and looking for me... lmao... well i was laying down laughing and yelling and then somehow i got into my closet and i couldnt get out... omfg i flipped out i was banging on the door screaming... i thought i was still outside.... abd then i got out after about 30 mins. and i went to bed.... but wow i dont think i'll be doing that for a while.. lol ... well i gotta go lay down ... i'll bbl .. i guess

LiKe a BaD stAr pack your things we can leave today say our goodbyes and get on the train gimme dat butt!! say goodbye just your and i in the sweet unknown we can just call eachother our home im racking my brain trying to comprehend how for some unknown reason our status will remain as friends im destroying my mind trying to understand how with little to no effort you've got me eating out of the palms of your hands i wanna tear apart your room to see if what you say is true darling, dont you lie, lie to me i wanna break into your heart to see why you want us apart oh, im scared to death to find out what you think of me ...iM faLLinG faSTer doWn

I draw a pretty picture A picture on my wrist The picture keeps getting bigger Every time my feelings are dismissed You think the words don’t hurt me That the actions don’t cause me pain You think that if I smile I must be happy again I’m not going to blame it on you Because I know that its my choice But it only ever happens when you raise your voice I hear the screams and shouts And I reach out for the blade I do it without thinking Then I look at the mess I’ve made it looks ugly and it stings But it takes away the pain And the hurt Of all the other things I know you’ll tell me its wrong If you ever find out That’s why I keep my arms covered I don’t want you to scream and shout I keep my arms covered so no one else can see The scratches ive made on my arms There something that’s private to me

well guess what... well yuu kno how i told yuu about the goy that asked me out and howw i thought it was too good to be true... well i was rite!he told me it was all a joke.. i didnt take it as hard as i thought i would..which is good..but i just got back from hanging out w/ the guy down the road...wow hes pretty hott i rlly like him..well we went back into the woods so i could give him head..well i did and he wasked me if he could jerk off in my mouth..so i let him and then he got it all over me...it was sick.. i thought i was gunna barf!ehh... im so happy thats over...but i guess i did it to make myself feel better cause he makes me feel like someone wants me but i kno hes using me but i rlly dont care cause he makes me feel good about myself...which i guess is a good thing to a certain point... like what will i do when he gets a g/f? ehh w/e im not gunna think about this rite now... but i dont think i'll be giiving head to ne one else too soon... i feel like such a little whore... i dont kno whats wrong w/ me..

arrgghhh i dont kno thats wrong w/ my diary!!grrr....it wont list the whole entry... now im all pissed ...but im not gunna let this bring me downn im outty... bbl

heyy ... today was ht best day i've had in a longg timmeee im soo happy... i hope tomarrows good too.... i got asked out by the guy i have been crushing on for ever... omg i was soo surprised i didnt kno what to say... but as soon as i got it all threw i said YES!!! hehe... im so excited... were going to the movies tomarrow nite hehe... i hope im not watching the movie if yuu kno what i mean lmao... well im gunna bbl -sanna

and tomarrow shawn is moving and i need to call him to tell him how much i love and how much im gunna miss that thugg... well i better get going... "im not like most guys, im not in it for sex" ritee willie... thats what they alll sayy<33

ehh today was pretty good... yehh... until the love of my life told me he didnt want a realationship w/ me... "tear" talk about upset... i cried for 1 and 1/2 hours... i was soo sad... i mean i loved himm<33 and tomarrow shawn is moving and i need to call him to tell him how much i love and how much im gunna miss that thugg... well i better get going... "im not like most guys, im not in it for sex" ritee willie... thats what they alll sayy<33

grr this diary is being fucking gayyyy... it wont let me post my whole entry...!!!!!

...<33... i need to keep this promise... i love him too much to break it... i'll just have to do something else... maybe take up dancing or piano lessions againn... or maybe just start smoking moree... heh... i have no idea... but the other nite i went w/ him to the fair... that was the last time i'll ever get to see him... i hate letting go of someone you love and trust... hes one of the few ppl i trust ne more... and to make things worse... im not speaking to Stacey... shes been such a bitch to me lately... plus she has better thing to do then talk to mee... oh,well ... all the ppl that i love are being cut off one by one... and just yesterday i found out the my other rlly good friend Casie is moving in w/ her father and they are moving down to Florida... ehh ... one thing after another... oh yehh the guy down the road that i always used to hang out w/ ... well we're not talking ne more either... he got what he wanted from me and ditched me... its really quite sad... its just like the 3 f's... Find her Fuck her and Forget her... well hes a dick and i hope he dies... and my cousin matt has been telling my mom what i have been doing... he told my mom about me giving the guy down the road head and stuff... soo my mom isnt letting me do ne thing...ehhh .... my life sucks... but heyy this week hasnt been too bad... i've had worse... knock om wood... well im outty... im actually in a really good mood today... i hope this lasts for a whilee<33 byee <33

wow i thought things were bad befor... well on firday my best friend shawn is moving... for the past 4-5 nights i have been crying myself to sleep... its really hard for me to let him leave... and its gunna be even more hard not to cut... cause he made me promise that i would never cut myself again... wow this is gunna be really hard... i cut myself for the last time lastnite... lets hope it was for the last time...<33... i need to keep this promise... i love him too much to break it... i'll just have to do something else... maybe take up dancing or piano lessions againn... or maybe just start smoking moree... heh... i have no idea... but the other nite i went w/ him to the fair... that was the last time i'll ever get to see him... i hate letting go of someone you love and trust... hes one of the few ppl i trust ne more... and to make things worse... im not speaking to Stacey... shes been such a bitch to me lately... plus she has better thing to do then talk to mee... oh,well ... all the ppl that i love are being cut off one by one... and just yesterday i found out the my other rlly good friend Casie is moving in w/ her father and they are moving down to Florida... ehh ... one thing after another... oh yehh the guy down the road that i always used to hang out w/ ... well we're not talking ne more either... he got what he wanted from me and ditched me... its really quite sad... its just like the 3 f's... Find her Fuck her and Forget her... well hes a dick and i hope he dies... and my cousin matt has been telling my mom what i have been doing... he told my mom about me giving the guy down the road head and stuff... soo my mom isnt letting me do ne thing...ehhh .... my life sucks... but heyy this week hasnt been too bad... i've had worse... knock om wood... well im outty... im actually in a really good mood today... i hope this lasts for a whilee<33 byee <33

man o man im in pAin ... i went to carousle park yesterday;;w/ my cousin matt and his friend bink...and we went on the go carts like a zillion times...lol we got into soo many accidents...cause im a craZzZy driverr ;]... and i love it... wow my parents are in this gAY argument... its soo fuCking gay... i dont get why they are such fag munchers... tHey are not even talking... wow they act like 4 year olds... im more mature then them ... lol ... this is the kiNda stuff that makes me cut myself...i wIsh i had someone to talk to about it... but iF my rents ever found out they would kill me...and they wOuld just fight even more... which isnt good...i dont kno how muCh more i can handle... i just wiSh i could be the perfect little girl that they alWays wanted...but that would be mE now would it?...but i feeL so bad cause most of the fights thEy have are about me and how im not pERfect... lIke the other day they got into a big fiGht cause they found out what i hAve been doing w/ the guys down the road...and the rlly gaY thing about is... they dOnt punish me for ne of it...they liKe punish themselves...which is fuckEd up... i mean im the screWed up one just ground me!!! and they are always telling me about how im just like my sister BJ... and how im neVer gunna make it anywhere in life... and im gunna get pregnant at 15..and how tHey are gunna have to kick me outta the houSe and how im not gunna have ne one.... but wiTh them tellimg me im like my sister im gunna just get more like her... nOw yuu see why i cUt ... it makes me feel better... and yuu see why i dRink and sMoke...and why i do the stuff i do w/ boys... and why i let everyone just walk all over me... i just feel soo worthless... all the tiMe... and i feel like no one wants me... i think it would all be better if i just had someone i could talk to ... i mean i did have staCey but shes not here ne more... and that just makes me do more self dictrUction ... i think i better go... i nEed to get out of this hOuse...

wow things at home have been kinda weird... i dont feel too close w/ ne one anymore... it come to the point where i spend most of my time locked up in my room w/ a depressing book and depressing music...and where i have been crying alot ...just for no reason... i havent talked to many of my friends this summer... i feel like im drifting away from them all... i cry all the time.... i rlly miss my cousin stacey... she was always there when i needed her but she moved and i dont get to see her very often ... im crying soo hard thinking about it now... i miss herrr so muchh ... i could tell her ne thing... i mean ne thing... she seems to understand me... i need to just someone to talk to ... _sanna

foooo shizzle ma nizzle badizzle next up isss hollywood homosizzle yeah yeah yeah ^^^^ how gay... lmao .... wow i havent been on in a while... well cause i have been at camp...omfg it sucked balls.... i went on this 9 mile hike up balsam mountain and we all got lost so it turned into a 13 mile hike up a mountain...i thought we were gunna die... lol ...but anyway the one nite we had to camp out on the mountain in a tent and i was in one tent w/ 3 other girls....and in the middle of the nite we rolled down the hill in the tent(he didnt have the steaks in) kinda a bad idea...but w/e... i thought we were all gunna die... lol ... and we all crawled out and walked up the hill w/ no shoes and in our pj's and got one of the counslers...wow he was rlly madd at us... lol oh well .... but when we all finaly got back to camp we were in out cabin one nite and we were being way to loud(playing the penis game...yuu scream penis as loud as yuu can till yuu get introuble) well yehh we got introuble ...our counsler came in and made us all line up outside (it was 3 in the fucking morning) well she yelled at us for a good 30 mins. and made us clean the boys and girls bathrooms.... i mean rlly wtf... i was sooo pissed...the boys bathroom smells like shit... (well it was a bathroom so yehh i guess but still our bathroom didnt smell like that) but before we all got introuble we were having alot of funn which was cool...so i guess it was worth it...lol ... but im happy to be home... but at the same time im not ....i dont want to be here... my parents have been rlly gay lately... like they fight all the time.. .and i just cant stand them talking to me... i whish they would just leave me alone... they are sooo fucked up ... they dont seem to trust me ne more snece i got introuble before they sent me away to camp... but yehh ... i dont rlly care thay dont have to trust me ne more.... im over it... i just hate when they try to talk to me about shit and how they complain to me... im 13 so leave me out of all your drama... please.... well i better get going im too madd to write.... but i will be back laterr <33 sanna

1. What is your name? sanna 2. What color underwear are you wearing now? black 3. What are you listening to right now? Smile Empty Soul 4. What are the last 2 digits of your phone number? 03 5. What was the last thing you ate? plum 6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? red 7. How is the weather right now? gloomy =( 8. Last person you talked to on the phone? Sebastian 9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex? eyes 10. Favorite Food? Mac and Cheese 11. Favorite Drink? coke 12. Favorite Alcoholic drink? hehe... pretty much ne thing i can get my hands on 13. Favorite place to shop? Aeropostal and Pac Sun 14. Hair Color? Blonde 15. Eye Color? Hazel 16. Do you wear contacts? No 17. Favorite Month? april 18. Favorite Fast Food? Wendys 19. Last Movie you Watched? 102 dalmations... hehe 20. Favorite Day of the Year? Havent Really Thought Of That One 21. Are you too shy to ask someone out? nahh 22. Summer or Winter? Summer (i Hate spillin On the ice) 23. Hugs or Kisses? Both 24. Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate 25. What are you most comfortable in? My PJ pants And A Hoodie 26. What books are you reading? go ask alice 27. What's on your mouse pad? It Says Dell Cause it came wit the computer 28. Favorite Board Game? Life 29. What did you do last night? Came Online..then i snuck out w/ some guy ... hehe 30. Where would you rather be right now? Any Where But Here 31. Who inspires you? My Friends IDK wut i would do witout them 32. Butter, Plain, or salted popcorn? Butter 33. Favorite Cookie? chocolate chip 34. Favorite Flower? A black rose 35. What do you say when you wake up in the A.M? Oh Shit Another boring day 36. Do you still talk to your best friend from middle school? Sometimes 37. What's on your desk? Ugh...A Ton Of Shit 38. Rock Concert or Symphony? Rock Concert 39. Play or Opera? Neither 40. Have you ever fired a gun? Yes 41. Do you like to travel by plane? love it 42. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right-handed 43. Smooth or Chunky Peanut Butter? Smooth 44. How many pillows do you sleep with? like 12 45. City and State you were born in? tampa,florida 46. Ever hitchhiked? No --------------HAVE YOU EVER--------------------------- Been so drunk you blacked out? omfg yes..but i remembered "some" stuff Pierced a body part yourself? No Put a body part on fire for amusement? No Been hurt emotionally? ugh..stupid question..yes Had an imaginary friend? Yes when i was like 2 Wanted to hook up with a friend? Yes Had a crush on a teacher? No Ever thought an animated character was hot? yes...twister from rocket power...lmao Had a New Kids on the Block tape? No Been on stage? Yes Cut your own hair? yes.... :X Been sarcastic? Never Not A moment in my life (yea) ---------------FAVOURITES------------------ Shampoo? dove Hair Color? Blonde Eye Color? Hazel Summer/Winter? Summer Cartoon character? Bugs Bunny Fave Food? Didnt I Answer This All Ready? Fave movie(s)? goonies Fave Ice Cream? Chocolate Fave 'normal' drink? Ice tea Fave Person to talk to on-line? stacey... lol i love her soo much <33 ------------------RIGHT NOW------------------ Wearing? short and a halter top Hair is? umm up in a pony I'm feeling? Tired Drinking? Soda Thinking about? hmm...im not gunna tell u....hehe...its a secret...SHHHH! And listening to? Smile Empty Soul Talking to? stacey and shawn and seb on the phone... ------------------IN THE LAST 24 HOURS------------------ Cried? omg yes... cause someone was trying to kil me... lmao Worn a skirt? No Met someone new? yes Cleaned your room? Hell no Driven a Car or Truck? No But i Have Rode In A Car ------------------DO YOU BELIEVE IN------------------ Yourself? Yes well most the time Your friends? Yes Tooth Fairy? Of Course Who Else Would Give U Money For Your Teeth? Destiny/Fate? Yes Angels? Yes Ghosts? Yes Ufo's? No -------------------FRIENDS AND LIFE------------------ Do you have a crush on someone? yess Who have you known the longest of your friends? michelle... woah ...for like ever Who's the loudest? michelle Who's the shyest? katie Who do you go to for advice? michelle crystal melinda and stacey Who do you cry to? anyone that will listen lol What's the best feeling in the world? Knowing that there is somethin out there for u but u have to find and belive in it and ur self Who will respond to this the fastest? ?!?!?!? IDK Who sent this to you? umm ... no one.. Do you want all your friends to do this? It is their choice

today was great.....rode quads wit a bunch of ppl idk and rode out to the ruff cut on some trails...got hit in the fucked face wit a tree branch...went to the hindu...fun fun fun......went out to the dunes and got pushed off the fuckin dune....oh well...cant see too well outta my left eye idk y and i got a fuckin head ache liek a mother fucker w/e im outty ¤sanna

wow today o was babysitting my sisters kids and the one pulled out a knive and came after me w/ it cause i wouldnt give him a cookie :X... wow was i scared...then he threatened to kill himself and he called 911... i cant stand this kid... omfg hes gunna be the reason i become a chain smoker... lol ... but yehh then i called my mom and she was all like ohh hunny hes only 7 he cnat do ne thing... i was all like what the fuck mom hes fucking trying to kill me and all yu ucan say is hes only 7 what can he do... well he stabbed me fucking scissors mom ... yehh thats nothing... i mean its only like 1in. deep ... yepp but its nothing...wtf now im all fucking madd... i hate this.. see ya all laterr xOx _Sanna

well... im sooo pissed today for some reason...i dont wanna be around ne one... its one of those days where yuu dont care if yuu live or die... and how yuu just wanna be badd... well i was bad alriite... i smoked a whole pack of cigerettes... and i feel wondrful... im not even madd at myself...and i wanna drink i wanna drink alot!! but its only 2 in the afternoon... so i cant... ehh... and im just soo madd... at everyone!! i have no reason to be madd... well except for lastnite...when i was suppose to give a blow job and the guy balied on me!! i was like wtf... yuu mother fucker :X... lol i was like rdy to cry... he said it was because of the rain ... what a lame excuse (it wasnt even raining) i think he may be gay ..thats why he didnt wanna do ne thing... hehe...i bet its true!! well the phone is ringing and that means i gotta get it...so ill bbl ... :) xOx__sanna