I cant get the stupid P off of my hand from the show on saturday. We didn't even intentionally go to it, we just happened to go to the bowling alley, and Chrysalis is playing at the bar, Shooters. I havent thought of Jesse since me and Chuck got back together and I found out I was pregnant. I havent wanted to anyways. But I have this horrendous feeling that one day, like ten years from now, Im going to meet up with him again. Like when he is a fading rock star, and I am this authoress with a strange daughter, fifty cats, and my own private island that is shaped like a skull, we will end up meeting at a deli in New York, and go "Holy fuck, I know you." I dont want to though. I think of Chuck now, and smile actually. I am restless until they come home, but I cant wait for him to get out of bed in the morning, so I can have it all to myself and my growing stomach that wont stop moving in the middle of the night. Funny how bits and pieces of Sublime songs fit my life. Like Garden Grove: "It's you, it's that sh*t stuck under my shoe It's that smell inside the van It's my bed sheet covered with sand Sitting through a sh*tty band Getting dog sh*t on my hands Getting hassled by the man Waking up to an alarm Sticking needles in your arm Picking up trash on the freeway Gettin' depressed every day Leaving without making a sound Pickin up my dog up at the pound Livin in a tweeker pad Gettin yelled at by my Dad Saying I'm happy when I'm not Finding roaches in the pot" and What I Got: why I don't cry when my dog runs away. I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay. I don't get angry when my Mom smokes pot, hits that bottle and goes right to the rock. F*ckin and fighting, it's all the same. Yeah. Beatrice is not listening to Sublime until she is a teenager. At least.