Once again I find myself in the large a dark abyss of trying to date. I am a social retard when it comes to daiting. I never know when a guy is flirting or not. Im never sure. So now I have to sludge my way thru finding a boyfriend. I dont need one, but I want one. Someone to love and kiss and make me feel good. When doing things of that nature with Russ my stomach would squirm with a trickle of disgust. I used to supress it and ignore it but Im tired of denying my very self anymore. I need my heart to sing when Im being caressed. Not writhe uncomfortably. Besides I hate it when guys stick their tongues in my mouth. Its like, "Uh, excuse me? That is my mouth you are defiling with your yucky tongue. Yeah, when I want a tongue in my mouth I will let you know." I couldn't even kiss him with my lips barely apart. The second they parted a just a tiny tiny bit, so I could breathe that damn tongue poking out. Seriously. I know that frenching can be a really erotic, pleasurable, or just plain romantic experience, but not when its like that. I like to build up to it, not just go at it the second our lips touch. Anyways, Ive gotten myself all worked up about it now. Gah. Im glad he's in Idaho, something that USED to make me miserable. Ever since he came and visited, I find myself cooling off towards his. Plus, he sucks in all physical aspects. And I do mean ALL -hint,nudge,wink-. He also is inept at making you feel uncomfortable with something he says. And I swear he lies...A LOT. But whatever. I saw a really cute guy at the store and he followed me out and was looking for me, but I didn't know it tell I was in the car driving away. When I looked back in the rearview mirror I saw him watch my car then go back into the store with his head down. I almost want to go back. Oh joy, trying to find a boyfriend again. Woopie. Well ma filles (my girls, in french) Bea has just discovered me in the office. She made a break for it from my dad and now she is on my lap and typing will be impossible. TTFN dahlings