copywritted This morning I was sitting on a rock near my house and found I was asking myself questions ones I could not answer. Like when, when will I die? When will I know the meaning of life? When will I know who I am? Where? Where will I be when I learn these things? How… How will I know for sure I’m right? How will my life change, for the better or for the worse? Why? Why am I here, is there really a reason? Why do some die young and some old? Why am I sitting here wondering these these things? Then it hit me I don’t know when I will find the meaning of life or if I ever will. Although if I don’t get up and do something right now with my life it might be too late. And If I don’t move then I’ll find the meaning sitting right here on this rock, how I don’t know, than at least I know why it’s because I haven’t moved. Just sitting here wondering When where how and why isn’t going to help much all this does is waste part of my life and no one wants to waste there life. As a result of all this I believe you can’t find the whole meaning of life or your life sitting on a rock wondering these things. Life has no meaning to those who sit around and do nothing for themselves or anyone else. Your life has no meaning if you just stay put so either go ahead be your own guest and sit around and do absolutely nothing so there is no meaning to your life, or you can be my guest and get up and do something for someone or do something for yourself. Give your life the meaning you want to give it. To answer those questions you might wonder well sitting on a rock…. When… When will you find the meaning of your life well you decide it could be now or you could wait awhile personally I think you should get up now and make a meaning to your life. Where… you can find the meaning to your life wherever you want. How… Well how do you want to find it? How do you want to find it. Well sitting here worrying about the world and how big it is to you? Or worrying about what might happen in the future or what happened in the past isn’t it. Do you want to find it well thinking how would so and so do this or how would I? Do you want to find it well being you or being someone your not? Why..?You decide why you are here and if there is a reason you are here. Your life will change better if you change it for the better and for the worse if you change it for the worse. You control that like you can control EVERYTHING about you. All you must do is believe you can. So what are you waiting for someone to come push you forward well guest what no ones coming. Get up go do something for you make something of your life. Don’t wait do something everyone will remember. Don’t go a day wishing you could have done something better or different never regret your chooses. Live life your way and live it for you. So go ahead show everyone your lifes meaning

WOW have u ever been told something over and over and say you get it but don't then one day you finally get it ? years and just now do I get what you all have been saying

haven't been on in forever I'm lost! evrything seems to go ok then its not. Sometimes I just don't know what to do. Poems will be up tomorrow im out for now just no Im here love ya all night

COPYWRITTED HAVE YOU EVER DREAMED OF SOMETHING AND NEVER GOT IT? HAVE YOU EVER LIED FOR IT JUST TO COME TRUE? HAVE YOU EVER SAT OUTSIDE IN THE DARK WONDREING WHY? OR SAT OUT IN THE SUN ASKING HOW? HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT IN A GRAVE YARD WISHING YOU WERE 6FT UNDER? OR PLAYED WITH THE THOUGHT OF SUICIDE? HAVE YOU EVER CUT YOU WRIST THINKING WHAT IF I COULD PUSH A LITTLE HARDER? HAVE YOU EVER HAD A HERO OR BEEN ON? HAVE YOU EVER... WELL I HAVE

THIS IS COPYWRITTED LOOKING IN THE MARRIOR SHE SEES A PERSON SHE DOESN’T LIKE ITS EVERYTHING SHE HAS TRIED SO HARD NOT TO BE.. SHE THOUGHT SHE CHANGED THAT NEVER AGAIN WOULD SHE BE ABLE TO WILLINGLY HOLD A SHARP OBJECT TO HER SKIN AND PUSH…. EVERYTHING CHANGED WITH A LITTLE PUSH.. SHE TRIED SO HARD TO STOP IT WAS HARD TO BE HER AS THE GIRL LOOKED IN THE MARRIOR WITH TEARS RUNNING DOWN HER FACE SHE ASK WHY CAN SHE BE THE PERSON SHE WANTS TO BE THE YOUNGE GIRL FAULT A HAND ON HER SHOULDRED SHE LOOKS UP IN THE MARRIOR TO SEE HER BEST FRIEND KIND OF SEE THROUGH BUT THERE. SHE THINKS THAT SHE SHOWED BECAUSE SHE WANTS TO HELP BUT SHE CAN’T SHES NOT REALLY THERE SHE ALWAYS LOVED ME AND TOLD ME SO BUT SINCE SHES GONE I ‘VE BECOME EVERYTHING I NEVER WANTED TO BE

He says he hates ppl like me I can't believe its true he said it once and won't talk now it tares me to peice to hear this I always say hi and don't get anything back a story is begining to open and thats sad its been 4 months since I told a story last I'd hate to start now but ut might have to be. I've cried alot in the last few weeks not over him but how stupid it all really is I can't do it now if i cut he'll hate me more he'll say it was for attention or to get more so the story is opening Ill just hide it real good

copy writted what do you do when no one seems to be there for you and the world is just passing you by? what do you do when schools just a get away and when no one will pay attention unless your in trouble what do you do when everyone you love runs the other way and the people you admire are not always there what do you do when your crying and you don’t know who to turn to what do you do when you feel like dying and cuttings the only way out what do you do when your feeling down and like the world seems to be against you what do you do when your feeling great but no ones there to celebrate and they can’t even seem to notice what do you do when everything you do someone says its wrong and your always in trouble but you don’t know why what do you do when your happy as can be and the person you call your best friend can’t even start to see it What do you do when cutting seems to be the only way but you promised not to what do you do when noone will listen to a plea do you beg on your knees what do you do when your friends need you but its over your head what do you do when you need a friend and noone around wants to be one?

I thought I quit but here I am again with the blade to aw scar ready to reopen it. Watch the blood flow. My pain falls out with it for a while I can't believe I'd let it get to me like that. Words are words hey I got a few of them scared to they could open for me and make me smile!!! what was I thinking one cut after anther I'll push harder can't fail then maybe then I'll stop when I'm died theres nothing sharp except the blade stuck in my wrist I shed a few tears and cut a few lines wipe off the tears and wash the blood and move on for now. Kids ask all the time about the new boo boo I have but I turn the other way and say I fell...

copywritted Slice by slice you tried to tell your stories but no one listened no one even portended to care from wrist to albow and from albow to wrist you had your story written up and down from left to right north to south you rewrote it over and over again. Each slice had a story that no one wanted to hear but never failed to comment on which lead to another story. And athother silent tear at times there were thoughts of suicide but never could attempt it afraid to see that ever one would show to the funeral home to celaberte the day you died. No one saw the pain you fualt it was hide behide a smile. But today you think you would lay on the tiles and forget your smile . You popularly was all you had but more the you wanted. Slice by slice your telling you stories to anyone willing to care your ankles would have to share The wroth of that razor for you arms were full of stories and you still had more. Today thoughts of suicide were overwhelming so you wrote you friends a note and gave the razor one more go And in the morning when you awoke you lay in pain no blood remained you doubt your still alive you pray god above will take you and at that very moment You remembered what someone once said “you mean the world to me and someday I’ll be back to get you friends forever that’s what well be” as you call for help the person that once said those words picked you up to heaven and brought you home with them

copywritted I’m not crazy, I’m just a little confused, Exhausted, and scared. You said so much it made me think am I really the way that they all seem to thinkI am? I’m just watching life go by Sitting here and wondering, why? I just want to be me Happy, smiling and carefree. But most of the time am not I am sad and blue and someone I’m not I'm just a little scared I think its of being me, I don’t want to be that way I don’t want to be scared anymore. Everything I did I fucked up and all my friends have given up I can’t just wish for someone cared. Because you’ve been there and done that All I could do is think of me and how I used to be. It was so hard but finally I figured out you really were not placing an act no one ever cared as much as you, actually no one ever cared But now I see this selfish side of me that was the side you knew I’m attention seeking and always was I was wasting my time, but then what did I expect? No one wants to spend time with me, because of how I am I’m Losing friends left and right what can I do? everything doesn’t seem right I’m looking for myself, the self I want to be the happy smiling me Life goes on around me, I pretend to take part but does anyone really see I can’t because there seems to be no part for me? I love life to no end I just can’t find my part I always thought that it really doesn’t matter what you think just what you do. I know I’m not myself, but I want to be I will find away if it takes me forever and a day Crying, worrying and anxious too I wish I knew that I’m still not alone I need to decide so help me please I'm asking you on bent knees I just can't face the day ahead Should I do this? Or should I do that? I don't want to talk Wait, I feel like a chat.I'm too scared to go forwards and scared to turn back. Everything is blurry And starting to turn black. I knew this was a mistake to go walking on my own. No one knows how scared I feel.I just didn’t want to let you go you mean so much to me you said and did so much to help. I admire you but that doesn’t matter now I messed up bad this time I really did I can’t seem to find myself because every time I try to look I look back to see you I feel like half my life is gone since the day that Angela died. Sometimes I want to give up and just draw a picture on my wrist except when I start to feel that why I get so scarred of what you will say and even wonder sometimes if you still care anyway.

copy writted Don’t pretend like you know how I feel don’t say you understand and put out a helping hand Because in case you haven’t heard you haven’t been through what I have and you caused the pain not me and not my friends Don’t try to blame it all on them and don’t tell me its my fault you pushed me harder every time I said no I told you my life story and all you do is laugh you mutter how you love me but that never last it’s only if its you and me when it comes to others you laugh and say look at me I would never but I bet she’s just a push away you mock at me with your comments about how wrong me and you would be. Later that day you’ll apologize just like you did before, then you laugh when the question pops up and my reply is no. Don’t pretend you heard your own words don’t pertend that they hurt You to because if they did you wouldn’t say them and look at me to laugh Don’t hide behide your stupid lies don’t hold me when I cry your making things worse then they have to be and making my life hell you say it was a dream one day we did nothing the next you say I didn’t ask to stop or not to start but in reality you’re the one who couldn’t stop before we even started… I have these dreams at night that you will come back and that it was all a dream mixed with twisted reality. When I see you with another girl I laugh in fear that she won’t be like me. And have to wonder if it was twisted reality

this is copywrited too !! ask to use I knew a certain guy who was greater then all the rest he was my best friend and my brother now he’s my guardian angel and my superman, His powers were better then the superman from the movies. mine couldn’t do the things That one could but if you have a problem, He'll come and rescue you. He would help me get passed the bad days. Let me cry on his shoulder, lend me a hand Now he’s a memory the best in the world my superman is a hero to many and can never be replaced he’s one of a kind. My superman is an angel in heaven, he watches over me everyday and will never leave my side my guardian angel is my superman and he’s watching over me

DON"T STEAL THIS ASK TO USE IT PLEASE its copywritted I had a dream last night or was it reality whatever it was It was comfortable, but at the same time a terrible scare I saw the blade coming closer to my skin or was it actually there the pictures not so clear now All my troubles slowly started to drip away at least for a little while with a few quick swipes But no one will understand that the pain and fears I once had all are fading away relief is felt for now feeling alive - instead of dead self-hatred, anger, guilt stream out total fulfillment - without a doubt fighting depression everyday insecurities & fear along the way low self-esteem, feelings of anguish but nobody ever said life was fair right? There's a lot of us here - you see the abused, and broken, wanting to be free we’re afraid, scarred, needing care looking for help - is anyone there? Are you there? remember I’m still a lost child within waiting for a friend’s arms to hold me tight hoping & praying someone will care and maybe show me it will be alright you'll see the young person behind the tears that needs you to be there all you have to do is look within and care why do I do these things you ask to punish myself & get rid of sin to destroy the images & lies that were told that left me torn apart, messed up & cold if you really listen & try to understand maybe I'll trust you & take your hand just listen to me when I need your ears always give me your arms to hug away my fears help me rip out the crazy thoughts inside in head… stick with me & be a true friend… …because that’s all I truly need is you my friend.

man consolors are gay today they asked if I was over my frineds death. I never will be and they want to send me away because I freaked out when they asked.I sit back and watch friend after friend die and nobody do anything about it nobody even shows they care after 6 months is up its like the person never was there.. how do you do that how do yuo not want to die not cut? how do you get over a friend dying? can you ? how do you deal with it? im lost confussed and want my friends back..... HELP

Afraid to confide in a friend after all my best one can’t meand my heart if shes already dead. Everyone says they understand but they forget so fast what hurt feels like theres a knife stabbing me in the chest its also in my heart everyday I that your not here for me to call and talk to. You just don’t know how it feels to be me to always want to die to not be loved you don’t know that feeling its hard suicide is a feeling that is always there knowing if I pushed that razor a little harder it would make one of my dreams come true. I wish for a day when someone would say they care when they would say they’re glade I’m here. That days not coming fast enough not for me. Does anyone hear me do you care or should I push the razor just a little harder so then you can pretend I was never here?

I'm sorry I can't be perfect in your eyes. remember everyone views perfect different though. I can't please everyone its inpossible I've tried and I'm not doing it anymore. I made myself misrable for so long trying to make everyone else happy and it didn't work. How come I can't just be me that should be perfect enough if your really my friends. right? Theres so much to life its short and long at the same time. All ppl seem to do is judge others for what they see on the outside thats a suxy way of living life don't you htink? I want to be happy and be friedns with everyone. I want to be remembered as the person who was always smiling no matter what but you all making your observations make it so I can't. but I wont let you get in my way coreys not going to hate me forever Im gonna do this my way now!!!! hehehehehehehe

I was think about everything you all have ever said to me and I think... I can't hide behide a fake smile anymore. or hide behide the tears or what is not me and I can't hide the scars anymore. not that I smiled much anyhow... you no what I mean I want to be me not who I'm told to be! I don't want to be miss perfect ever though I never was I don't want to be labled by the ppl i talk to or who I hang out with, I don't want to be labled at all in one "click" I have friends that do drugs, that are christian, that are goth, I have friends that are perfect in the eyes of many, I have friends in all groups and I don't change me to go from group to group, I'm tyred of being and doing everything because someone tells me to. When I want to do something I will and when I don't I won't. I want to change me so that I am me I'm not satitisfied with the me that does everythign that is wanted of me... I'll finish later feeding the baby she just woke up!!!!!!!!

Today I heard a story of a boy our age (17). Who gets drunk for the fun of it and still drives home. That scares me because we walk and drive up and down the streets everyday whats stoping the next person that hopfully makes it all the way past us from being drunk. What's stopping him from hitting us or one of our friends. It's not only that it's the fact that knowing good and well what can happen and has happen more then once around here and NO ONE seems to be doing a thing about it. an dsome seem to have stoped careing. Some people that I know were danny's friends are still out there drinking and driving or getting in cars with people that have been drinking what more does it take. Is it really going to have to take someone else dying to stop you from making a mistake, I'm not by any means saying danny made a mistake because we all no he had his reason for getting in that car and I have faith it was to help a friend stop doing something he shouldn't. Danny was just a good person put in a bad situation. So what happens next are you just going to sit back and let your friends drink and drive or ride with someone who has been? Are you going to drink because you want to fit in because its what EVERYONES doing? By the way thats not true not everyone is drinkning I'm proud to say I can have fun and not be drunk or drink at all for that matter. I think its stupid. Don't be stupid when temptaion hits remember one name DAN .J. BRANNING and if you can still go do it you have a prob and need help a lot of help. and you need to go get help. just something to think about. RIP DJB ^i^

Man today suxed. I had to babysit and not only was there Eden the little girl I was sapost to watch but five boys too. OMFG they were messing everything up in the house and outside. They were pretty good with Eden but man the one got mad at his bro and chased after him with a stick and tried to hit him but only got him once before I got to them he got me once to though... luck him I didn't have Eden in my arms or he'd be died! Not really. They were all sweethearts for the most part...:( this suxs I would right more but ummm anthonys here and thats NOT GOOD.

Fireworks were good last night Jamie and I went. She was acting like such a nut that these "gangster" people changed sides of the road to get away. lol I love her she cracks me up! Kristina got her belly percied! it cute. and I think this makes her happy! so Im happy for her. i miss school so much well I miss jackie and liz. there the bestest people in the whole intire wrold they have helped me so much they've been through thick and even thicker with me and still don't give up!!! well gtg