i hate myself. i really do. i am sooooo regretting not going to IB this year, or even Fair. IM SO FUCKING MAD. i missed out on so much, and i just found out that the guy i like hooked up with someother girl who is totally wierd and that if i had gone to camp, then i would have!!!! UGH I HATE MYSELF IVE LEFT EVERYTHING THAT IVE EVER KNOWN AND CARED ABOUT...GUS, Indian Brook, GDA, Massachusetts, and now its gonna be Camden/Steven and i HATE MYSELF FOR IT!

ok what is it with me liking a guy, and them semi-liking me back enuf to get my hopes up and then me finding out that they like the other girl. SERIOUSLY?! two guys in one month.......what the fuck is wrong with guys these days? honestly. its not like i want every guy to like me, but for two guys to semi like me and then go and decide that they like some other girl better is just stupid. UGH boys are a fucking waist of time. how do u make a guy like you????? if anyone can tell me PLEASE im all ears!!! ps. i got a new email: iamkuller@gmail.com ^send all ur opinions on my fucked up boyless life to that email and ill love you forever. god i sound desperate. its what arts school does to you. cuz all the guys are gay. or they have girl friends. except for Evan. but we all know how that ended up. dont you hate it when you hook up with a guy you really like, only to find out the NEXT DAY that he had a girlfriend back in georgia and that he likes someother girl named Grace who is in the theater department who is a fucking dancer too so its not like you can be better than her. AHHH if you dont know my sad Evan story, email me and ill tell you alllll about it. cuz it sucked. boys suck. alot. AHHH save me. xoxo

So as you can see by the title of this entry, that my bird Viggo is gone. No, not dead, just gone. i dont know how it happened because i was at camp but aparently my brother had him on his shoulder and walked outside and Viggo just flew away. im soooooo sad!!!!! i was shopping in boston with my mom and Hillary and Ben called and told me and i just burst out crying becuase i was so sad. I never even got to say goodbye!!!!!!!! and apparently some person saw him and called the animal shelter but the STUPID FUCKERS lost the phone number so i dont know where to call to find him. ive lost all hope of finding him again. i really miss him. life isnt fair. AHHH. on a brighter note i might be hanging out with isaac and steven tomarow. YAY. but aparently steven likes ilona. i honestly cant blame him, i saw her today and shes like the coolest person ever. ugg why cant i be like that? oh wait, just gotta say one wierd random thing. when i was saying bye to Joshua and camp i met his twin sister and apparently she thought i was a model. Thats like the third time ive heard someone say that i could be a model in the past month...wierd... xoxo soph ps. i have a 6 pack woohoo!!!

sometimes i just dont get friends. one moment they are awesome, the next they ditch you for the other. i mean WHAT THE FUCK!? who does that? ahhh im so mad. and depressed. I finished Harry potter today. its so sad. so that put me in the worst mood ever seeing as i finished it before dance class this morning. I only have like 4 days left here and its stupid to leave mad at my friends but COMMON i didnt do jackshit. and now they;'re rubbing it in my face. AHH I WANT TO LEAVE THIS FUCKING CAMP GET ME OUT OF HERE. i would say call me, but i know you wont

WOW holy crapppppp i cant believe i have one more week here! acually, not even a week...i leave on sunday. My first performance is on friday at 7:00 and my second is saturday but i dunno what time. Its at the Walnut Hill School in Natick mass so all of you who love me will come... :-P this week is gonna suck tho cuz its all the same: Breakfast 8:45 - 11:15 (ballet) 11:15 - 12:00 (pointe) lunch 1:00- 5:00 (REHERSAL) dinner ...yeah its gonna suck... xoxo CALL ME I MISS EVERYONE!

i cant believe its already my 4th week at Walnut Hill...it really doesnt seem that long. But now that i think about it, it has been a while. For some odd reason dance doesnt seem to be getting any easier. I keep hurting myself and other people keep hurting themselves and its just stupid after a while cuz by the end of class there is like 4 people sitting out. I guess i can simpithize with them tho cuz it really does SUCK to get hurt and have to sit and watch dance for 2 and 1/2 hrs doing absolutly nothing. anyways, im going to lunch...ill write more later. p.s. i have the WORST scheduale today... Variations first which is boringggg then jazz which is aweful then rehersal with mr.owen which is AWEFUL TIMES THREE. wish me luck. call the cell :) xoxo soph

CALL ME!!!! 978 578 3460

Eawnyc8: ok soph. now whne u go to walnit hill this year i dont want u to get in to sny trouble.. u r vry talented and so i want u to be the best. so if i hear or seee that u r becoming a Bibi lost at birth i will come up there to MASS and perminantly kick ur ASSSSSS. there r lots of drugs nad stff up there and just cause im not there to rein u in DOES NOT mean u ca be a crazy child. Beacause let me tell u something love: i WILLLLL find out!!!! i know everything that mael does so i will most certainlt knkow everything u do!!!!! am i making myself clear!!!>>>>> Eawnyc8: ps- i love u very much and am very sad u r leaving me aww i love betsy!! xoxo

i finally got my internet working again!!! srry i havnt written in a while. wow so life is sooo complicated but not. dont ask. maine is boring as hell except when im with my friends. serisouly if i have stand one more day with my mom yelling at me i think ill run away back to mass...thank god she and ben are leaving tomarrow to go looking at colleges. i get 5 solid days without them...then anothr week here then off to dance camp!! im sooo excited for that. but im gonna die , cuz im sooo dead anyway from only two pointe classes and i had to break in two new pairs of pointe shoes in two classes and one pair is hard enuf....ahhh boys are a whole different story but ull have to IM me to find out about that one ...hehe mucho love. im bored ALWAYS so call meee xoxo

TexasJake987: ok you went to your crazy intense dance school and you met this guy that loved dancing and you like fell him love with him and you guys started hangin out all the time and gettin in the hot tub and stuff and then one day he told you he was gay ^jake's dream

ok so jake and i are talking about exam scheduales... TexasJake987: i have a and g TexasJake987: and noone to do inbetween FUNNY STUFF

remember devil doll and radiskull?? aww i miss them...good ole gus days :) *tear

ok you ALL have to go here and then comment on it cuz its fucking hillarious: http://www.worstkind.com/Swe3_large.mov COMMENT oh man it makes me laugh

Do you remember when we first met? I sure do It was some time in early September But you were lazy about it, you made me wait around I was so crazy about you, I didn't mind So I was late for class, I locked my bike to yours Guess that I was afraid that if you rode away You might not roll back my direction real soon But all these times, they come and go And alone don't seem so long We can't rewind, we're locked in time

"There was that law of life, so cruel and so just, that one must grow or else pay more for remaining the same"

in the LIBRARY WOHOOOOOOOOO so ya im bored blahhh lindz and tommy and jake and leslie are huurr

ahhhh isnt he ADORABLE?!

at schoooman.. just finished a stupidass bio test wich i deff think i failded

ya so i just got off the phone with gio and dre. HAHA they r the funniest ppl i know. cell phones suck tho, cuz i couldnt hear half of wat they said. anyway, they sang to me wich was funny, but the funniest part about it was that they were singing vanessa carlton and avril levigne and simple plan . stuff like that. oh mann, and they knew every word!!! funyyyyyy. so ya, we talked for an hour. im just glad that i get free nights and weekends, so i can talk alll i want without my parents getting a hugeass bill saying that i was talking to dre and gio for over an hour. HA try explaining that one. anyways, im skipping my lacrosse game tomarrow so i can hang out on campus with gio and dre. i might as well do it now when i can. we only have 45 more days till graduation. sucks, doesnt it? everyone is so happy, but im soooo sad to b leaving. i love it here. really. but, i feel like i made the right chioce. i got my stupidass comments from teachers back today. they ALL said that i have been slacking. serisouly, every single one of them. wow. my parents are going to FLIP OUT. whatever, ill deal. i always do. :) night night alll....g2g study for bio AHHH I HATE THAT FUCKING CLASS xoxo -soph p.s. i watched "tru calling" tonight. i like it alot. its on after the o.c. (luv that show)

hey yall im in mael's dorm right now...listeneing to Crash and the fuck song HAHA such a fun time. maggie is next to me LUV DAT GURL. and caroline and allie and mael too. oh lallalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaa. so pumped for the dance tonight!!!!! hellz ya, since im leaving this school, im going badass for the rest of the year, NO HOLDING BACK. hahahhahhaha gda welcome to hell. ooh i miss my gussians allie, rache, lina, lisa, livvy, all the rest :) luv to ya xoxox