Hell on Earth

Second beer tonight that I've counted so far. I'd drink too if I lived with me. How are you supposed to kick four addictions at once? Not the easiest shit to do. The porn is just the icing on the cake. He may not physically cheat anymore, but he sure does lust and engage with other women all the time behind my back. It wasn't just a few months, it was years.

Maybe you've also been physically cheating this whole time too. I remember smelling perfume when he was at our old apartment and he said he didn't start cheating until we moved into the new place.

I'm totally sick and fucking furious every moment of every day. I can't eat because I'm afraid of throwing up or maybe I just have no appetite. Every time I cry, I'm amazed I have more tears to cry, they never end. How can I continue.

He wants me to break up with him but he cannot do it. He is only continuing for my daughter's sake and because he feels guilty. He doesn't really love me, he only thinks he owes me this. Well, I don't want his pity or be a fucking side piece. I just wanted authentic love for christ sake.

He will learn to cover his tracks better. Things will go back to status quo and I'll be all alone again, living a life for someone else. I'll go back to being a flesh light every once in awhile. The only difference, is that I know now.

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^ that is important, esp that last line.

ive also been in your spot, and leaving proved to be the start of an amazingly better life ^_^

you deserve better - and your *daughter* does, also. she will learn from you how to be treated by a partner some day. let her see her mum value herself and have expectations of love and respect; teach her how to give love and receive it. it'll be the greatest gift you can give - both to her and to you. ( 8
Even if i'm not supposed to, i want to tell you my opinion about your entries:

Iam a guy who cheated on his wife, took her for granted, got even better at cheating, even deleted the mobile number of my lover every day before i went home and every morning i typed it in again to have the chat contact.

After all that came out, we stuck together again, it worked for quite a while, but only because i was afraid she was leaving me and take my son with her. That was 3 years ago and i'm still thinking about cheating, about leaving her, but all, that stops me from doing that is my son.

If he's a cheater and not even trying to make you happy: free yourself and your daughter.

be well.