im happy. man i swear im bi polar. but things are going great. I have a crush. he is great. things are working swell with that. Brian eh..hes gone i guess. he doesnt want me so why waste my time..my dad.still working on..but things are swell for the mean while.

screw the world. my world is gone. no friends no lifeno school no family no antying. im to upset 'dgj'kfldhbgfd whatever. dont act like you care.

IM BACK!! i havent left an entry in awhile. well lets see..me and my boyfriend broke up. a year of dating and its gone. I am dumb and stupid and i should be shot. I shouldnt of broken up with him. How can i be so stupid!? seriously. Anyhoo. I have 2 jobs now. one at bertonloli's and then another at Andres. I keep myself busy. im getting more hours. Where i will work every day besdies wed. So if you ever want to hang...i probably cant. I am doing this because i feel like no one cares and no one wants to hang with me. And if they do hang with me they feel like they should and its a bunch of crap so why bother. I made a complete fool of myself on Friday. Love sucks. Thats all. Night.

hey well today was swell.went to brians and then work made 50 bucks in tips. my mom and jay came up and then brian and his family came up. it was neat!!! i love brian. something has been so different with him and i love it, he seems more lovestruck lately and i like it. i hope it stays this way. i wont see him at all tomrorow though which sucks but its okay. i love him just as much megan

wow what a day.. ok first off of the day.my dad just upset me. he told me many things i didnt want to hear but the worst was that he was disappointed in me. not a good feeling. but then i went to church and that was good. brian was there and he kept asking what was wrong but i blew him off because i was upset and in the middle of church and i didnt want to talk about it. But Jason did the most beautiful sermon today. All about love and how love conquers over everything. and how love can overwhelm your enemies and just so amazing..then i went to brians where we layed in his bed and giggled and had a good time. Then we ate some food. Then i had to leave my sweetie and go to my cousins. man whe i am with brian everything seems just to go well. and how he loves to have his arms around me or always having to be touching me as in holding my hand or even a finger. its such a good feeling. well iwent to my cousins and slept and then came home did my scrapbook cuz i was bored. Brian was at work. but he came home and we just had the most wonderful conversation. We talked about our love. and how his is growing super fast :) and we talked about how good this relationship is and we talked more about our past and what we used to be like and we talked about God and we talked about many things and i think tonight he proved to me that he truly does want to be with me. i dont know how he did but he did and im trendmosnsly happy with that. i still have the fear of losing him but after tonight it went down a lot. i just wish he knew how much he means to me. its hard to explain but he does mean a lot to me. he is the only one who knows how to mnake me feel beautiful. he comforts me. he knows how to react when i get upset and he just knows me as a person and i love it and how he loves me as a person is the greatest feeling..AHHH well im off now later I LOVE BRIAN SO MUCH!

Hey! it is 203 in the morning. I am sleepy but have so much on my mind. I feel bad today. I didnt do anything but clean and tehn around 7 i went to brians because his sister took us to see charlie and the chocolate factory. IT was a good movie by the way. but i snapped at brian so mnay times today. i was just overly stressed for some reason today. i feel so bad. i mean he says everythign is okay but its not with me. not at all.ive lost him twice before and the fear of losing him grows every day. it shouldnt be like that at all.. at least i thin ktaht. I love him. I really do but im so scared. I cant losehim again. HE is my world. The thought of not having him sucks, I mean he doesnt know how much he means to me and how special he is to me. all my friends dont think i should be with him but i dont care what they think ..he makes me happy and if my friends dont see that and arent happy that im happy then oh well. sorry but im happy with brian. sure i wish some little details were different about our relaitonship but what me and him have is amazing and great and i love him so much and i hate when im mean to him. he should stay away from me when im crabby. grr anyhoo. i have church in the morning and im so excited because the sermon is about love and its about my favorite passage in the bible. i love it. 1 corinthians 13:4-8 4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8Love never fails I LOVE IT! its so true. so yeah im excited. right now im so comfy. im wearing my orange pants and boxers and warm socks and a long sleeve shirt and a jacket..im cold..but comfy.. well im off now later

hey today was eh. I went out with my dad. I was supose to hang with some people and i couldnt and i was sad. but me and branden are hanging out tomorrow till 5 then im seein willy wonka. woo hoo fun. i might get my hair cut tomorrow..that is if branden wants to take me and take pictures of our wonderful day ha. seems like branden had a hard day..poor guy. i have this buump on my thigh and my back and i dont know what they are. im guessing bites but one i have had for like 3 months. the other one i got 2 days ago. My dads computer is up now woo hoo. and im just here. on it. i was sorting threw pics tonightand oh my i found someold ones. Ones of me and my blonde hair and acne glore. wow its bad. im drinking dr pepper at the moment. woo hoo. i also got some songs i wnted on a cd. im excited. woo hoo. I started work the other night. Last night ot be exact. i want to dance..but anyhoo i made 15 bucks in tips thats awesome. it wasnt to bad. well im goona go chat much love.

woo hoo brian comes home in like 12 hours..word. Today i didnt get any sleep and i started work..made 15 bucks in tips. not to bad for a waitress on her first day..COME VISIT ME at bertonloni's .....good pizza.. um thats all. i feel bad though cuz i was suppose to hang with my buddy branden but something came up and my dad is being mean and he is making me go somewhere...im sorry branden!

wow..its early..3 27 in the morning..i dont sleep to much. i have bad nightmares and wake up crying or screaming or shaking and i just dont like it so i just dont sleep. i did another 2 sets of 50 crunches..i am down to 108lbs...few more pounds to go and i will be at my ideal weight. woo hoo. i cant wait till i get there. the lowest ive gotten was 104 and i miss it. Its not to terribly skinny. im happy with it. now i just need to get my hair cut and dye it and ill be happy...hopefully. i talked to brian tonight for awhile..I found out he isnt coming home till friday..so that stinks..but at least i dont work then so i can see him..right now im stlpunk chatting and looking at peoples pages. people piss me off on there cuz they think its a stupid dating service..grr. its about punk music. not about "hey your single" no stupid heads..anyhoo..My friend got me thinking about my grandpa..he died a year ago. June 9th was the one year mark..I miss him a lot. He was the greatest person and the night he got put intot hte hosptial i left him...i went to flordia with my mom. my dad told me hed be out of the hospital the next day but i still shouldve stayed home. geez i cant believ ei left him there to die..without saying good bye or saying i love you...im horrible. well..im gonna go do some stuff.. much love.

Yeah my dad has been pretty shot. I woke up..watched Taking Lives (good movie). Now im online all my friends quit talking to me so i just put an away message up. Brian is in wisconsin. Im missing him :( He comes home tomrorow though so thats cool. When he is not around I am just sad. I mean many of my friends dont hang out with me outside of school. I have church tonight. Im excited aboutthat. I need to get ready soon but im looking up new hairstyles. Its time for a change. I need to go out and get hair dye soon. I miss my purple and black hair. DONT FREAK out its pretty not stupid. I cleaned my room all last night till like four in the morning. Another sleepless night added on. Woo hoo. I had popcorn today. Wow my life is boring. Well last sunday i spent a wonderful day with brian. It was the first time i saw him in a week because i was out of town and then i saw him and now he is out of town. Me and him have been having some rough times but we got it together. He changed. But he is back to his old self. But i am scared he will break up with me again but he has been acting different ever since we got back together. HE has been buying me things and telling he how he feels every second and when i leave his house he sits on my car so i dont leave and he will make me roll down the window and he will give me one more kiss goodbye. I love him. So im praying that things will stay this way and they have been for the past couple weeks. Well im going to go take a shower. Much Love. Peace!