... and little time to do it. really had it out with mike last night (via texts). sometimes i wish i had never chosen him over the ex because 1) still have feelings for said ex and 2) i'm not entirely certain mike and i are suitable for each other. i know people say "opposites attract" but in this case not sure that's true. he disapproves of some of the behaviours i have (not just with me but in general). our tastes in music and sports and movies are so different. but at least we are both laid back people. lose-lose for me i suppose. in other news, still no job yet. almost a dozen applications turned in since 2011 began (and at least two dozen more since summer of last year) and still hearing nothing back. i'm beyond desparate and have bills to pay and <eventually> a wedding to plan and pay for... plus all the other expenses that come after that. i just need ONE good thing to happen to me SOON or else i'm going to seriously lose it!

I have been in such a crap mood since this year began... actually, no I take that back. I have been in a crap mood since around the time Michael gave me a ring. (I would say put a ring on my finger or purposed or whatever... but it was more along the line of handing me a ring in front of his mother and not even asking the actual question until several hours later while watching television - no down on one knee; no cute or romantic gesture - NOTHING!) Anyways... still fighting bulimia - yesterday was HORRIBLE. Still having panic attacks on an hourly basis. And still hate everything about myself. I want my anorexic ways back DO FUCKING BAD!