Hey Ya'll what's up. Long Time no post! Sorry things have been a bit on the crazy side. As you know I am not living with my mom but I have moved like 5 times in 2 months. Not much time for the computer. SORRY! Anywho. Ummm... Well I have been seeing a therapist but I think I am going to stop. It doesn't seem to be helping b.c she just sits there for like 30 mins and then asks the same damn things over and over. EX: Tell me what you like about your boyfriend, or I forget but do you have any siblings or where do you're siblings live? It is sooooo irritating. It is like she doesn't even want to do anything to help me b.c it is the same thing over and over and over and it is getting really old very quickly! Anyways. The anti depressants aren't doing anything either. I have to go see the P~doc tomorrow. I will prolly stop taking them. I dunno yet. Haven't really been eating lately.(2 weeks approx.) SO now I am down another 7 pounds. Yay! Go me. Go me. Okay I'm done now. Well there you go, I posted. Love Ya'll lots. Kayla

You're like me! The intelligent loner. You're shy at times but friendly, and you are never weak and always independent. You are incredibly intelligent (wise beyond your years) and have a talent for many things (sports, music, art). You have a kind and warm personality and enjoy the simple things. Like hanging out with friends and watching movies at home. But you're sometimes quiet nature makes you a bit of an outcast and a mystery to people. No matter how pretty you are or smart or athletic, you just can't seem to break into the crowd and be noticed. Don't worry, try to be more outgoing and speak out when you have more to say. Don't hide behind your books and sports and computer, get out there and get noticed. You also have deep desires in life and feel vunerable and alone at times. Don't feel sad either, What helps me to express feelings and dreams that I can't say to people, is through my writting. Maybe you should try.

To that one person who has been there for me through all the shit. To that one person who truly loves me. To that one person who means the world to me. You know who you are and I am so sorry. I know it doesn't mean anything but am not going to be that person. I refuse to become the person I hate. Thank you for showing me what I needed to see. Even if it stung a little. I will show you that I can be the woman you want, the woman you need. You were right, I do need to grow up. I can't play all the childish games I used to play. Again you know who you are. I love you. Kayla

Hey Ya'll What's up? Sorry I haven't updated I have been out of town Since Friday. I drug my boyfriend to Pennsylvania for the weekend for his birthday and so we could visit with my family and friends. Well We left Rockingham at around noon and drove up. Dean was getting aggrivated b.c my mom drives like a nut, weaving through traffic and speeding which made it really hard for us to keep up. Well we finally got to the hotel my friend laura put us up in at about midnight. we slept woke up the next morning showered and did all that good stuff and just chilled for a little bit. My mom got pissed b.c she thought we were meeting her at her hotel well we ended up figuring it out after getting lost looking for her fucking hotel(Basically got on the wrong way on the highway and ended up in New Jersey.) Finally got to where she was and she did nothing but bitch the whole time. Well my dad dropped my brothers and sister off and we went up to scranton to visit with my aunt. I was crying b.c everyone was pissed off at me and Dean was pissed at her for getting everyone pissed at me. Lovely huh? Well Got to scranton and met up with my aunt Donna we went to my nana's house(Who I haven't seen in years thanks to my mom) and I went and said hello and all that good stuff. We went to my aunts house and everything started to mellow out and started to turn out really good. I was glad for that small measure of sanity. Dean and I had to leave early because i still had visiting to do so we got directions and took off. We got into town and called Laura to come find us and have us follow her. We got back to her house and chilled for a little while, ate dinner(her family knows about my ED so they watched every move) and went downstairs to play video games and watch Zombie movies. We actually only watched 28 days later that night.... Well anyways we had the intention to leave sunday morning after breakfast but we decided not to b.c it was Deans birthday and he didn't feel like driving. So we stayed another day. We basically did the same thing sunday. Play video games, catch up, laugh at each other and watch Zombie movied(Resident evil and Resident Evil Apocolypse) And then the phantom of the opera b.c it is my favorite movie. We Left monday morning at about 10.30ish and drove to North Carolina. We had a few speed bumps along the way but nothing tooo major. All in all it was a really great trip. We got back to Dean's house at around 2 in the morning so we crashed. I woke up this morning and he had made me lunch for my birthday. He made lasagna and salad and had some cake, it was really really sweet. We left his house to take me home and I found out that Gary(my step-dad) had baked me a birthday cake and he got me a necklace, i was taked aback because it was just sooo sweet! My mom forgot. My brother and sister called from pennsylvania to sing happy birthday to me and then just as soon as i hung up with them a good friend of mine called to do the same thing. This has been the best birthday i have had in such a long time! I hope all of you have had a good weekend and thank you if you left(Plan to leave, hint hint) happy birthday comments. ~Kayla~

Hey ya'll what's up? Not a whole hellofalot here. You know the deal. Talked to Dean a little while ago, he seemed really bored. Well today was my mom's birthday...So we went to eat at the local sub/deli shop. They have good food. I caved and got a meatball parm. So yea had a small moment of weakness. I am doing relatively well though. Haven't drank a soda all day, well not one that wasn't diet...can't quit cold turkey. Ah well. Umm I am going to pennsylvania On March 3rd. I am going to visit my bestestestest friend in the whole world. I haven't seen her for a while but we talk at least 2 times a week. I want her to meet Dean because Both Laura(My Best friend) and Dean are really really important to me and it means the world to me that they get along. i can hardly wait until the 3rd! I have....drumroll....17 days until I turn 18. Sooooo what are ya'll getting me. LoL nah I am just picking. I do want lotsa Happy Birthday comments though. pretty please with sugar on top? Okay ya'll I try not to make these entries tooo long cuz then they get boring soooo I am gonna get going, try to sleep. cross your fingers for me. LOL Lotsa Love ~Kayla~

I AM IN LOVE WITH MY BOYFRIEND! Hey Ya'll I am soooooo happy! Distpite the best efforts of the people around me We are still together. And we are going to stay together because the bond that we have is strong and it cannot be broken by anyone other than the two of us which I don't see happening. I love him more than anything else in this world. He has managed to do something that no one else has ever been able to do before. He showed me that it is okay to be happy. He let me see that I can be happy and not feel guilty about it. I know this sounds silly but I cry whenever he leaves and I can't help it! I just can't stand to be away from him. I feel so jealous whenever he has to go see his ex For seperation agreements or to pick up something from her house, I don't want to be Jealous because I usually am not a jealous person. But I will be damned if I am going to let her take him away from me again. My boyfriend has decided that he wants to go back to the Army. It's cool because I want to go to, So if we go using the "Buddy system" I think that is what it's called, but if we go in with that then we will be together virtually the whole time. So I think it will be alot easier for the both of us if we are together. Well My mom has been getting on me a lot. I think it is because she knows she is losing the control she has on me. I am just ready to get on with my own life. I feel like i am still in a cocoon waiting to emerge as a beautiful butterfly. I have 19 days until I turn 18. Okay Ya'll I am going to go back to paying attention To the TV I know I will! Kayla

Hey Peoples what's up? Not much here just the usual. I gots school in the morning grrr. not too fun. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow so cross your fingers and hope there isn't anything to horribly wrong with me. Ummm I think I am going to start running monday evening. Who knows. It depends on how I am feeling. Well I am going to get going. I hope you all have had a great weekend! Kayla

Hey ya'll what's up not much here just chillen with Dean. I love him sooo much. Ya'll just have no Idea. Okay well I am gonna go to sleep now. Talk to ya later

About you 1. Age: 17 (almost 18) 2. Name: Kayla 3. Nick name: Kitty 4. Grade: 2nd semester college 5. Gender: female Physical Appearance 6. Hair color: Black 7. Natural hair color: Brown 8. Eye color: hazel 9. Height: 5 feet 7 inches 10. Weight: don't ask don't tell 11. Shoe size: a 10 depending on the shoe 12. Skin: usually clear skin,sometimes some acne with a some freckles. 13. Prep, Goth, Punk ect: Umm I am between punk and goth. Definately not prep. This or that. 14. Life or Death: Death 15. Summer or Winter: Summer 16. Give or Receive: Give 17. Hot or Cold: hot 18. Chocolate or Vanilla: Vanilla 19. Coke or Pepsi: DIET COKE lol 20. Black and white or Colorful: Black 21. 5 years of great sex or A friend for a lifetime: A friend for a lifetime 22. Mornings or Nights: Nights 23. Belly or Stomach: Stomach 24. Rain or Sun: sun Favorite. 25. Song: Umm...Too many to think of 26. Movie: Umm. Gia or Saving Private Ryan or the Green Mile 27. Band: Currently-Disturbed or Crossfade or Coldplay 28. Color: Black 29. Food: Chicken 30. Day of the week: Any day I get to spend with my baby, Dean. 31. Name: Arianna 32. Show: House 33. Saying: Fuck with me and I will fuck you over 10 time over 34. Time in your life: uhhh I haven't gotten there yet Are you 35. Mostly Happy or Sad: Mostly sad 36. Fun: I try to be 37. Mean: I can be 38. Playful: Yep 39. Shy: Umm in certain situations 40. Out going:usually 41. Virgin: No,not since... 42. Only Child: no, 1 sis & 2 bros and a sister 43. Straight, gay, bi: Depends on my mood at the moment. I tend to flirt with girls especially if I am drunk. 44. Happy with yourself: Usually not Do you. 45. Smoke: Ciggies ya 46. Drink: yes 47. Hang out with friends: Yep-bonified party animal 48. Have low self-esteem: most days 49. Want to have Children: I want2,would prefer a boy and a girl 50. Brush your teeth every night: yes I try to Would you 51. Take your anger out on someone: I have before, but am working on it 52. Do something stupid to look cool: done that before too, and probably would do it again 53. Ever hurt a animal: no, i love animals 54. Eat something disgusting for money: depends how much i needed the $$$$ 55. Kiss the same sex: yes, (have heaps of times) 56. Kill someone on self defense: if i had to What would you say 57. If someone cut in front of you in a huge line: Depends on my mood (a) Mubble "you bitch" under my breathe but would probably not say it loud enough for them to hear me. or (b) tell them off, loudly, embarrass them, etc 58. If your being sent to military camp: Enjoy the booty camp training & enjoy getting fit, would miss Dean oodles, though, 59. If someone offered to "give you a ride": No way! I watch too many movies and I am paranoid! 60. When your Gf/Bf says their bi: if Dean Told me, i would be Cool with it, if that is truly how he felt i would support him:)

Is it wrong to want to spend every minute with the person you are in love with? Is it wrong to feel like you are in love after only one month? Is it wrong to want with that person what you have wanted your entire life? Marriage, Kids, the whole house nestled in the woods with the dogs and cats chasing each other in the front yard. I feel so strange, as though everything is falling into place-- The Job, the guy, the family stuff(My family issues) school-just everything seems perfect. So what is the only downfall? He is still married... Yea I know that I should know better but it is just I care about him sooooooo damn much, He is trying to get a divorce and I am trying to stay out of it and so far I have done well. Ahh why can't I stop thinking about him!? Why can't I sleep unless I am with him? This is insane. I know it sounds silly but I think of him all the time. He steals all of my thoughts and the best part is I DON"T CARE! I like it. I am actually happy. The only thing that I am afraid of is that he well leave me again, I know I shouldn't be insecure- she did mess up and I am totally happy I just can't help but think... He broke my heart and went back to her once.. what is gonna stop him from doing it again. I think to myself, he was with her for 3 years and he married her...would it be possible for her to convince him that she has changed... and if she could- would he take her back? Why am I so afraid? Well I am gonna go watch TV. Take care cyber people. Kayla Kayla

REMEMBER, THIS IS MY DIARY, I DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING I WRITE, OR ANSWER TO ANYONE. I HAVE BEEN ANOREXIC AND BULIMIC FOR GOING ON THREE YEARS. I HAVE BEEN A SELF MUTILATOR FOR ALMOST 5. I AM CURRENTLY IN "RECOVERY" I HAVE A VERY FRAGILE IMAGE OF MYSELF SO PLEASE BE GENTLE WHEN LEAVING COMMENTS. IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN WHERE I AM, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN AND THE SUFFERING AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO TRY TO CHANGE. DO NOT ASK ME HOW TO BECOME ANA OR MIA. IT ISN'T FUNNY AND IT ISN'T GLAMOROUS. IT ISN'T JUST A QUICK WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT EITHER. IT IS A DISEASE AND IT WILL SLOWLY DESTROY YOUR LIFE. I DON'T WISH THIS ON ANYONE! I HAVE PUT A DISCLAIMER ON HERE, DO NOT REPEAT ANYTHING YOU READ HERE. DO NOT SEND ME HATE MAIL. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU READ HERE, THEN LEAVE. THIS ISN'T A PRO ED DIARY. BUT I DO HAVE AN ED. SO DON'T BASH ME, I AM TRYING. IT IS YOUR CHOICE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE, DO NOT BLAME ME OR MY DIARY FOR ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO. Okay. How are ya'll doing? Me eh I have been better and I have been worse. Dean spent the weekend at my house. It was cool because mom and Gary stayed gone most of the time so it was just me and him.... Last night mom and Gary went to Raliegh(Spelled wrong prolly) and they got back after we went to bed. Well anyways when I woke up this morning there was a bag sitting beside the bed with body lotion(Sweet pea and Black Rasberry vanilla) Mambo(my favorite perfume) And a couple of pairs of socks- the softest things i have ever felt. I dunno why she did it but it was definately a nice surprise. Well Tonight we(Me Dean Mom And Gary) Went for chinese, It was good(unlike Friday night when Jade and I went...) then we went shopping. I got some new underwear-very cute.... and a pair of jeans and a pair of boots. I think i made out pretty well. We drove Dean back to Cheraw and yea now I am home. I have a paper due tomorrow, well the rough draft... it should be good. Cross your fingers. Well I suppose I should talk about what you all really stopped by to read about...How did it go on Tuesday huh.... I am not going back. I was talking to her and it was all good and I specifically asked her not to say anything about what we talked about to my mom(She goes to school with me too) and the first thing I hear out of my mom's mouth when I got home was, why are you telling people you cut yourself.... So yea um I am not going back. I swear that this is why I keep my mouth shut. I mean people don't know how to shut the fuck up so yea, I will just deal with this on my own. Ugh, I give mad props to anyone who seeks help and stays with it because it is such a bitch. I am gonna get going, I have to call Dean. Kayla

REMEMBER, THIS IS MY DIARY, I DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING I WRITE, OR ANSWER TO ANYONE. I HAVE BEEN ANOREXIC AND BULIMIC FOR GOING ON THREE YEARS. I HAVE BEEN A SELF MUTILATOR FOR ALMOST 5. I AM CURRENTLY IN "RECOVERY" I HAVE A VERY FRAGILE IMAGE OF MYSELF SO PLEASE BE GENTLE WHEN LEAVING COMMENTS. IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN WHERE I AM, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN AND THE SUFFERING AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO TRY TO CHANGE. DO NOT ASK ME HOW TO BECOME ANA OR MIA. IT ISN'T FUNNY AND IT ISN'T GLAMOROUS. IT ISN'T JUST A QUICK WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT EITHER. IT IS A DISEASE AND IT WILL SLOWLY DESTROY YOUR LIFE. I DON'T WISH THIS ON ANYONE! I HAVE PUT A DISCLAIMER ON HERE, DO NOT REPEAT ANYTHING YOU READ HERE. DO NOT SEND ME HATE MAIL. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU READ HERE, THEN LEAVE. THIS ISN'T A PRO ED DIARY. BUT I DO HAVE AN ED. SO DON'T BASH ME, I AM TRYING. IT IS YOUR CHOICE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE, DO NOT BLAME ME OR MY DIARY FOR ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO. Hey Ya'll what's up? Not much here well that's a lie i am frustrated as hell and I really really want to cut. I am in my math class and frustrated as hell because i dont' know what I am doing and I asked the teacher to slow down and he's all like no. I am realizing that I am wanting to cut for the smallest things which means that this is getting out of my control, I thought that I controled it but aparently it is really in control of me... The realization of that scares me to death. I have that appointment in a half hour and I am very scared. I am nervous as hell and my stomach is in knots, Well writing this has helped a little bit so I guess I will get back t0 class. Kayla

REMEMBER, THIS IS MY DIARY, I DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING I WRITE, OR ANSWER TO ANYONE. I HAVE BEEN ANOREXIC AND BULIMIC FOR GOING ON THREE YEARS. I HAVE BEEN A SELF MUTILATOR FOR ALMOST 5. I AM CURRENTLY IN "RECOVERY" I HAVE A VERY FRAGILE IMAGE OF MYSELF SO PLEASE BE GENTLE WHEN LEAVING COMMENTS. IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN WHERE I AM, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN AND THE SUFFERING AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO TRY TO CHANGE. DO NOT ASK ME HOW TO BECOME ANA OR MIA. IT ISN'T FUNNY AND IT ISN'T GLAMOROUS. IT ISN'T JUST A QUICK WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT EITHER. IT IS A DISEASE AND IT WILL SLOWLY DESTROY YOUR LIFE. I DON'T WISH THIS ON ANYONE! I HAVE PUT A DISCLAIMER ON HERE, DO NOT REPEAT ANYTHING YOU READ HERE. DO NOT SEND ME HATE MAIL. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU READ HERE, THEN LEAVE. THIS ISN'T A PRO ED DIARY. BUT I DO HAVE AN ED. SO DON'T BASH ME, I AM TRYING. IT IS YOUR CHOICE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE, DO NOT BLAME ME OR MY DIARY FOR ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO. Hey Ya'll what's up? Not much here. I decided to go and see the school councelor about SI. I have an appointment tomorrow at 12:30. I am scared to death about it though. it is like I am standing on the very edge of this cliff(SI is the cliff) and as soon as I go to that meeting I am going to jump off(or be pushed off) I don't exactly what to expect. I don't know whether I am going to spread wings and soar, or if i am going to crash and burn. All I know is that nothing is going to be the same for me after tomorrow afternoon. I am scared and anxious. But there is something else there as well... Hope. I hope that this is the right thing to do. I hope that this is the beginning of the end-that I can finally put this behind me and allow the change that I so desperately need. I just hope that this time is the right time, that this is the time that will be different, that this will allow me to be free. Kayla

REMEMBER, THIS IS MY DIARY, I DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING I WRITE, OR ANSWER TO ANYONE. I HAVE BEEN ANOREXIC AND BULIMIC FOR GOING ON THREE YEARS. I HAVE BEEN A SELF MUTILATOR FOR ALMOST 5. I AM CURRENTLY IN "RECOVERY" I HAVE A VERY FRAGILE IMAGE OF MYSELF SO PLEASE BE GENTLE WHEN LEAVING COMMENTS. IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN WHERE I AM, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN AND THE SUFFERING AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO TRY TO CHANGE. DO NOT ASK ME HOW TO BECOME ANA OR MIA. IT ISN'T FUNNY AND IT ISN'T GLAMOROUS. IT ISN'T JUST A QUICK WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT EITHER. IT IS A DISEASE AND IT WILL SLOWLY DESTROY YOUR LIFE. I DON'T WISH THIS ON ANYONE! I HAVE PUT A DISCLAIMER ON HERE, DO NOT REPEAT ANYTHING YOU READ HERE. DO NOT SEND ME HATE MAIL. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU READ HERE, THEN LEAVE. THIS ISN'T A PRO ED DIARY. BUT I DO HAVE AN ED. SO DON'T BASH ME, I AM TRYING. IT IS YOUR CHOICE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE, DO NOT BLAME ME OR MY DIARY FOR ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO. Hey beautiful Peoples(and all you other random people who happen to stumble across my diary) What's up? Not much here-Just broke a fucking nail) I hate that shit! Anyways. How is everyone? I am fanfuckingtastic. Dean has been in a series of moods today. Oh well. I am about ready to head home-I'm at his house now- i am kinda bitter/sweet about it. Bitter b.c I hate going home and sweet b.c Dean is staying the night with me and I don't have to worry about him being in a bad mood b.c of his mom. I met his grandparents today.....interesting. They are nice enough people, I can't help but think that I did something wrong... I dunno. I just ah fuck it, it doesn't even matter. So, NO school monday. Hip hip friggin hurray. Uhhhhh. Oh well I am listening to a goth radio station...It kicks ass! Haven't talked to alot of people lately. I pretty much just want to stay to myself.... Well seeing as how I am leaving I'll talk to you later. kayla

Hey ya'll what's up? how are ya I am sitting in my math class typing because i have no clue what the hell I am doing. Apparently the teacher doesn't know either. I am really frustrated becausse I can't figure the stupid shit out this is some bullshit. On the downside... I am still alive. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh I think my brain is about to melt.

FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD FUCK THE WORLD

REMEMBER, THIS IS MY DIARY, I DO NOT HAVE TO EXPLAIN ANYTHING I WRITE, OR ANSWER TO ANYONE. I HAVE BEEN ANOREXIC AND BULIMIC FOR GOING ON THREE YEARS. I HAVE BEEN A SELF MUTILATOR FOR ALMOST 5. I AM CURRENTLY IN "RECOVERY" I HAVE A VERY FRAGILE IMAGE OF MYSELF SO PLEASE BE GENTLE WHEN LEAVING COMMENTS. IF YOU HAVE NEVER BEEN WHERE I AM, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW THE PAIN AND THE SUFFERING AND YOU WILL NEVER KNOW HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO TRY TO CHANGE. DO NOT ASK ME HOW TO BECOME ANA OR MIA. IT ISN'T FUNNY AND IT ISN'T GLAMOROUS. IT ISN'T JUST A QUICK WAY TO LOSE WEIGHT EITHER. IT IS A DISEASE AND IT WILL SLOWLY DESTROY YOUR LIFE. I DON'T WISH THIS ON ANYONE! I HAVE PUT A DISCLAIMER ON HERE, DO NOT REPEAT ANYTHING YOU READ HERE. DO NOT SEND ME HATE MAIL. IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT YOU READ HERE, THEN LEAVE. THIS ISN'T A PRO ED DIARY. BUT I DO HAVE AN ED. SO DON'T BASH ME, I AM TRYING. IT IS YOUR CHOICE WHAT YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE, DO NOT BLAME ME OR MY DIARY FOR ANYTHING YOU CHOOSE TO DO. Hey ya'll. What's up? Not much here. Just being the way I always am... depressed as hell. I actually scared myself last night, I actually tried to kill myself. I was going to cut my wrist, but the blade was too dull so I took my belt put it around my neck and closed the door on the other end and started to hang myself. yea, lovely isn't it. Well, the only thing that stopped me is Chris and james came by and interrupted. Yay!*sarcasm* Oh well, I guess I will just have to try harder next time.... Kayla

Hey Ya'll what's up? I hope that everyone had a good new year. Well, Last night I broke up with James. I felt horrible about it, then I go to Wal-mart and find out that he was cheating on me! I dunno if I should be angry of upset or very vindictive. I think vindictive would work very nicely. Well I guess iT is all good, I have Dean to keep me company. Kayla

Hey beautiful peoples and all you random ppls who read my diary! Whats up? Not much is going on here, just chillen. Dunno what's been going on lately, James has been being a real ass, it is like he doesn't want me around since I told him I wasn't smoking anymore, I dunno exactly what to make of that. Maybe I was just using him? Maybe he was using me... I dunno. I am at Dean's house(an old bf.) Spent New year's with him b.c James said he didn't want me at his house with him so fuck him.... Karen and Gary are well, those two will never changes. Ma has another assault charge against her and damn it i still have to make it over to the magistrates office to take out those theft papers..*procrastinates* I mean ya, It is a $400 coat, but why am I so worried about it? I mean I don't really like it so am i just trying to be vindictive or am I just i dunno, there i go overanalyzing again, well I love all of you darlings but I am going to go to sleep, I am utterly exhausted! Kayla PS......HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!!!!!!