today was a bad day emotionally. I'm not sure If I will be okay this summer. I don't think I'll be okay anywhere. I dream of this summer, but i need to be more realistic. Nothing is ever as good as it seems. I guess im not very good at preparing for the worst. I am too positive in life and I think that is my downfall. that is where I will screw everything up. False hopes, false promises. I believe them every time. I just wonder when i will stop. Some say that optimism is what keeps people going in life, having hope. In some cases I believe that can be true. but not mine. nothing good seems to come of it. just more let downs. I'm tired of people telling me that I have the power to make my life better when the truth is, I am not very powerful, I am only one person, and I certainly do not have the authority and power to change all that is around me.