okay, So I deffiently just wrote a journal about every word of how im feeling and the description of why...without many details...but apparently it didnt save and I am taking that as a sign that I shouldn't talk/write about it at all... So therefore, I ask...please everyone who feels led, please pray for me...Oh, I need the prayers so much...please pray that God will speak clearly and that His will, will be done. It means so much to me..you have no idea... All I can say is this: I am ready... Thanks everyone :0)

Um, hello.....haven't written in a long time...maybe its cuz I actually have been able to talk to a real person about whats going on in life, so I haven't felt the need to write here... So, about 2 days ago I was having a really horrible day, the guy I had a crush on was just dumb and apparently has no clue when it comes to girls, so i was upset over that, and then I was upset, but I didnt know why the next day....Then yesterday was probably one of the most amazing days I had, because my roomate had a breakthrough and told me everything that had been going on and she appologized...we got along so good, better than we have in months... I just love her so absolutely much that it killed me not talking to her, or getting hugs back from her and not feeling like she loved me.....It hurt me even more that I knew she was upset that I have become so close with my brother (her fiance)....That is probably my biggest fear, is that she would be mad that my brother and I are close, and she would ask him to stop, and that he would back off and we wouldn't be close anymore.... Oh my word, that breaks my heart so so bad. Just the thought of losing him as my friend and brother and the person I can trust with anything breaks my heart....He is my world and I'm not sure I would make it...I don't really want to talk about it... I wouldn't want to lose her either...we have been best friends for years and she has been my rock for all 5 of them....she means the absolute world to me...I'd be lost without her So today was okay...I got up late and was a bit late for class...I was out the door and I heard a voice saying, "eh, you mine as well just skip and do other stuff, luke and becca wont know"..so I walked back in, and as soon as I did, Luke imed me and i(stupidly) answered back...then he called me..BUSTED...then we got in a bit of joking around argument, but then he threw my financial support in my face and how im waisting it, and I flipped my lid...I realize now that it was totally satan grabbing a foothold of where I am weak...oh that hurt so bad though coming from him...I've had things, sensitive areas thrown in my face for all my life, and I never expected it from him...I needed to hear it though, because what he threw in my face I have been trying to deny for a long time...so in the end it was fine....I didnt want him to be upset all day though, so i just told him i would be fine after awhile...but still he has been upset and weird all day... It breaks my heart when he is like that...I just want to cry so bad...plus i am so flippin exausted, I could go to bed now and sleep until thursday...lol...that would be fun.. BUT...I have the Christmas formal tomorrow!! I love dressing up! it will be so fun :0) ...plus I have to go watch elf now!! Yay!!! Don't worry, I'm fine and not angry anymore..i think im just cranky from being tired...I love you guys.. ~Aubs~

So, today was okay...I went to all of my classes, which took a lot out of me..lol..but It went well. I was able to take an hour nap, so that was good. Today, I fasted all day...in specifics for the election! I'm totally putting it in God's hands, just praying that His will be done and that He will work through whoever is in office....Granted, I think that would be best with Bush, but God is God and I'm not. So, its been neat to rely on God fully all day. If you know me, you know its really hard for me to give up food! So this was a huge test for myself to fully trust in and rely on God! I think it has brought me closer to Him. I'm excited.... I'm hoping that my relationship with God gets stronger, I know that I need to be closer to Him. I don't know what's been wrong with me lately...I guess its like, nothing bad or spectacular is going on...I'm just existing..and thats hard...but I've been growing in my walk, and I don't know why I'm feeling this way..I really don't know what is wrong, I could think for a while and honestly not give you an answer...It's really weird....There were things bothering me before A LOT, but I talked them out with my brother and he reasurred me that everything would be fine and he promised me things, so I'm fine with that now...but I just don't know EXACTLY what is up? It's weird... I do know that for awhile now I have been struggiling with the desires of my heart, and I believe God knows them and will in His timing grant them to me...but I don't know...I guess now its just I REALLY realized that, AS MUCH AS I ABSOLUTELY LOVE MY BROTHER MORE THAN ANYTHING...I need more than just a brother in my life...God knows too... It's hard being patient..... So if you could..please pray for me....Thanks! P.S ...RED SOX ROCK MY FACE OFF..GO PATS...GO BUSH!!

Name:Aubrey Morgan Birth date: December 21st 1985 Nationality: American What time is it? What is the date? 4:25 pm, October 19, 2004 Are you sensitive: usually >------------WHO DID THESE THINGS LAST?------ Called you: Luke Saw you cry: Luke Made you cry: Myself You went to the mall with: Beka, Tori & Kim Yelled at you: Mom Perkins Sent you an email: Mom Taken a picture of yourself with a milk moustache and sent it to the milk company? um....never done that Said "I love u" and meant it: Luke >-----------HAVE U EVA----------> Gotten into a fight with your Dog/Cat etc?: yeah Been to New York?: not NYC Been to Florida?: Miami Airport..lol California?: Nope Hawaii?: no, want to Mexico?: no, want to Canada?: nope Had a dream about something really crazy,then it happens the next day: probably Had a mud bath?: nope Wished you were the opposite sex? only if I'm on my period What time is it now? 4:28 >-----------Which would you prefer---------- apples or bananas?: bananas Blue or red: RED Backstreet Boys or Nsync: both Wal-Mart or Target? Walmart Spring or Fall? fall: Fall Santa or Rudolph?: santa's cool What r u gonna do after this?: go to dinner What was the last meal you ate?:Lunch..chicken sandwich, fries and nachos High school or college: College..HANDS DOWN Are you bored?: obviously How many of your buddies are online?: 9 Last movie you saw?: Aladdin Last noise you heard?: A door close Last smell you smelled?: my hair >------------ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS-------------- Laughs the weirdest?: Beka or Kim Going to have the most kids: Becca Who have you known the longest: Felecia Loudest?: Kim Is the quietest: Andrea Who is the funniest?:All of Them Who is the moodiest?: Me biggest player?: none Who do you usually go to with all your problems?: Luke Things you like in a Guy/(Girl)?: Christian, Funny, handsome, similar interests Do you have a crush on someone?: sort of Do they know?: no Do you have a bf/gf?: no :( >------------------EXTRAS-------------------- Do Dreams tell the future?: I guess they could Has a dream ever told your future?: IDK What book are you reading now?: Hosea&Amos, text books, World missions today... Nicknames: Aubs, Aubaloba, Sister, Aubie Hair Color: reddish brown Height: 5'9" Pets: dogs(Coal,Scotia) Turtle(tortellini) Siblings: 5 (Shanoah,Seth,Jake,Orion&Ian) Been so drunk you didn't remember that you were drunk: Never drank Taken any illegal substances: Nope Gone out in public in your pajamas?: yup Missed school b/c it was raining: nope Set any body part on fire for amusement: uh, no Kept a secret from everyone: yup Wanted to hook up with a friend?: yup Cried during a movie?: yup Had a crush on a teacher: no Ever thought an animated character was cute?: Can't say I have Ever at anytime owned new kids on the block stuff?: Of course Planned your week based on the TV Guide!!: nope Prank called someone: all the time :) >------------------FAVORITES----------------- Shampoo: Garnier Fructise Soap: whatever Day or night: night Summer/Winter: summer Lace or satin: both Cartoon Character: Eeyore >-------------IN THE LAST 2 WEEKS ----------- Cried: yup Cut your hair: nope Worn a skirt: yup Been mean?: yup Been sarcastic: yup Talked to someone you have a crush on: yup Wished on a star: no Laughed until you cried: yup Played truth or dare: no Watched a sunrise/sunset: no spent time alone: story of my life >--------RANDOM THINGS---------- What's the biggest age difference that's ever been between you and your b/f g/f?: a month If you could go on a date with anybody famous [age doesn't matter] who would it be and why?: uh, no one in particular Are you lonely?: ya Are you happy: right now? ya, but frustrated Are you talking to someone online: nope Do you have any superstitions: ya Who named you? mom and dad what color pants do you have on right now? blue jeans what song are you listening to right now? Until Your Love Broke Through~RSJ/Keith Green if you could change your name [first middle and last] what would it be?: I like my first and middle name but my last name will be changed eventually to whoever I marry!! Sleep with a stuffed animal? nope what's the stupidest thing you have ever done?: there are too many occasions What will your first son's name be?: Benjamin scary or happy movies: depends what I'm in the mood for On the phone or in person?: in person Lust or Love?: love Any last words: "Broad River Bridge, Here I come"..hahahaha What was the last thing that you said?: "Hi" What is right next to you?: A card from Faith what is your computer desk made of?: wood What are the last 4 digits in your phone number: 2314 How's the weather right now?: it's decent What did you do last night?: Volleyball game & Red Sox game! How are you today?: sick and aggitated How do you eat an Oreo?: Eat the cream 1st What makes you happy?: Friends and Music What makes you mad?: Attitude, Hypocrits, LIARS What do you want to be when you grow up?: Teacher and a Mom What are your future goals?: Well, I want to live the life God has planned for me..hopefuly that includes a husband and kids My fave music: Country and Christian Favorite Food?: FOOD Fave girls perfume?: Could Care Less Fave guy's cologne?: Axe and Adidas Moves Do u like to dance: sometimes Fast or slow?: sboth Are you too shy to ask someone out?: depends Fave clothes store/brand?: Old Navy what time is it?: 4:43 Part Two: Last Movie(s) You Saw in a Theatre?: The Village Favorite Board Game?: Life Favorite Card Game: rummy Favorite Magazine?: dont read em Favorite Radio Station: 89.7 WMHK or 97.5 Favortie Song of All Time: I Will Be Here-Steven Curtis Chapman Favortie Baseball Team: Red Sox Favortie Football Team: Patriots Favorite Basketball Team: Celtics Favorite Smells? Lemon Wet-naps Comfort Foods?: Ice Cream & Oatmeal Favorite Sounds?: My brothers' laughs Worst Feeling in the world?: thinking someones mad at you and lonliness What is the 1st Thing you think of when you wake up?: gotta pee Favorite place to eat? olive garden Future Child's Name?: Benjamin,Faith,Jonah&Riley Finish this Statement, "IF I HAD THE TIME, I WOULD"...: Visit Home Do You Eat The Stems of Broccoli? rarely If you could Dye Your Hair Any Color, WhatWould You Choose?: Carmel Brown How Many different Cities/Towns Have You Live In? 4 Glass half empty/full? half full Favorite Sport to Watch?: baseball play: Volleyball What is Under Your Bed? No idea Morning Person, or Night Owl? night owl Over Easy, or Sunny Side Up? over easy FAvorite Place to Relax?: The Pointe & the screened in porch at my house Favortie Pie? Blueberry and Chocolate Cream

Okay, So Becca and I are talking last night all night, and its good, because I had an off day...so anyway, by 3 o'clock I fall asleep...it took awhile, cuz there were people outside our door being loud.... So anyway, the alarm goes off at 7:30 this morning for Becca, I don't have to get up until 8:30...but there is a knock at the door...I don't think much of it, so I let Becca get it... She opens it and goes, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" and I hear a laugh, I sit up (mind you, I can't think straight) and I see, ITS LUKE'S MOM!!! I'm pretty sure I almost pee'd myself! They drove here wednesday night and were here in Columbia last night! I can't believe it!!!!!! I am so excited! I'm still confused! But looks like now I'm not doing formal open dorms and I'm going to Charleston!!! I'm excited! What a way to wake up huh??? Have a great day everyone! ~Aubs~

Hey y'all..haven't written anything on here in forever!..I just have felt like..eh? ya know... I'm at college now! I @a great Christian Univeristy and I am super excited! I love it here. It is beautiful, the people are great and it is new and different, but awesome to have everything focused on Jesus! Even in my math class we tie everything back to God! How odd is that? Well, I've been doing alright being far away from home. Its not that bad because I have my best friends here. I'm rooming with Becca which is going well. I am suprised cuz I thought we might kill each other, but its great!! Well, I'm really excited to see what God has planned for me and what he is going to work in me! I've been having a bit of a hard time with being lonely...I'm not homesick, its more of a everyone has a bf/fiance/spouse thing, and I'm wanting my companion to come along!...So I was a bit discouraged, but I talked with God, and I guess he's just wanting me to be all about him first before he sends me who i'm supposed to be with!..Heck, it might be a bit lonely, but if it means meeting the man of my dreams..HEY its worth it... Well, I guess I better run..time to spend a bit more time with Jesus and read some Old Testament for homework! TTYL! ...~Aubs~ UPDATE!!!!: I have two new babies in my life!!! I am a godmother and a cousin(again!!) ... My goddaughter is:Jessy Cindonna Aubrey Sinsmyr She was born in Port-au-Prince, Haiti on 9/26 My cousin is: Luke Paul Goodrich He was born in New Hampshire @ 2:01 pm on 9/28 7lbs 4 oz 19 1/2" long!!

Hey everyone...how's it going? Well..here is my story Well, Sunday night I found out that my grampa wasn't doing too hot, he hadn't gotten out of bed all day...so I was a little upset, so I went over to Becca's to talk to her and vent and ask her advice if I should go up and see him or not to say goodbye...I wasn't sure if I wanted to see him like that..So after I talked to her for awhile, I came back home... I was a little scared, because I didn't know if he was saved or not, so I wasn't sure if I was going to see him again one day in Heaven, or if he was going to hell... Anyway, I sat and said this to my mother but she told me that he got saved about a year ago..so that was better...I was doing okay... So anyway..about 30 minutes later, my dad called and said that he was gone...He had gone faster than expected...but I was okay, I cried a little, but I knew that he was home with Jesus finally at peace...he had lived a long life..he was 87 years old.... So anyway, I went up to my dads to help out..but I had a really hard time, because all of his stuff was around and it was so hard to see my grandmother downstairs by herself without him sitting right there next to her in his chair...I miss him a lot Well, the funeral is Thursday, I hope it will be okay..He was a great man! Please I ask, that you will pray for my family to be at ease...thanks.. ~Aub~

Hey y'all...how is everyone? I guess I could just keep you updated to whats been going on lately... I spent the weekend in Cape Cod...which was fun..I had a great time... So anyway..As my title says..I'm lonely...All of my friends work and I only work 2 days a week...I haven't really been hanging out with anyone cuz they're always busy..or I always try to call them and they're hanging out with others instead....whatever thats cool...It stinks sometimes, cuz I'm moving in 3 weeks and then I'm leaving for college 2 weeks after that! its crazy! About college...Something came up with my financial aid and I have to come up with 11,000 dollars this year..which I do not have..there was something with my awards letter and so now my parents have to apply for a loan...if they are approved I'll be all set..but they have bad credit..so if they aren't..I have to apply for other student loans, but I can only recieve up to 4,000 dollars...so that means I still have 6,000 to come up with!!! Its hard...but the only thing I can do is have faith that God will provide if this is His will... If any of y'all feel led to, please pray for me that I will continue to have faith and be patient and that God's will be done...thanks for everything..I hope that you all are well and if there is anything I can do for you, let me know...thanks... ~Aub~

The pathways are broken And the signs are unclear And I don't know the reason why You brought me here But just because You love me the way that You do I'm gonna walk through the valley If You want me to No I'm not who I was When I took my first step And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet So if all of these trials bring me closer to You Then I will walk through the fire If You want me to It may not be the way I would have chosen When You lead me through a world that's not my home But You never said it would be easy You only said I'll never go alone So when the whole world turns against me I'm all by myself And I can't hear You answer my cries for help I'll remember the suffering Your love put You through And I will walk through the darkness If You want me to 'Cause when I cross over Jordan I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna shout I'm gonna look into Your eyes And see you never let me down So take me on a pathway That will lead me home to You and I will walk through the valley If You want me to... Yes, I will walk through the valley If You want me to...

Hey y'all...how's it going???.... So my final days of high school are winding down..I can't believe how fast it went by and how soon I will be leaving everything I've ever known to go explore something new... I know that I am supposed to leave, I know that God wants me to grow and show me new things..Its just a little frightening you know.. So we had prom #2 on Friday, it was so much fun..I had a really good time..My friends were so great and there were fireworks, it went awesome... So Yeah, Ben and I are fine, we are more friends than anything, and I think I've finally reached that place where its as if whatever God plans to happen can happen and I'm fine with that.....It will be sad to leave though..I will truly miss him... So this will probably be my last entry for awhile, I'm not quite sure when I'll write again, Its just that I'll be super busy with all the stuff going on this week...Graduation and parties and junk...I am so excited..but I am praying that I wont get too emotional...God be with me!! haha Well, anyway, I hope that everyone is doing well and I hope that you'll still write me, I'll be checking the site often! you guys rock... God Bless, Aub

Hey people...what up? Sorry I haven't written a lot lately..its alright though..I've been busy... So prom was friday...if prom is what you would like to call it!!! So I get ready for prom and junk, I'm feeling good...I love my dress and I go over to my dates house...my date is/was Ben..So yeah, we got pictures and everything and it was great! He was such an awesome date and was a good sport! (he pracitically broke his ankle the day before!) :( ....so then we were only there for like an hour and our dinner was late...we got dinner and it was so nasty! but whatever... So we go to get group pictures done and this cop comes up to us and tells us to get out of the building! Come to find out...THERE WERE 3 BOMB THREATS!!! yeah how's that prom for ya??? So we only got to spend 2 hours there and we hadn't even danced yet! I was so sad!!! After though, we had a good time riding around and stuff...Ben was such a good sport and he actually talked! I was Happy that he was so great and fun! .... They caught the guy that called the bomb threat..it was some jealous ex of some girl at my school..how queer!! So I guess we are having another prom! which will be fun! Its supposed to be next Friday which is great! I talked to Ben tonight and he's going to make sure that he isnt working so that he can go again! Well, ttyl everyone..God Bless! ~Aub~

Hey everyone how's it hanging? hehe...so today has already started..its 1st period and we had a test...i finished already so I decided to write...not too much is going on here..I've been getting ready for prom! I'm so excited...I got my nails done last night and I got a pedicure! I recommend to all...it is soo good! I feel like crap though...I couldn't sleep at all last night..my nose is so clogged and my head is blocked and my throat is still dry, but its feeling better...I had to sleep on the couch last night cuz i couldn't breathe and I had toilet paper stuffed up my nose! Isn't that attractive??? I'm hoping that I feel better by prom...STUPID ALLERGIES!!! Also...I am praying that my favorite "pal" doesn't come for prom cuz that would be sucky to be riding the crimson wave for prom and also I pray that my zits clear! I never have them and now of course I do cuz im pmsing and im stressing! How lovely it is to be a girl! So anyway..yeah...how is everyone else? I have 2 more weeks until Finals! WOHOO!!! I should be fine, but Please pray for my grades so that I may graduate..it would mean so much! so yeah... I'm having a good day so far..but its also only 1st period! Talk to y'all later! Aub

Yeah, so I haven't written in quite awhile..I've just been busy, but yet not busy enough to write stuff... OMGOSH!!!! Okay now I'm over the top! K, so yes I can't stand major hypocryts...like it really angers me..YES I KNOW that everyone is at one point or another..but I think a major thing is when you pretend to be all about God and do another thing...this girl whom goes to my youth group and junk...I could tell that she goes there only to socialize and she doesn't listen to the word and she is very disrespectful and junk...but I didn't want to be judgemental because everyone is welcome to church and I don't know what God is going to do in their lives...ya know? So anyway, I'm sitting her in the library right now and she's talking to this kid..and right in front of me she pulls out a condom and starts discussing it with him! WHAAAATTT???? That is messed up! I'm sorry, but that is just completely hypocrytical....And I feel very strongly about the whole purity issue and then to go to church and basically make a mockery out of it...That is just wrong and now I'm ripped!!!!!.........AAAAHHHHH!!!! Okay, now that I got that out of my system...I really could just lose it on people, but I am lucky that I do know how to bite my tounge as much as I do..if not, I would flip right of the handle people!... So anyway...people are driving me nuts...My friend is being an ass lately...ever since he started going back out with his girlfriend... and he and I are supposed to be best friends..he tells me that I am his only true friend, and yet he turns around and treats me like the crap on his shoe when his girlfriend comes around and whines about junk...Its crazy..its hard, because I do like her..but not with him..or around him..she's a different person and very manipulative and junk...and when they are together, I can't even breathe..its nuts...It kills me to be in the room with them both and I wont hang out with him if she's over....its just so weird..its like she's jealous of our friendship and she's selfish wanting to keep him all to herself and she treats him like junk.. so she trets me like junk if we're both around..So i can't just sit there and let him go through that...but I have to be nice, becuase I DO care about him and I dont' want to hurt him ya know?? .... Well whatever...Prom is next week..so most of the drama will be done after that...and then its like 2 weeks 'till I graduate and then I never have to see her or the other insincere people in the junkhole! YAY!!! I am so glad that I am moving away to college! I get to meet new people whom dont judge me and get new friends and all that fun junk...blah blah blah...so anyway..I feel a little better about getting all of my anger out...I am stressing over all of the prom drama...i just want to make sure that my dress is all good and I want to make sure that my date isn't a jerk and I want to make sure that I don't look like crap and I want to make sure that I have fun! ITs crazy....I just feel like something is going to screw up and its going to suck! ...But even though I have that empty pit feeling in my stomach (like you just had a huge coffee on an empty stomach)...yuck...anyway..evene though I have all that..I have faith that the Lord will provide and prevail! I have faith and I just keep praying... Please, all I ask is that y'all would pray for me..for my stresses...my finanical aid for school and for nice weather on Graduation!!!! YAY!!! Thanks everyone..you are great!! Peace~Aubrey

Hey y'all...how have you been? I am doing great! God is good....THis is the day that the Lord has made! What a great day it is to be alive! So I've been gone for awhile..i spent the past week in South Carolina, at the University I will be attending in the fall! It was so great! I got to spend the whole week with my two greatest friends and it was just so awesome to meet their friends and hang out with them! :0P I had so much fun!! I guess I could tell you about some of my great adventures!!! ............. So I arrived on Thursday night after a long layover in Georgia and Luke picked me up! It was great to see him! ....Then we got to the school and I went to bed...ISN'T IT EXCITING ALREADY??? hehehe...anyway..I just tell you random things that went on.... Um....on our way back from church on Sunday We drove by a prostitute...IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!! and Luke goes..."I saw my 1st prostitute"...(all happy like)..it was so funny! ..... Becca, Luke and I played Rummy all week, and Luke would act retarded becuase he just is, and because we kept beating him! it was great! I got to go to a theology class...FUN STUFF...so interesting! I can't wait to take it in a couple years... I WENT TO KRISPY KREME!!! (we dont have it up here) and we went right when the HOT sign was on, so they were fresh off the belt..it was great! I met some great guys....there is Randy (such a cutie!!) , Dave S. (hillarious!, when I 1st met him, I almost stopped breathing I was laughing so hard)...Stu (big guy with a big heart, and thinks he's wolverine)...Andrew (I already knew...He is so awesome!!) Dino (reforemed druggie and sweetest guy, great rapper too!! ...Extreme passion for Christ!) and then there is BarryFoy...yes you combine his name. You ask why? .....YOU JUST DO!! Everyone does.... So that is BarryFoy...he is a hermit crab, but we got him to come out of his room a couple of times! FUNNY GUY!! .... Becca and I decided that for our room next year, we are going to get two pet frogs...we are going to name them BarryFoy and Billy Coginsworth (that is BarryFoy's code name)..Haha..its great! I got to meet my admissions counselor...he is such a great guy....I love him so much...he barely even knows me and he came up to me today and gave me a huge hug goodbye!! There's also Brenna, who is the coolest chick ever...She is Becca's current roomate and she invited me to go to Sonic with all of them...IT WAS MY 1st TRIP TO SONIC!!! It is so good!!! I also got to play put-put for the 1st time (put put is mini golf) I went with Becca, Luke and Andrew...It was so great...I beat Luke...he was funny! Then the best part was last night, when Becca and I went out to the guys side of campus and tp'd and wrote all over their cars, and they dont know it was us!!! We kept denying it!! It was so great!!! FUN FUN FUN!! So overall I had a great time!!!! I am so excited to be going there next year...I know that I am going to grow EMENSELY in my walk with God...I already pretty much know how everything works there too! I'm excited! I wanted to say thanks to all of y'all who were praying for my trip! It worked!! I have been praying for it too, and God has once again prevailed! It was great! So thanks again... I should get going now..I may have forgot stuff, but I will add it later if I did..thanks for listening to my quirky crap! Love y'all and God Bless...Aub

my eyes are pouring with tears of frustration burning my eyes longing for destination but it isn't until i fix my eyes totally on You that i know the reason for my being and realize what You've called me to do

Seems just like yesterday, you were a part of me I used to stand so tall, I used to be so strong Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right Unbreakable, like nothing could go wrong Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep I’m barely hanging on Here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you won't get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes I told you everything, opened up and let you in You made me feel alright, for once in my life Now all that’s left of me, is what I pretend to be So together, but so broken up inside Cause I can’t breathe, no I can’t sleep I’m barely hanging on Here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you wont get to see the tears I’ve cried Behind these hazel eyes Swallow me, then spit me out For hating you, I blame myself Seeing you, it kills me now No, I don’t cry on the outside anymore Anymore Here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you wont get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes Here I am, once again I’m torn into pieces, can't deny it, can't pretend Just thought you were the one Broken up, deep inside But you wont get to see the tears I cry Behind these hazel eyes

He drowns in his dreams An exquisite extreme, I know He's as damned as he seems And more heaven than a heart could hold If I try to save him My whole world would cave in It just ain't right, Lord it just ain't right [chorus] Oh, and I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful He's such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Lord, would it be beautiful Or just a beautiful disaster He's magic and myth He's strong as what I believe A tragedy with More damage than a soul should see But do I try to change him So hard not to blame him Hold me tight, baby hold me tight Oh, and I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful He's such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful Or just a beautiful disaster I'm longing for love and the logical But he's only happy, hysterical I'm searching for some kind of a miracle Waiting so long I've waited so long He's soft to the touch But frayed at the end, he breaks He's never enough And still he's more than I can take Oh, and I don't know I don't know what he's after But he's so beautiful He's such a beautiful disaster And if I could hold on Through the tears and the laughter Would it be beautiful Or just a beautiful disaster He's beautiful Lord, he's so beautiful He's beautiful

Yeah, so I deffinetly wrote a journal yesterday, but the stupid site didn't want to load and save it! UGHH!!! ...That's okay, just add it to my pile of crap! So yesterday, My boss was angry with Felecia and I because we second guessed her opinion and whatever and she thought that we were giving her attitude, but whatever, its over now...but then this parent continues to tell my boss that I am not being appropriate with her child...she said that I have told her child to "shutup" and today the kid got written up for bad behavior towards my boss...and the parent still tried to pin it on me and say that the child acts out because of me!!! WHAT A LOAD OF CRAP!!! I didn't even interact with the child...she thinks her child is a little angel and whatever...UGH! It makes me so mad and makes me think that I suck at my job! and I love my job!! It is crazy...what do I do??? AGGGH So I just had a really hard time realizing that what I thought God had put in my life for a LARGE reason, wasn't true... But I guess that is how life is...i guess that is how God planned for it....apparently Ben isn't the one for me....God's will is bigger than the eye can see, and i know that he has something BETTER for me in the end.... Thanks guys for listening.....Ur GREAT!! Sorry for blabbing on and on! ~Aub~

Name: Aubrey -- Birthday: December 21st -- Nicknames: there are so many -- Favorite band: i like every kind of music -----------------YOU PREFER------------------ -- Pepsi or coke: regular pepsi, diet coke -- McDonald's or Burger King: burger king -- Adidas or Nike: Adidas -- Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla -- Cappuccino or coffee: Coffee -----------------DO YOU------------------ -- Smoke:no -- Cuss: rarely -- Take a shower everyday: no -- Have a crush(es): would i call it a crush? - Who are they?: My Sweetie ;) -- Do you think you've been in love?: I am -- Want to go to college: im in college -- Like high school: hated high school -- Want to get married: Yes please :) -- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: yup -- Believe in yourself: yes -- Get motion sickness: sometimes -- Think you're attractive: eh, sometimes -- Get along with your parents: pretty much -- Like thunderstorms: yeah -- Play an instrument: not anymore ------------IN THE PAST MONTH HAVE YOU-------------- -- Drank alcohol: no -- Smoke(d): yes, wait, no its been over a month -- Done a drug: no -- Have Sex: no -- Made Out: no -- Gone to the mall: no -- Eaten sushi: No -- Been on stage: No -- Gone skating: No -- Made homemade cookies: no -- Been in love: yes -- Dyed your hair: no -- Stolen anything: no -----------------HAVE YOU EVER------------------ -- Flown on a plane: yes -- Missed school because it was raining?: no -- Told a guy/girl that you liked them?: yes~ for the 1st time in my life this year..gosh -- Cried during a movie?: yes..i did last night -- Ever thought an animated character was hot?: i dont think so -- Had an imaginary friend: kind of, Bill is my imaginary Boyfriend -- Been on stage?: sort of -- Cut your hair: yes -- Had crush on a teacher?: well, thought they were attractive -- Gotten beaten up: no -- Been in a fight: argumentative fight -----------------THE FUTURE------------------ -- Age you hope to be married: 22...no later than 25 -- Numbers and Names of Children: 4's a good number...and names... I like way too many, but we'll discuss that at a later time -- How do you want to die?: when i'm very old in my sleep --What you want to be when you grow up?: wife and mom -- What country would you most like to visit?: Spain or Ireland or anywhere in Africa -----------------OPPOSITE SEX------------------ -- Best eye/hair color: Brown hair and eyes

I'm having hope ....I just pray that its not too much