Anyone can feel depressed. Today I think I'll feel upside-down. I think I'll hold on to this feeling and pretend I'm actually worth the waste of emotion. I'll clutch it tight and spin in a counter-clockwise agenda against my will, like the steering wheel of your car that you turn off of my street; speeding somewhere-anywhere but here. I wish I could say "Take me with you", But the truth is, I'm super-glued to the rug. Content to grasp my feelings and bite my lip and fade away in your rearview mirror. A tiny dot on your perfect blue sky. I trust everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day. Full of chocolate and kisses and warm, pink love. But I was cold. My heart frozen-over/my eyes fixed down. I watched the exchange of saliva and choked on something tasting vaguely of regret. I know it could've been avoided. But when I think about the past, it's always with remorse. I aim to change that. Starting now. Wish me luck. Today I tried playing a game called "Can you still feel?" I lost terribly when I crushed the twinges in my chest. I won't let them twist me into another web of lust. Lies and fake smiles are the last things I need right now. But it is nice to know that there are still parts of me that react. I sleep all day but have trouble at night. And when I do sleep, I never want to wake. I'm told that's a sign of depression. Um, that's nice. Call it what you will, I just want to pull the sheets back over my head. I ate an entire tin of citrus sour altoids in one day. My taste buds are on fire. The overly-sweet mixing with the blindingly sour is lovely if you know when to stop yourself. I am one of the many who believe in indulgance. Oh dear, I am paying for it now. Keep you head down, and your hands to yourself/// If only I could take my own advice....