tis summer Yay for summer

it's a cyle you find someone that you like and want to be with and you're happy for a while cause you have something to look forward to everyday and to brighten up your life but then something usually happens that ruins everything and you feel sad and stary to hate that person becasue they hurt you then you get bitter about the entire thing and snap at ppl when they mention it and eventually you don't care and wish it never happened because there nothing more you can do about it GOD I DON'T WANT TO HATE HIM OR GET BITTER OR FORGET because when things were good there was too many things that were just right I don't get it or understand it and I just don'tknow what to do about it anymore I don't want this to end up like every other bad thing that has happened to me I'm trying so hard to make this time different but I just don't know how I just don't know how

Prom was last night soo much fun minus some minor things but that alwasy happens it was so weird it didnt feel like i was at prom it just seemed like anothter thing then it was over in like a second i was looking forward to it for so long and then all of a sudden it was just over and i wanted to rewind the entire night just so i could re live it again b/c it was awesome but yeah i guess that alwasy happens

I'm so sick of thinking about this all over and over in my mind I wish it woulod just stop i just want to scream and cut that part of my brain out god why do I alwasy care this much? i need a hug:-(

We had movie night the other on thrusday wow that was fun we watching Hostel that is a gory movie but its cool cause the guy is actually smart 1 week till prom wow im excited and i hope that its a lot of fun:-p 4 more dasy till Kristin's birthday yay:-P thrusday i also got kidnapped and tied to dom's car that was a party and we got in apple pie fights and stuff yeah great times I'm happy casue tonight we're having turkey for dinner i love turkey<3:-P ^wow that was really random ah well thats aboutit for now peace out

Yay I'm pretty happy a little stressed and wow i totally forgot about this thing haha so we're going for a short update cause i just wrote a long private entry *taps head* all me secret thoughts:-P anyway went to DC two weeks ago and like 2 days before that I got a prom date so EAT THAT FAT BITCHES AND HOES haha wow im in a better mood than I thought I was Nick Becky and Bristle came up this weekend for Easter and I really LOVE our 4 wheeler since I found out what it can do now ;-) then when dad drives it im like wow this thing can do a hell of a lot better than that and tomorrow in study hall I get to work on Trig w/ Kristin see my prom date and harrass him about getting his tux 9yes prom is two weeks awaya and there's things missing) and probably get talked about while im in the room as usually casue they think I'm deaf or stupid and apparentley a whore which is news to me since they have slept w/ god only knows how many ppl but anyway my little rant there they're just pissed cause they want what i have...hips that aren't buried underneath 30 pounds of fat:-D love to the world :-*

I wishing everyone a Merry Christmas screw Happy Holidays cause ppl just need something to complain about w/e So MERRY CHRISTMAS only 9 days left!:-D

Have you every made a person out to be something they're actually not? You thought they did something so in your mind you made them this horrible person but then you come to find out that that really wasn't the case. thats what I've been doing for a while and it's finally been straighted out and i feel like SUCH an idiot so i wanna know how many other ppl this has happened to or am i the only crazy one?

ok time for a happy entry :-D

Read 2 comments

Leave me comments if you like salt and vinegar just as much as me and Kristy do!!!:-P

Kristy this is for you me and Kristy ride the WORST bus in the world we have absolutley no one to share in our horros with either the only normal people on there are me, Kristy, and her mute brother Andy that Kristin's in love with ;-) (had to add that) some main horrors.... and yesterday someone was puking on it there's all the drugies on it and they like my ass we have annoying disrespectful little kids that i want to kill we have people on there that are so sick they need to be quarentined we have to listen to the worst rap and crappy music in the world (expect for this morning they had in Atreyu I was proud) crazy/pshyco people 7 kids that are in one family nad their mom waves to the bus without a bra on YEAH IT'S THAT BAD! Kristy add more if i forgot anything

This weekend was so much fun! Kristy Kristin and Emilie i love you guys!x3 friday night we went to the haunted woods adn i swear they were burning weed or somthing in that tent :-P it was fun but so not worth $10 Then we went to McDonalds and im extreamely surprised we didn't get kicked out (my mom included:-P) feed apple pie to elvis taking pictures with Lucy and the founder of McD's and mom pretending to shoot the lady behind the counter great times ROCK 'EM SOCK 'EM ROBOT RINGS!! the coolest thing EVER!!! then we went to Bob's for FIVE hours on saturday and Kristin lost her mind *mobile* and the lady at teh resteraunt that didn't know what the hell she was doing and chocolate chip pankcakes (in different shapes):-P NEVER A DULL MOMENT:-D love you guys!

Fuck this I'm done

wow i never thought i could get that angry that fast who the hell do ppl think they are anyway? fucking bastards all of them rumors and shit god damnit and if Kenny would have ever asked me out or never started to separate us why the hell would i even be interested in John god fucking bastard i still cant even believe that god damnit and right when he started to fade and i couldn't remember some of the details and then people have to fucking bring it back and the fucking accident and the only other thing i could think of was that last night when we said goodbye in pretty vivd deatil that i was gald to have forgotten FUCKING PEOPLE I FUCKING HATE THEM FUCKING BASTARDS EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM!!! ^ yeah in case you've never seen it before ths is me really fucking pissed off mad angry and ready to fucking kill someone

i want to help you kristin but i can only help you so much your gonna have to do most of it youself and fix the bad things i can't do it for you i'd like to but i can't but im always hear for you no matter what adn ill try to help you as much as a possible can :-* ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ there's always something that goes wrong its starting to trouble me a bit from keys,accidents and sickness what else could there be it seems so stupid like its always sall crap that happens but i guess the positive is that no matter what stupid thing happens we keep trying thats what counts i guess god i miss him but i can't say that too much becasue that would mean im too avaible god i hate these stupid situations and i hate talkingabout them b/c they're just minor problems uhhh w/e over and out

im so freggin tired of ppl trying to tell me want to do between the graduation project and homecoming leave me the fuck alone to make my own god damn descions people piss me off

ok the last entry was a bit harsh but i was really really pissed but now i dont kno what to think Kristin has a point that it may not be what i think i kno i have to talk to him about it and im gonna think of everything that i want to say but it may take a few days cause my brain is so fried at the moment im serious i can't really keep one thought about the whole situation in there for liek more than 5 seconds and i think i developed a permenant twich like my hand keeps shaking and i can't stop it yesterday and today ppl (Kristin and Mom) keep saying that he's not worth it but on of the things that bugs me the most is that i kno he is worth it but what hurts more than that is that i can admit that but he in love with someone else or explaining it to them... i just really need to talk to him but i need to know what to say first uhh i think i need sleep or something so yeah goodnight

same mood as the previous entry yesterday was the best even the few minor things that went wrong like he dad took the keys and stuff but that happens and some stuff i wish i didnt say but that always happens, and there was stuff i wanted to happen but it didn't and im sorta glad but yet not but i understand we both didnt wanna screw with anything that we already had god it was soooo much fun but yet so horrible cause i knew it was the last and the goodbye was horrible i held out from crying until i got in the truck and i started bawling and my chin was trembling after the goodbye and stuff but i dont think he saw and i didnt want to let him go cause i knew it was the last hug for a while and me saying htat i would really miss him and he said that he would really miss me too it killed me like kristin said u want to kno but at the same time it makes it sooo much worse and last night i just wanted to cry and mom came in and wouldn't leave so i stopped and then i couldn't start and she thinks that a good thing but i just needed to cry everyday this week i've cried i dont think i've ever cried so much in my life and everyone says its alright that i'll see him soon which 2 hours isn't too far away that how far nick lives but still its a little different from ur brother than someone that becomes a part of you i want to go to the mall with kristin becasue if i stay home i know im not gonna be able to think about anything else and mom wants to be with me cause shes 'knows how im feeling' i doubt it and if she keeps me here and we got to the mall later it sorta defeats the purpose and it just gonna suck no matter what god it has to be something more than i'll really admit cause otherwise it wouldn't hurt so damn bad god all i had was graduation,party,his house for like an hour,cd shopping,warped and last night not nearly enough for him to leave damn i wish it wasn't this bad i kno i keep saying it i kno he'll be home soon and stuff but its until he comes home that its gonna hurt then when he has to leave again but i cant do anything but make the best out of it and i'll try god im gonna miss you so damn much

mood ~ every sad and horrible feelingthat u can think of a name for 3 freaking days and it seems i can just cry at the drop of a hat (excuse the over used saying) i didn't think it was gonna be this bad it fucking sucks i HATE goodbyes i know its not forever but it still is the worst thing in the world and theres so much more that i'm feeling but i wont write it cause i don't wanna dig all those feeling out of me and make them fresh so here it is goodbye i'll miss you terribly

hey its me :P i wanna write something about sunday it was both the best and worse day of my life i dont wanna go into detail cause 1) ill get bitched at for the better part and 2) i dont wanna really type down the worst part cause that means i relive it w/o it being in my mind cd shopping and car accident saturday me and kristin will officially be on vacation for a week and at the end we're going to warped!!!! so can't wait it gonna be soooo much fun thats all and my truck looks flipping awesome!!!:D so cant wait to drive it 8-)