i am so frustrated i dont know what the fuck to wrtie. so i figure if i just start typing what im thinking here maybe something will happen. this song has a good tune it keeps repeating in the background. its really catchy. i really like it. No one is perfect. that i know is a fact, and anyone that thinks anyone can or should be perfect, fuck you. certain people in society think that everyone should be near perfect and the fact is no one can nor should be. if we were all that way then things would be boring. no one would make mistakes and we wouldnt have anything to learn from. i thing that not being perfect is the way to be. sure it causes problems and grief but thats ok. you learn from being imperfect. so fuck anyone who says someone should be perfect, or even thinks that people should be close to it.

This is my 100th entry! YaY! and in memory of this great achievement i shall salute Gumby. Gumby and friends are awesome!

it feels like the world is speeding by me. like im stuck at a stand still. the traffic light is green and the cars zoom by me but i just cannot go anywhere. my car wont start. it wont move. i need it to move. i need to catch up to the cars zooming by. i cannot be stuck here forever. ...this is a reason im frustrated. oh so very frustrated.

last night i went and hung out with some cool people. kinda a party i guess. it wasnt all that big but it was fun. its funny to watch people getting drunk and stoned. i didnt, but it was fun to watch. so i was there till about 3am so i didnt really have time to do much else. it was a fun night though. so today i have work at 130-930 again, just like yesterday. sigh i hate these long closing shifts. it sucks and no one wants to trade for that shift. but yea i have to go do that again today. ohhh last night there was a fire at IKEA. it was small and it was in the back in the receiving area but there was a fire. all the alarms went off around 815pm and people were running out of the store. it was quite funny. people panic when the hear fire alarms. haha. so yea after they finally figured out how to turn off the alarms there was like 10% of the customers left so we just stood around and did whatever. it was great. i dont know what the cause of the fire was, but im willing to guess that someone was being naughty smoking a cigarette back there and threw it in the cardboard boxes or something. oh well... they should have a fire every night. haha. yea so thats that. in other news, i dont know what ill be doing this week but if anyone wants to hang out or do something ill be around. i need to not sit at home cause when i do i get depressed about the shit i cannot change and how fucked up the past was. so lets go do stuff. scott and ill probly hang sometime right buddy? anyway, yall have a splendid sunday...ill be at work. :[

i was going to write a great and wonderful entry here telling how i feel and what im gona do about it, but then i decided doing so would not be the best idea, plus i need to get ready for work. so maybe ill write another entry a bit later after work... i dunno. everything is all messed up in my head!

the story of my life... ...i should make my life into a movie. i think it could happen.... at this point its "to be continued"... lets hope it has a happy ending... cause bad endings never go over well... but i guess only i can choose the ending... i wish i knew how i wanted it to end... well i know how i want it to end... but thats pretty much impossible and no one would believe a movie that ended that way. so yea... im probly screwed...

not sure what i want. not sure if i want. not sure i should want. not sure i want to go back. not sure i want to try again. not sure why im like this. not sure why i would even consider this. not sure if i can handle this. not sure i can be prepared for what might happen. not sure i should let think this way. not sure at all...

ever had that feeling like something is gona happen before it happens. then it does. i had a strong sense something was gona happen tonight. i was walking out of ikea at 945pm and i was on my way to my car and i was like hmmm well i dont think anything is going on tonight but something interesting is definately going to happen. i dont know... it was really weird. anyway, yea so yea something did happen... but dont worry about it. this entry isnt about what happened. its about that feeling. what is that feeling? is it just coincidence? i dont understand... theres no explanation...atleast not that i can think of right now. its like that feeling when you know something bad is gona happen and then it does. its weird...i get these strong feelings a lot and when i do get them, something always seems to happen. am i the only one? i dont think i am. but i probly have these feelings a lot more often than other people. i kinda ignore them most of the time and go on and what happens usually isnt that big a deal. i dunno... anyway tonight on the way to my car it was weird... really had strong feeling something was gona happen... and something did. sorry i cant give details about what happened because its something i dont feel like discussing here. anyway, so yea... weird feelings...woooo! hah....i said wooo...

Work at ikea is getting to the point where i very much dislike every customer that comes though my line. i suggest that if you shop at the ikea in costa mesa, do not come though my line unless you plan on telling me you are from sitdiary. otherwise, i may be rude to you. im rude to just about all my customers now. used to be just some, mostly the super stupid ones, but recently almost all of them annoy me. plus that fact that i just dont care about that job any more... that also leads me to be rude to them. im looking for a new job. im trying. i must get out of there. i hit my year mark at ikea friday... 1 whole year there. ive gotta get out. before i go insane. 1 year of doing the exact same thing. over and over. ive just come to the point where i cannot stand it anymore. so the job hunt is on. im gona go over to the computer repair department at best buy and talk to the manager see if he needs anyone cause they pay good money there... probly double what i get at ikea. so thats one opportuinity. ive also reposted my resume on monster.com and have been gettin a few phone calls. nothing that sounds interesting yet, but we'll see. also im look on hotjobs.com and gona fax my resume to some companies. hopefully ill get a nice job for summer that pays a lot so i can have some money to do stuff with. and maybe ill find a friend to spend it on. who knows. well thats the update on my job status... my eyes are kinda sorta burning and its 330am so im gona get some sleep... i have workin exactly 12 hours. tty peeps.

wow! this song soo fits exactly how i feel! At first I was afraid. I was petrified. I kept thinking I could never live without you by my side. But then I spent so many nights just thinking how you'd done me wrong. I grew strong. I learned how to get along. And so you're back from outer space. I just walked in to find you here without that look upon your face. I should have changed my fucking lock. I would have made you leave your key If I'd have known for just one second you'd be back to bother me. Oh now go. Walk out the door. Just turn around now. You're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire? Did you think I'd crumble? Did you think I'd lay down and die? Oh not I. I will survive. As long as I know how to love I know I'll be alive. I've got all my life to live. I've got all my love to give. I will survive. I will survive. It took all the strength I had just not to fall apart. I'm trying hard to mend the pieces of my broken heart. And I spent oh so many nights just feeling sorry for myself. I used to cry. But now I hold my head up high. And you'll see me with somebody new. I'm not that stupid little person still in love with you. And so you thought you'd just drop by, and you expect me to be free. But now I'm saving all my lovin' for someone who's lovin' me. Oh now go. Walk out the door. Just turn around now. You're not welcome anymore. Weren't you the one who tried to break me with desire? Did you think I?d crumble? Did you think I?d lay down and die? Oh not I. I will survive. As long as I know how to love I know I?ll be alive. I?ve got all my life to live. I?ve got all my love to give. I will survive. I will survive.

things seem to be going alright. life was shit... now it seems like crap... atleast thats a step up. heh. well im going to the house of blues with a friend tonight. that should be lots of fun. besides that not much goin on. just trying to stay alive. i hang with my friends cause they keep me goin. thanks friends, im sure some of you read this. you guys are great. its really good to have friends to be around when things arent goin so well or ya just feel down. so remember if you ever feel down and want a friend im here for you too. thanks.

I have a new friend :] You can see i added my friend to my friend list. cowgrl289. im happy i have a new friend :) YAY!!!!!!!!!

i found this picture... thought id share the laugh with you... plus tomorrow is bunny day.

21 grams... thats how much we lose when we die... where does it go... what is it that weighs 21 grams...

ya know what movie grosses me out every fuckin time i see it? Van Wilder i swear that movie is freakin halarious, but damn the pastries with dog cum... guhh soo gross every time i see it i feel like im gona throw up!!! LMAO but so fuckin funny... ok well thats enough for now... leave me comments...

ITS MY BIRHTDAY!!! IM 20! YAYY!!!! ONLY ONE MORE YEAR TILL LEGAL DRINKING AGE! YES!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! ----------added later----------------------- April fools! haahaha

you know that scene at the end of fight club where he has the gun in his mouth and then all the buildings fall. i feel like im stuck in a situation like that. if you havent seen fight club you are missing out. its a really great movie. i have it on dvd if anyone wants to watch it. anyway so yes i feel like there are 2 sides of me and im very conflicted. and the only way to get rid of that other me is to "kill myself" i put that in quotes cause thats kinda what he does to get rid of it. but im not at all saying i want to kill myself. dont get that mixed up. the best scene in that movie is at the end there where all the buildings fall in the background and the pixies are playing. great scene. great movie. kinda how i feel so i thought id mention it.

well im alive... but thats about all i can say... its been a month... and im alive... thats enough for me to be proud of right now...

not sure what to make of this world... not sure what to make of the people on this world... not sure what to make of the way people think on this world... maybe i should go back... back to where i know how to act... back to where i know whats right from wrong... because here on this world... whats right and whats wrong is not the same here... i cannot take this kind of change... send me back... back to the place i used to be... a place where i am not alone... a place where i have friends... a place where i dont have to sit here and think about all the shit that happened... a place where people are happy... a place like where i used to be... the place before everything got flipped upside down...

arright i created a new diary. FRIENDS ONLY. so if you would like to be added to my friends list leave a comment here in this diary and ill see about adding you to my friends list on my new diary. http://diaries.suchisthis.com/jared i may update this diary in the future at some point but im movie to my new one at the moment. its gona be a lot better because im gonna be able to say anything i want without having to worry who's reading it. :] ok so if you want to be added to my new diary friends list leave me a comment and maybe ill add you...depends who you are. byebye jwagman1 diary, hello jared diary