I have only 2 months left till I graduate. I'm writing a critical review and then I have two classes in July and then I'm done. I'm excited but I know it's going to be a lot of work. When I move home I'm moving in with my friend Raquel. That should be fun. I need to find and job and a place. I'm going to take a year off before grad school. I can work and relax.

Well, I've been a busy girl I am graduating in Aug. and I am excited but I missed all my dead lines for grad school. So, I have no idea what I am doing for the next year of my life.

I know it's been forever since I've writen, but this semester has been the hardest ever. My Finals are done, but I don't feel like it's over. Not until I get my grades can I breath a sigh of relief. I'm so scared about my thesis. I keep thinking of ways I could revise it and I passed it in last Tues. I'm at my boring job... soon I won't have to specify which job I'm at because I'm getting laid off of the one that acually pays me and that I like. So soon I will be back to making 100 dollars every two weeks and eating mac + cheese. Ahhh... I pays to be a student. On the love life front. I've been talking to someone. He's really smart and musical and interesting. We talked for 2 hours on the phone the other day with no awkward silences. It was cool... I'll keep you updated. hummmm... What else is going on? I'm excited about going home for Christmas. I can't wait to see my uncle and his kids. I miss my dad and my grandfather. I haven't even started Christams shoping. I fingure I'll go out on Monday morning while everyone's at work. I hate going shopping during Christmas time. My Nana had already done most of her Christmas shopping. It's going to be werid opening up presents from her. Any suggestions on what to get a 13 and a 16 year old boys? As my cousins get older they harder to buy for. Any sugestions are welcome.

Well, My life has become increasingly more complacated. I feel like my best friend/room mate doesn't want to be around me. And I don't know why. I just feel like whenever we are together she feels like she has something better to do. We are all really busy right now with school and everything but it's kind of ridiculous. I'm more busy than she is... but I feel like she has a harder time fitting me into her schedule. I don't really understand it. And she never sleeps at our house any more. And the reason she doesn't is because one of our other room mates is soooo messy... we were trying to figure out how long it would take her to take out to trash, it was over flowing and about 4 bags around the trash to be taken out. Then I broke down and was like fine I'll do it. Eli and Collette are getting married and I'm going to be a brides maid. I really need to loose weight for this. So, I can fit into a pretty dress. They are going to have a renasonce theme. I can't wait. My Uncle's wedding is next weekend. It should be fun, but it will be the first family event since my Nana died. It's going to be hard being there with out her. They are going to have a rose on a seat, for her. I wish she could be there. I told my pupa I'd dance with him... He doesn't want to but he will lol... I can get him to. It's will make him happy. My uncle and soon to be Aunt packed me a care package to take home with me to school and my pupa is going to pack me a cooler full of frozen fish that he caught. I like how they all are tring to fill that little void in my life. My Nana used to pack me a box every time I went home to bring back to school. I'm starting to write a book of the memories I have of my Nana maybe I'll post some soon. I have only writen two... It's still pretty painful to write about.

Well, I haven't been doing all that great in school. All I want to do is sleep. But this week, I am going to go to all of my classes and I am going to get myself back on my feet. As I cried myself to sleep last night I realized my Nana would hate this. She hated to see me sad. She would hate me being sad over her. But it is hard not to be. My capstone test is on Wed 10/12, Mon 10/17, and Wed 10/19. It is three tests on everything we have ever learned in psychology. I'm kinda freaking out, but I've got my books and I'm going to study the best I can. We get two chances to pass it and its pass/fail so I think I'll be ok. Hopefully.

Well, that past few weeks have been (to say the least) the worst weeks of my life. I don't know what I'm doing... Me graduating almost ment more to my Nana then it did to me. Now, it is pulling me away from my family. all I really want to do is either go home of take care of my pupa or I want to go to bed and not get up until the pain goes away. But it won't go away... and I'm afraid if the pain stops I'll forget her and that makes me feel bad too. I found a tape I recorded as a child and it has my Nana's voice on it. I will have my Nana's voice for ever. My whole family is going over my pupa's tomorrow to help out with the Thank you cards and to go through my Nana's paper work. I wish I could be there. School's coming along alright... but latly I've been viewing it as the thing that is keeping me away from my family.

My Nana died this morning. Those words don't really express what I'm feeling. My Nana was basically my mother. I lived with her until I was 6 and then I lived with my dad but my Nana would take care of me at night or on weekends. I didn't really have a mother. My Nana was my Mother. I'm going home tomorrow. My dad didn't thinkI'd be ok to drive today. I havn't talked to her in a while. The last time I talked to her was to learn how to make beets. I don't know if I even told her I loved her. I was going to call her last night, but I was busy doing homework. My sister called me last night to tell me that Nana had bought a present and signed it from me because I wasn't going to be around for my Aunts bridal shower. I was gonna call and thank my Nana but I didn't. I figured I could do it later. But I won't be able to.

The semester has started out ok. I'm taking some pretty interesting classes. I'm really worried about senior sem. I have to do another study and take a test that is on all things I have ever learned in psychology. We get two chances to take it, and I guess barely anyone passes it the first time. I'm taking 6 classes this semester. But it should be alright. One of them is for 0 credit and is just a coral group thing... I'm trying for an easy A. I have alot of presentations this semester and I hate doing them, so I'm a little nervis. One of them is next week. I have to present a study in Cognitive Psych. I haven't read the study yet. I'm starting a pharmacy Tech. job soon. I'm so happy I'll finally be making real money. I had my physical today and I got drug tested. I've never been drug tested before it was a little nerve racking. I knew I was ok because I haven't smoked in a while. But still I was like, "what if?". Josh moved to Boston. How ironic is that? I move to NY from MA and he moves to MA from NY. I hate men... I'm giving them up for a while. Well, I have homework due tomorrow Talk to you later.

I am soooo busy this week. My best friends are going to Mexico on Wed and I have to help dog sit starting Monday. Things I have to do Monday Class 8am-9:15 Meeting with Prof 9:15-9:30 Get car checked out Drop off at 10am Hopefully nap 3pm-4pm Work at hospital (kate I got a pharm Tech job like I was doing back home Yay) 6pm-11:30pm Tuesday Class 9:30am-10:45am 1:00pm-2:15pm 2:30pm-4:15pm 7:15pm-9:45pm And between all these class I have to get my car back. Wed. (My easy day) Class 8-9:15am Nap 3-4pm Work 6-11:30pm Thursday Class 9:30-10:45am 1:00-2:15pm 2:30-4:15pm Then Dog sit Sleep over in Clifton Park Friday Dog sit all day Sat Work 10-6pm Then dog sit sleep over clifton park Sun. Church 10:30-12pm Work 12:30-9:30pm Monday Class 8-9:15am Drive to Clifton park to let dogs out Work 6-11:30pm Tuesday Class 9:30am-10:45am 1:00pm-2:15pm 2:30pm-4:15pm 7:15pm-9:45pm I am so not dog sitting this day And between all these things I have to do hopefully I can do my homework and study. I hate it they get to go away to the beach, go swiming and enjoy the sunshine and I have to do all the stuff I usually do. PLUS drive 20 min back and fourth to take care of the dogs. I love the dogs and I love them. But I am going to need a vacation from their vacation. And also Collette's little sitter who is 17 is staying behind to take care of the dogs, but their mom wants me there anyway... I think I'm acually suppost to be watching Rachel more than watching the dogs.

I guess I'm ok... I've been really busy so it keeps my mind off things. I started my new job on Wed. I think I'm going to like it. There are people to talk to and things to do and I'm making $12 per/hour Thank God!!! with the gas prices the way they are it's going to cost me 100 bucks to go home for Thanksgiving. I have to do home work. Talk to you later.

I saw Josh today... He going to New York City for a week and then going to Boston to live. I'm gonna miss him. I don't really understand why he's doing this. His son is here and he told us that he would never move away from his son. I was in church today and all I wanted to do was cry. I couldn't stop thinking about it. I can't help thinking... What would have happened if I told him? Would he have stayed? Would I have ruined the friendship? Was there a friendship to ruin? When he was over today, I was telling him thinks he should go see in Boston and all I wanted to do is tell him "I love him" and that he should stay. This sucks!!!

I was thinking about it... This is so not where I was suppost to be. In high school, I thought at this point in my life I'd be living in New York city, singing in night clubs and trying to make it as a writer. What the hell happened??? I realized somthing the other day. My favorite poem "The road not taken" by Robert Frost. I have to clear something up here... I'm not one of those people who claim this is their fav. because they have never read/understood anyother poem. But I really love this poem and have been reading his poems for years. Ok now that that's out of the way. I realized... I took the road that everyone takes. I've done what I'm suppost to do. And I'm in a feild the has very little creative aspects to it. I hate this...

name: Katherine nicknames: Kat, Katerini sex: Female birthdate: Aug. 8th, 1982 current residence: Albany, NY hair color: Alburn height: 5'6" writing hand: right random... do you bite your nails: no can you roll your tongue: yes can you raise one eyebrow at a time: no can you blow smoke rings: I'm not very good at it can you blow spit bubbles:I've never tried can you cross your eyes: yes colored hair: All the time. piercings and where: Nose, Tougue, five on each ear lob and one top of left ear. which shoe goes on first: I think left speaking of shoes, thrown one at someone: Only my sister how much money is usually in your wallet: 13 dollars what jewelery do you wear: My ear rings and sometimes necklaces sexiest on a guy: Blue eyes and strong shoulders and back how many cereals are in your cabinet: 1 what utensils do you use when eating pizza: Fork and knife how often do you brush your teeth: twice a day when I remeber at night how often do you shower/bathe: Mostly everyday how long do these showers last: 10-30min hair drying method: towel do you paint your nails: My toes all the time, my fingers only when I feel like it. do you mumble to yourself: Not usually out loud do you burp in public: I try not to person you talk most on the phone with: Collette or Caity what color is your bedroom: white do you use an alarm clock: If I don't I won't get up name one thing or person you're obsessed with: Jason Lee (I love him) window seat or aisle: neither I hate flying, but I do it if I have to what's your sleeping position: I toss and turn alot what kind of bed do you like: Something no too hard in hot weather do you use a blanket: I start off with one but I usually kick it off the bed do you snore: Maybe do you sleepwalk: no do you talk in your sleep: Maybe lights on or off: off do you fall asleep with the tv or radio on: While I'm in the dorm that TV is on... but usually no last time you... watched bambi: I don't remember cried: Couple days ago talked on the phone: around 7pm read a book: I looked up gradschools in a book about a half an hour ago punched someone: 3rd grade who are you gonna be married to and where: no idea, no idea. how many kids do you want to have: 2 your profession: YWCA front desk person - -right/now- - Current Clothes: Blue paris shirt and Kakis with blue poka doted flip flops Current Mood: tired Current Taste: minty fresh Current Make-Up: nothing Current Hair Style: messy bun Current Annoyance: The stupid Freshman Current Smell: nothing Current Thing You SHOULD be Doing: Homework or looking for grad schools Current Desktop Picture: It's a school computer... so school stuff Current Book: Graduate Study in Psychology 2005 American Psychological Association Current CD in Player: CHINGGIS Current DVD in Player: Finding Neverland - -this/or/that- - Rock/Rap: rock Pop/Rap: pop Rap/R & B: R&B Rock/Metal: rock Pop/Rock: Rock Linkin Park/Limp Bizkit: LP Tool/Korn: KoRn Selena/Jennifer Lopez: Selena Hot/Cold: hot Winter/Summer: summer Spring/Fall: Spring Shakira/Britney Spears: Shakira Black/White: black Orange/Red: red Yellow/Green: green Purple/Pink: Purple Inside/Outside: Outside Weed/Alcohol: alcohol Cell Phone/Pager: cell Pen/Pencil: pen Powerpuff Girls/Charlies Angels: Charlies Angels Scooby Doo/Dino: scooby doo Pink/Gwen: Pink Tattoo/Piercing: both Prep/Punk: Punk Slut/Whore: Slut - -the/last/questions- - How many people have you kissed?: I have no idea maybe 7 or 8 How many hearts have you broken?: I don't know How many people have broken your heart?: a couple Do you pick people by their looks / personality (be honest): Both, but they have to have a good personality they don't have to be cute Have you ever kissed one of your friends (JUST a friend)?: yes Are you a vegetarian?: Sort of I only eat fish

Well, So much has happened... I caught Josh sleeping with a girl while we were dog sitting together. So, I have pretty much given up hope for anything to happen with that. I still love him, but what can I do? I went on a date with that kid Doug and it was so nice we went walking on the blv. and held hands and it was so sweet. But now he's not really talking to me and of course he has a girlfriend. Yesterday, we (Collette, Eli, Josh, Gillian, and I) were up in the Lake George area. They got a camp site so I came up and visited them. Me, Collette, and Eli, went fishing I just walked in the water and played with the dog. We went back to the camp site were Josh and Gillian were. We all hate her. See is just so negitive and boyish and easy and flirty with everyone besides Josh. We were going to go to Lake George to see the fireworks but Gillian was like why don't you go to Carenth inside? So we went there and it turns out they aren't doing them until next week. So we had kinda a sucky 4th. But we are gonna come back next week and pretend that was the fourth. Hopefully Gillian won't come.

I don't know. I'm so messed up. This guy back home (who always hits on me) wants me to go to the Cape with him. And I want to go. And I think it would be fun to be taken out. Trust me it's been awhile!!! But I love Josh. and also the kid from back home wants to come up and visit and stay a few days. Which means sleeping over. Is it really weird that I feel like I'd be cheating on Josh even though he doesn't even know I like him? I am so stupid. I should just go have a good time with Doug and see what happens. So I'm going home on Sat. Seeing my friend's show then I'm coming back to Albany on Sunday to work and go to school on Monday then I'm going back home on Monday night, and I have to be back in Albany by Thursday morning to dog sit for Collette's mom. It's acually not fair, this whole dog sitting thing. I said I'd do it, but I thought it was going to be in July. They didn't even tell when they were going until this morning. and now Collette's mom is like "well... do you really have to go home?" I'm like "yeah". But while I dog sit Josh will be there too, to help out. I'm so mixed up. That would be 6 day's alone with Josh. What's a girl to do?

Well, My job is so flipping boring I want to shoot myself in the head. Basically I answer the phone and sign in visitors. It only gets interesting when the resedent we have that is a hooker, tells me about her life. and when I say interesting I mean gross and I want to puke. Now that that's out of the way. i have no air conditioning in my dorm so I wake up in a pool of sweet every morning. and I have troble breathing. I miss my dad. I'm going home next week from Wed. to Fri. But it's not enough. But what can I do I have to work on Sat and class gets out on Wed. And also.... Chinggis is playing on Saturday and I can't go!!!!! Well I have to work Sat. morning and sunday night. So if I wanted to spend alot in gas I could go see them. And I could bring my housemates cause I have to come back anyway. On to other news, I've been talking to a guy I met online at hotornot.com (my housemate, Marie, talked me into it. She met her boyfriend that way) He's cute, he's from Upstate NY. He is in the milatry. He was stationed in Africa for 7 months and has been back for 3 months. I'm not usually into this online thing, but who knows?

I start work tonight. We had a talk and she's going to pay me 7 dollars/hour. It's ok. It's really not what I was hoping for but it's ok. I'm nervious. I think she might be leaving me alone this weekend. That would be insaine. I'm working today from 4-8 and on Thursday from 9pm-1am. They think that's enough training to leave me alone? We'll see what happens.

Why is there no air conditioning in the computer lab??? Anyway, today was fun. We went to Collette's dad's house and sang karioki (ok so I can't spell but I know you know what I mean) I sang Wild World by Cat Stevens, Me and Collette did the Shoop Shoop song by Cher with me doing lead, and I sang the country song Strawberry Wine. Of course that song was entirly for the benifit of Josh because he loves country. And he was raving about how well I did it too. He sang Desperado by the Eagles it was so awesome. I wore a skirt!!! For those of you who know me this is a really big deal. I hate skirts. I only wair them for weddings and job interveiws. But everyone was telling me how cute I looked so that was nice. I'll find out tomorrow if they are acually going to offer me what I'm worth at the job. I hate this I have like no money but I would take this low paying job. Does that make no sense. Well I have to go it's 10pm, I have class at 8am and I still haven't done my homework.

Well, I went for a job interveiw yesterday at the YWCA. It's a place that educates the comunity about women's issues and houses women in need. I would be a receptionist and deal with the issues the women who live there have with getting jobs and making doctors appointments and stuff. Well, I got the job and they wanted me to start today. It sounds good like I could get some real experience with people going through things. But their only paying me 6 dollars an hour. I've been out of work for a long time and I've been ok. Also, when I work back home one week would be equal to a whole month working at this place and it's an easier job. I called the lady back and I told her my issue with the money situation and she said that on Monday she will talk to her supervisor and ask what they can do about it. And that Josh situation... I'm giving up hope. When Collette was gone him and I were close and we talked all the time about some really deep stuff. And now she's back and I feel like I'm not there. I don't think the like eachother or anything. I know that she is happy and in love with Eli. But I just feel so invisable when she's around. Right now I'm waiting for them to call me and tell me what park they're going to so I can meet up with them. They told me not to meet her at her mom's because they'd be gone by then. That was like an hour ago. I could have gone to clifton Park and back by now.

Me and Josh have been spending sooo much time together. We made dinner and talked on Thurdays night and we had coffee yesterday. We spent hours together just talking. I am reaching him on a level that few people ever get the chance to do. He is very shy and very quiet and doesn't let many people in. He's let me in. He was talking to Collette about how he thinks he'll never get a girlfriend because he's "old and has a kid". And Collette told him that if she wasn't dating his brother, he'd be her second choise. And she also told him that I would go out with him too. And he said, "You and Kat are special". Meaning me and Collette. I don't get it. If he thinks I'm special and if he trusts me so much, why won't he be with me? Collette told me I should focus on the things I do have with him, instead of the things that I don't. I'm one of the only people he feels comfortable with. But why do I always have to be the friend?!?!?!? I AM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT!!! Today I went to the movies with Collete, Eli, Collette's sister, Her boyfriend, and their mom. I felt like I was her mom's date. (Josh was suppost to go but could go so late, because he works in the morning) I can't do this anymore. I am so sick of this. I haven't had a boyfriend in a year and a half. It's patially my own fault. I got so FUCKED UP, after the whole Frankie thing. I decided not to deal with men for a while. I don't feel like talking anymore.