Me and Josh have been spending sooo much time together. We made dinner and talked on Thurdays night and we had coffee yesterday. We spent hours together just talking. I am reaching him on a level that few people ever get the chance to do. He is very shy and very quiet and doesn't let many people in. He's let me in. He was talking to Collette about how he thinks he'll never get a girlfriend because he's "old and has a kid". And Collette told him that if she wasn't dating his brother, he'd be her second choise. And she also told him that I would go out with him too. And he said, "You and Kat are special". Meaning me and Collette. I don't get it. If he thinks I'm special and if he trusts me so much, why won't he be with me? Collette told me I should focus on the things I do have with him, instead of the things that I don't. I'm one of the only people he feels comfortable with. But why do I always have to be the friend?!?!?!? I AM SO SICK OF THIS SHIT!!! Today I went to the movies with Collete, Eli, Collette's sister, Her boyfriend, and their mom. I felt like I was her mom's date. (Josh was suppost to go but could go so late, because he works in the morning) I can't do this anymore. I am so sick of this. I haven't had a boyfriend in a year and a half. It's patially my own fault. I got so FUCKED UP, after the whole Frankie thing. I decided not to deal with men for a while. I don't feel like talking anymore.