I'm so tired of life right now. I'm sick of how things have happened. And the most devastating thing of all is that I'm the only one at fault. It's not even fault; fault implies carelessness or some kind of silly accident, but I knew exactly what I was doing. One does control their own destiny. I'm tired of being selfish and hurting the people that I love for my own cheap thrills. They're not even worth it. I keep putting myself in these incredibly hurtful relationships and situations. You'd think I would stop them for the sake of my own sanity, but I'm so afraid of going completely without. It would be better for me, but ending it always hurts what little confidence I have, what little worth I feel I have. It's as if the only way I feel I'm functioning is if I'm feeling some kind of confusion or mental anguish. I don't know what do with myself. I feel so shitty. I've said this before, but I hurt the only person thats ever really loved me for some pretty boy. I let my dog die for that cheap thrill. It's the truth. I'm worthless. I don't know that right now anything or anyone could change my mind. And I'm doing all of this to myself.