HEY MY NAME IS ASHLEE! YOU MAY HAVE BEEN TO MY SITE WWW.SCREAMNSMILE.COM. ITS JUST A SIGHT TO LET OUT ALL OF YOUR FEELINGS OR LISTEN TO HOW OTHER PEOPLE FEEL. IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS OR JUST WANT TO SAY HEY... LEAVE ME A COMMENT WITH YOU EMAIL ADDRESS AND I WILL GET BACK TO YOU. IF YOU HAVE ANY POETRY OR STORIES TO SUBMIT EMAIL THEM TO ME AT lil_shorty819@yahoo.com. DONT WORRY YOU WOANT BOTHER ME! i WILL GET AHOLD OF YOU! TAKE CARE! LOVE MISS ASHLEE

So i have yet made another change in p lans... if u read any of my other entries you will realize i move alot. Most recently i was driving home from my boyfriends house and somehow ended up at my mothers house. I havent seen her in 6 mo nths and i just showed up at her door like HEY MOM IM HOME! What was i doing there? I had no idea i just drove and this is where i ended up. Was it a good idea? I didnt know then and I still dont know, the only way i will is if i wait it out. Anyways back to what happened i find my self 90 miles in the opposite directin of which i was supposed to be going on my mothers doorstep. She opened the door and she looked shocked. She asked what i was doing and i said i dont know. Because really, i had no idea what was going on. We got to talking and she finally figured it out, i wanted to move back home. Becasue i honestly i suck at being an adult. I didnt pay my car insurance on time, i lost my job, and didnt know where to go. Man let me tell ya... good thing for parents. My boyfriend was pissed at me for 3 days because i lied to him about losing my job ... and because he didnt want me living at my parents. Then he wanted the car back that he bought... but just til i had a job. of course i tend to be a spoiled brat at times... so hime taking the car until i had a job just wasnt giong to work for me. Well now I am living at my moms, i have my car, my boyfriend and I are great and my mom is about to buy a brnad new house that has an apartment attached to it , so that andrew and I can live with her until we both have new jobs and I am done with school, and we can get up on our feet. And when i say school, i mean college. Well thats all for now ! buh bye

Well hey there... to anyone and everyone. Her i am sitting at my second day at college. Is it excitng you ask? NO IT FUCKING AINT! I am bored as hell and all my books havent came yet so i am stuck in computer class well everyone does the assignment and i cant. Oh well it happens right? right... so last night my aunt and i had a bit of a falling out with eachother. her digital cam got broke , hardly broke, it is still usable... but it is broke. anyways, apparently i was the one who broke it, atleast according to her and my uncle. and upon deciding i was the one who broke it they also decided that i am no wbecoming very secretive because i am always in my room. I dont think they realize that um i am in my room at night when i am getting ready for bed. From about 9pm until i go to bed i am usually in my room watching t.v. and talking to andrew. i usually get out of work around 7 or 8. and i leave for work int he morning. so as you can imagine that doesnt leave much time for hanging out with the fam. especially because lately after work i am completely beat. I am NOT being secretive i am being tired and cranky. There for i am a bit unsociable and so i cant prevent form pissing people off by being bitchy i just go in my room and catch some zzzz's. but nope now-a-days that is called BEING SECRETIVE. Excuse me for thinking that that is B.S. Oh and apparently i am always on their cell phones. well you see they get free mins after 9... and andrew never get to talk until night time.... so when we finally get to talk we are on the phone for about an hour. by the time i get off the phone i want to go to bed so i can get up early. But in my aunt and uncles eyes cell phone use + being in bedroom + being quiet = BEING SECRETIVE AND UNAPPRECIATIVE. Whatever... i guess i just have to give into their shit and 'try harder.' as if i am not trying hard enough. I am working as much as i can, meaning that i pick up as many hours as possible. Go to school 2 days a week from 130 pm -830 pm. And i babysit quite a few night out of the week. All so that i can pay for my uncle to get his truck fixed because i put a dent in it. but i am unappreciative. Man i am always ahappy person but this women always bitching at me about something is startin to get to me. Apparently i am not good enough for anyone. and they all think i am just like my mother. Oh yea and who would watch their kids when they are both working third shift for free, if i wasnt there? oh yea, NO ONE! okay enough bitching. On a happier note my fabulous daddy is paying off all of my fines for me this week and isnt having me pay him back until January which is great. I just love him. And another thing, only a few months until andrew moves down here and we get our apartment. I miss him a ton and i am trying so hard to fix everything i screwed up. And he is trying to take care of all his stuff so he can move down here... well thats about it... drop me acomment

so things are getting so much better now. and i am loving it. well besides the fact i bashed in the side of my uncles truck by hitting a van and i am in trouble for leaing the scene of an accident. other than that everything is pretty great. andrew and i are doing pretty good... working on our great love for eachother. i no longer live with my ignoratn mother. and i finally have a new job. oh yea and i am starting colege to become a medical assisstant. i just wish i knew thing were gonna stay this way. sometimes they just seem too good to be true.

hello this is my new favorite song! DOWNLOAD THIS SHIT! WE CAN WORK IT OUT the beatles Try to see it my way, Do I have to keep on talking till I can't go on? While you see it your way, Run the risk of knowing that our love may soon be gone. We can work it out, We can work it out. Think of what you're saying. You can get it wrong and still you think that it's alright. Think of what I'm saying, We can work it out and get it straight, or say good night. We can work it out, We can work it out. Life is very short, and there's no time For fussing and fighting, my friend. I have always thought that it's a crime, So I will ask you once again. Try to see it my way, Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong. While you see it your way There's a chance that we may fall apart before too long. We can work it out, We can work it out. Life is very short, and there's no time For fussing and fighting, my friend. I have always thought that it's a crime, So I will ask you once again. Try to see it my way, Only time will tell if I am right or I am wrong. While you see it your way There's a chance that we may fall apart before too long. We can work it out, We can work it out

Im at school right now. IT sucks to cause i am so ready to leave. But go figure i dont have the car. Mike and andrew do cause they wanted to go downstate while i was at school. They said they would be back in time to get me. Which would be at 7. Right now it is 6 and they just left lapeer. IT takes 2 hours to get from there to here. YOu do the math. There is no way in hell that they are going to make it back in time. Fucking retards. THats what happens when u put two potheads together. They are so unreliable. I hate them both right now. You give em a time be somewhere and they are late, whether it is 2 minutes or 2 hours. They are ALWAYS late. Moms in jail so it isnt like she i there to be reliable. I have to hope that they actually remember what is going on. Whatever though... what a bunch of dumb fucks. God i am just so pissed. I want to go home. Sitting here in front of this computer is doing no one any good. Plus i get to look like an idiot... Whatever though. So i met this kid at school. His name is josh... and he is really cool. I think he would be fun to hang out with. It was so funny cause when he walked in he was like arent my shoes sexy.. and i looked over they were covered in blood i was like WTF? and he was like yea i killed a deer last night. I got proof. I was like that is sick as shit. But still funny. Then he stole my phone and took off with it. I was like hey where dou think u r going with that. He was like to take pics. so i let him. And he came and he was all like hey i did it myself and i looked up and he had taked a pic of himself on my phone sucking on a straw. He was like it looks dumb huh? i was like naw its a keeper. I think he likes me but i dont know... he acts like it though. and he is just adorable. I wouldnt date him though because i have a bf whom i love alot. but if i were single iw ould be all over it... i think. haha So now i have 50 more mins to be in this place. WOOHOO. not. time is going by so slow. Can u tell? i just keep rambling on thinking maybe next time i look out the window the idiots will be here ot pick me up. *looks out the window* nope still no here. Fuckin dumb asses well im gonna see if there is anything better to do with my time. bye ash

Yes, so today we had macho volleyball at school, its spirit week. That was fun. And tomorrow is willy wonka day. I am totally pumped Jes and I are so gonna dress up as oompa loompas. Does this make you happy? I know it makes me happy! I havnt typed in this bad lad in forever. I should be doing my note cards for senior project... but i am? No I am not, here I am typing away. I was looking at some of my past entries and they make me sick. I was pathetic and very unhappy. I can't see why I let myself get that way. Now I am a very happy person and life is going just great. It is amazing what finding a best friend and a little bit of a light at the end of a tunnel can do. I look back at the past few years and it has all gone b y so fast. here I am a senior in higschool already. It seems like just yesterday i was partying my little toosh of with random people i hardly knew, cause i had just moved up here. and now i have a serious, wonderful boyfriend, a wonderful best friend, and I am about to go to colleg.e. where the hell has time gone? yes tell me that, where has it gone? I am so happy that i made it through all these years. If you read through some of my past entries you will realize i have been through hell and back. And here I am now tougher than ever and happy as can be. Life is good what more could i ask for. Andrew and I are doing wonderful. we love eachother so much. Yes we still fight here and there... but we have grown into something great. We learned to except eachothers differences and to give eachother respect. And now things go oh so smoothly. and as for my best friend jesica potter... well i finally found a friend who is like me... who really gets my ditzyness and can deal with me. I love her and i love my boyfriend. SENIORS '06! WOO WOO!

Friends come and go but you are here to stay You make me smile and laugh when things arent quite okay I used to be your enemy atleast thats what you thought you pushed me away but for a friendship, i still fought I seen something inside of you that no one else could see I saw the beautiful person that i knew you could be Your days were filled with darkness you had no will to live My heart was filled with love and i had some extra to give So even when you cried I kept you by my side Even when you ran from me to hide what was inside there was more to you then what you would show i saw a i soul that i wanted to know I will admit you were a toughy i mean harder than that girl that they call buffy Now i know what youre about and who you are I smile cause i know we have come so far

Hello.. so i am VERY cranky today! I just want to scream!I have had like 2 chocolate milkshakes and i still dont feel any better. Maybe listening to some punk rock will make me happy! I am not quite sure. This has not been a very good day. So this morning i was in a dandy mood, cause i felt cute and j potter was wearing a jumper and it made me laugh. But then right before aerobics i got the worst cramps in the entire world, they made me cry. I felt like my ovaries were under attack. and then i couldnt dress for aerbics asnd i was very bumbed. Then Jes's little freshman buddy pissed me off cause he was being a little jerk. He just had an attitude with me about everything and kept calling me a bitch for no reason. so i left the lunch table cause h really upset me. Then come to find out this chick that i completely made my life hell last year has come back from hell straight to our school, i am not ready for this. Hopefully she just minds her own business and knows her place in the world. Far away from my world. She doesnt belong here. I mean i am sure isnt such a bad person now, but i want nothing to do with her and i want her to have nothing to do with anyone i know. I am perfectly happy without her in my life. WHY DID SHE HAVE TO COME BACK! Okay and my best buddy, J potter, is leaving on firday for florida and isnt coming back for 10 days. This week just pretty much SUCKS! and it upsets me a ton! Oh well hopefully it gets better. I am just so super cranky! Oh well, what can you do! Maybe i can sleep all of this off.

THE QUESTIONS THAT NO-ONE ASKS, AND SOME THEY DO...Created by natalieclaire and taken 283 times on bzoink!Do you ever lick glass?noIs your phone on the charger?noIs your phones battery running low?probablyWhat is your name?AshleeAge?16Sex?all the time... jk...FemaleDo you like to party?hell yeaIs it cold over there?its mildy warmWhere do you live?i forgotDo you smell bad or good?super goodHave you taken out the garbage?not lately..What is your favourite question?paper or plastic?Would you ever prostitute yourself?YES....i mean no lolHave you ever been abused by a loved one?yesThis includes emotional abuse...of courseDo you love yyour family?yeaWhy?cause theyre my family...DUHDo you have broadband?huh?Capitals or lower case?capitalWhats the difference between a drug dealer and a prostitutei ve never met a prostituteHave you ever fucked a prostitute?look at the last questionDo you smoke like its going out of fashion?sometimesAlcohol and drugs?Alcohol...hell yea... drugs... depends what you consider drugs.Are you thirsty?now that you mention it..Whats your grandfathers name?TommyWhats your best friends name?delete this questionDo you have a penis?not last time i chekced...would you like one?haha... i cant believe that was a questionAre you a loser?nawWhy do you take these silly surveys anyway?cause nicoles dumbass is sleeping and im boredYAY! QUESTION 31!yes!Do you use the tab button?yeaDo you type fast?i think soDo you say whatever comes into your head?yea... it gets me in troubleDo you like the smell of lawn clippings?uhhhhhhhhWhat is you fucking problem?I JUST WOKE UP!Are you a whingy little teenage fuck?sometimesWhat would you buy with 3 dollars and 50 cents?nothin.. i would save it til i got another dollar fifty so then i had 5Is it legal for you to drink?alcohol...no... anything else..yesDo you ever hold it when you need to urinate?sometimesWhats your stool like?WHAT!?!?!How are you?aliveWhy are you hitting me?cause I canWhy do I ask stupid questions?cause you canBounty, Mars or Smarties?SmartiesHave you ever screamed out the wrong name while being fucked?lol..no ...but that would be funnyWhats your eye color?hazelyes....nooooooooo...describe your feet in three words.......small..clean... whiteAre we there yet?tomorrowHow many of these surveys have you done anyway?a fewFavourite position( EXCLUDING DOGGIE, so predictable...)reverse cowgirl...lolDo you do this "......" all the time?nooAre you a bit silly?alwaysWill you please pour me a drink?no... fuck thatGotta light?yupWhere can we get on?.........to the leftI dont want to drive too far.......I willTell me about the last time you stayed in a motel...my mom works at one what do you think?When did you last have sex?Monday night i believeDo you like the word "penetration"?its oddNearly done, Whats your ideal poo?huh?Whats your msn so I can add you? (just kidding!)lil_miss06@hotmail.comHow often do you use the refresh button?dont keep trackWill you please go out with me? I am such a desperate loser.....lolCreate a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

Measure Your Fears - Would You, Wouldn't You, You DidCreated by beindthecurtain and taken 8410 times on bzoink!Pet a snakehaveSpend a week in an empty roomwouldn'tRide in a hot-air balloonhaveSky divewant toSing in front of a huge audiencefuck thatscuba divewant toSit in the front seat of a roller coasterhaveDeliver a babywouldSwim across the Amazon Rivernope...not gonna happenChange careerswhat career?Disappear for a long period of timewouldWalk through the forest alone at nighthmm..noJoin a space missionpossiblyTell everyone what you honestly think of themmost of the time i doCall off your weddingIm not getting marriedWalk naked through New York City for 10 minutes during rush houryea... i dont like clothes anywaysWalk up to Mike Tyson and call him a girlhehe...thats cuteDisarm a bombif i was in the moodCLean the outside windows of a skyscraperuhhhh...Draw a mustache on the Mona Lisa with a permanent markerlol...no ... but itd be funny if someone didGo on tour with ElvisnahGo swimming during a thunder stormhavePreform surgury on your best friendi dunnoCreate a Survey | Search Surveys | Go to bzoink!

Behind those eyes there's a truth i avoid of something thats gone of a feeling thats void I try to deny it As Im running away away from my fears as they memories still fade Lying to myslef Its stopping the pain Its up to me now to stop the rain Saving myslef is beyond your control Im too far gone now Im not even whole I will just keep telling myself its okay there's a reason for being til my heart decays. THIS ISNT MY BEST I KNOW...But i need an opinion

YOu tell me that you love me Theres a fire in your eyes Not a fire of love but a reminder of all your lies Played me for the fool only im the one who knows how the game is played I know all the rules You think Im just a girl who doesnt have a clue who loves you unconditionally who thinks our love is true the story lies beyond this for a bout a million miles I have nothing more than a million broken smiles Beat me with your ego YOu know it gets to me But what does it matter When your the only one who sees? See's the power that you hold is just way to cope with all the pain you hold inside of a past of all lost hopes Okay this isnt done yet but tell me what you think okay?

Take the quiz: "What should your nick name be?"shortyyour loud and your proud.. and u hate your parents Wow...that nickname fits me so well...

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY! Yup so andrew and I are both broke so... well we arent really celebrating valentines day. Which is okay. I did get him some stuff but thats cause my mom helped me out. If it wasnt for her i wouldnt have been able to. So thats why i dont expect anything from him. He does enough for me on a daily basis. We will probably spend time together though. Which is always good, considering the fact we have been very busy lately and havnt got to spend much time together. It works out nicely i suppose. WIlliam is moving to mississippi in a few days and i am very bummed about it. I am going to miss him terribly. He is like a bro to me. Definitely one of my best guy friends. HE is always there when i gotta talk to someone. And i know that we only share platonic love for eachother so i dont have to worry about him trying to get in my pants, plus he is andrews best friend. Andrew is moving back into his moms, which is where i live now. That is going to be very akward. WE have never lived in the same house and i am very nervous. I dont know how well its goign to work. I just hope we get along and know when to give eachother space. I just dont want to be too clingy and i tend to do taht sometimes. I think it will all work. We have both matured quite a bit and can work things out as adults. I am very anxious right now, every valentines day my dad sends me flowers, and i havent got them yet. It makes me wonder... will i get htem this year. I hope i do because they always make me very very happy. I get outta school in about a 1/2 hr though... so i dont know. WEll Talk to yall later. loves ashlee

Unnoticed Pain When clutching my head, and dragging my knuckles across the ceramic floor wasn't enough to escape your abuse, I threw myself on concrete and prayed I would drown in blood. Quiet and unnoticed But even that didn't work. My body was a painting of your destructive results, and my shame and pain added the final touch. Because then I was too weak to spill myself to the ones I love. Because then nothing else mattered but you but I but us. Now I no longer have the strength to carry on your burden. No longer will I risk everything I have lost all over again. I grow sick looking at these wounds we have both given me. And I cry every night because one year with you got me a contract with the devil. I'll rip our hearts apart and from the scattered pieces I'll quickly pick up my remains.

I hide ( by: Ashlee Nicole) I Wish I could explain to you The thoughts I hold Inside Pain and Anger All the things that I deny The reason I lie awake at night and the reason that I cry Words can't explain the scars that I hold inside Covering my face to hide the shame wearing a mask to hide the pain I keep you safe from my reality I keep you safe from my own fatality One day youll see beyond my phonines In the mean time i mourn my loneliness I dont what do So I do what you expect me to I hide...

Okay so i am in a better mood now. Everything is all worked out now. Everyone understands eachother now and everyone is happy. Atleast for the time being. On the other hand, winter carnival is tomorrow and I am not sure whether i am going to go or not. Cause really no one is going and well... what would be the point in going. I would much rather go to my lovely boyfriends house and spend time with him and get all wasted. SOunds alot better than a dance that no one will be at. Well there will be people, but i dont know. Jes is gonna be in florida and so ... she wont be there. I mean its only a dance right? I love geting all dressed up and beautiful though, reallly i do. Ahhh i will fiugre it out tomorrow. Well I am gonna go and tackle andrew... later

My Window I sit here at my window Staring at these souls Children laughing People crying At what their future holds Yet still I am alone In this dark room of mine Shadows creeping Tears are seeping Have I reached the final line These laughing figures They haunt me so Hurting me Hating me And I don’t want to know Cold sneaking through this window Numbing my hands just me Pain is freezing Fear is leaving So dead I cannot see Yet I still feel this hurt As they laugh in my face Their voices haunting Their laughter stalkig Its something I cant replace I sit here at my window Now I long to die I slit my wrists And have these fits This is my last tryy Look beyond my smile, maybe you'll see my scars deep within... says: wow, i really like that Alone here at my window My soul begins to fade Slowly going Ever knowing Of the choices I’ve made And here at my window My body stays alone Blood is stopping Left with nothing Dead within my home... Look beyond my smile, ma

So apparently everyone hates me living here over at andrews... his sister, his mom, his brother. So why the hell are they letting me live hre? I mean if it is such a big deal. They say that i am taking advantage of it! How? hello, i hardly eat any of their food, i clean, i cook, i help when i can. And I dont bother anyone i mind my own business. And i never ask for anything,not even their cars. I find my own ways to get places. And they still seem to manage to find things to bitch about. And apparently I am just a bitch. Shane says i have changed a ton since the last couple years and that now i am just a bitchy prep! Hello , i am not. Just because I am not a pothead like the rest of them... I am sorry i have more goign for me then a bong and an eight of weed. Fuck that. I actually have a ife. I mean i have no prblems with potheads, but they shouldnt have a problem with me NOT being a pothead. I am sorry but, i did it for long enough, i think i have plenty of reason to not do it anymore. I AM TRYING TO GET MY LIFE STRAIGHT! Does this mean anything to anyone? apparently not... If they have a prblem with me why cant they just tell me to my face. Now i get to sit here and look at these people every day knowing they dont like me living here and watching them pretend to like it and faking smiles and pretty much just pissing me off. Do they think this is all funa nd games for me? well iits not... I am not used to not having my mo m and i dont have her here so i a suffering just as much as them. FUCK THIS! I am about fed up with everyones shit!