I speak to you in riddles ‘Cause my words get in my way Smoke the whole thing to my head And feel it wash away ‘Cause I can’t take any more of this I want to come apart And dig myself a little hole Inside your precious heart I can’t sleep. I took Katey’s “No Doze” pill to stay up and do homework, but I don’t want to. I am going to die tomorrow in school. But I was lying down with this “Staind” song on (quote from it above) and I started to think about Cory. Like EVERYTHING! And I really hate that we aren’t friends anymore. He promised me that nothing would change. That we would still be BFF’s, just see other people. It’s like he died. I know that may sound weird but that is a very accurate comparison. I can’t talk to him no matter how much I want to. I don’t see him. All that I have left is memories. I love my memories of us, but they just hurt too much. I wish they would just go away till I’m okay again. IF I’m ever okay again. I convinced myself for the longest time that I was over him, that I could do better, That I WANTED better. But the truth is, I still love him SO much. If he asked me to take him back, I would in a heart beat. But I know that won’t happen. He doesn’t even think about me anymore. Of all boys to steal my heart, why this one? No one could understand how much I wanted to run up to him at the mall when I saw him and give him a hug and a kiss and apologize for everything bad that I did or said that pushed him away from me. To tell him that I still love him so much and that I didn’t ever want anything bad to happen to us again. That I still get butterflies every time I hear his name or see him. But I didn’t. I just sat there holding back tears, KNOWING that he is happier without me in his life. KNOWING that he no longer wants or needs me in his life, that he’s moved on and is happy when my heart aches for him to love me in return. Why do I do this to myself? I was finally happy and okay with everything in my life then I had to go and think about him. When will this stop hurting? When will I be able to forget him and successfully move on? Will I ever be able to love again? “Here I stand, with everything to loose, all I know is that I don’t want to ever see the end. So baby please, I’m reaching out to you; won’t you open up your heart and let me come back in? Lets be us again.” Song of my life! I just want to feel okay again, with things they way they were. WHY DID HE HAVE TO TELL ME HE HAS NO FEELING FOR ME?? I’m just so lost and I don’t know what to do! Right now I would be happy just being his friend, at least we would talk and see each other and be there for each other…