Barack Obama is now the President of the United States of America. =] Time for change. one day I'll update for real.

shit. I was doing good with writing in here again. I don't know what happened. I'm so lazy to write. I guess since I was writing papers in school again I didn't want to do it here too. I've noticed that..reading and writing soo much in school makes me not want to do it outside of school. A shitload has happened. I'm 19 now. I have a new job at Benihana which was supposed to open like a month ago but still isnt ready so i've been doing training for weeeeeeks. Its not bad so far, though. Still don't talk to mario or jorge, although I did decide to call them both when I was drunk. But mario didnt answer and i coudlnt use the phone card for jorge. That was a good time getting drunk...my first REAL time. It was on thanksgiving. It was me, ryan, greg hermack, and a bottle of green apple smirnoff sitting around the fire at ryans. oh was that a good time. things with edgar have been all over the place. good, bad, inbetween. I'm not even going to bother explaining that. I believe thats all I am going to write for now. Who knows when I write again. 161 days until summer. January 5th i leave for mexico! I still have no motivation for school. all done, love.

Well, I don't really have anything to write about. Not much has been going on. But since it is my last day as an eighteen year old, I figured I would update. Really basically the same old shit. Edgar likes me, I still don't like him in the same way, but I send the wrong signs cause I'm an idiot. I still like Jorge and Mario, but haven't talked to either of them. Although I was a creeper and blocked my number and called mario just to hear him say hi. Paul likes me, or says he does anyway. I get a text from him every day. I applied to Lady Foot Locker on Monday, but I haven't heard anything back yet. I applied to Pizza Hut last night, and they said the guy that hires isn't working until tuesday. It seems like I will get the job though. That is going to be one sucky job. Oh well..its a paycheck. I really don't have too much to say here. Next time I write, I will be 19 years old, though! October 6, 1989 at 8:04am. El Fin. P.S. Listen to Don Henley's the heart of the matter lyrics.

The lyrics to that song are good. Listen to them. Just so you know, I don't feel like writing this right now, but I figured I really should update. So here I am.. Well, we will start with Edgar. So I hung out with him the day before he left. sex. hugs. kisses. talks. walks. pictures. pizza. There were a lot of tears at first, but then we just had a good time. It was a genuinely happy thing for us to just be with each other. We just ignored that it would be the last time. His plane left at 3am. At 5am, I got a text. It said "I can't do it heather, I can't do it." -Edgar. Now that woke me up, and I was just like whatttt? So i sent him a text saying "what do you mean?" and he responded with cris is so mad and that he is going back to his house in seaside. He said he was nervous. I went over the next day. I told him I didn't like his decision to stay mainly because of me. I told him I really hope he is happy here and doesn't regret staying. Later, he told me how its about $3,000 to come here. He told me about crossing the border and all the busses and two days of walking and being separated from people and lack of water and food and everything. It sounded horrible. That at least made me understand why he could not come back if he left. We're going to hang out again tomorrow. I have no shcool, he has no work. It should be a good day. Oh, and that wednesday morning, I was asleep when my phone started ringing. I answered. It was...Luis. Crazy, right? I was just like..ummmm hi? But it was nice talking to him again. He was totally normal and not like Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou creeppppyyy. He said he thought I would be in school, and was suprised I answered. He also said he would call next wednesday. That is tomorrow, so we'll see. School? So I forgot to mention in my previous entry another bad part of my bad week. I went all the way to englih class, my first class of th day, and went to get our first ever essay that was due out, and realized my notebook was at home. So I had to run home to get that, and then was late for class. I handed in my essay and tried to complete the assignment (reflections #1) that everyone else was doing. I didn't have time to finish, so I only got a 4. That whole morning sucked. Luckily I got a 6+ (best possible) on my next reflection. The next class went better, though. I got my essay back. A+!!! First essay in college, and its an A+. Haha obviously I wrote about Jimbo's as something that impacted my life. lol but I messed up the good morning on my way to my next class. I fell up the stairs and cracked my toenail. Oh well...nobody is perfect.. Oh, and Tyler Clark. He sorta reminds me of someone erin would talk to. He's a little out there. But he's in my history class, and somehow found me on myspace. He sent me a message about studying for the test, so we did in the library. He's pretty cool, but now he keeps texting me to hang out. I'm getting fat. I need to fix this immediatly. 153 pounds. Okay, shower and bed. Then to Edgar's in the am. All done ::edit:: I forgot to update about mario..not that it is important..but I can't just get over him. I know he's no good and all.. Anyway, I haven't talked to him since that night. He came into Jimbo's on Sunday. I wouldn't look at him. I stood away by myself with my back faced to him the entire time. After he left, he sent a text that said "Hola solo quiero desirte hola header" I sorta wished I talked to him. I'm creepy, I know, but I drive by his house. I think I saw his daughter outside. He's usually home, so clearly he isn't working yet. I saw him driving today too...He was turning onto windsor from coolidge. I was just going straight. I don't know if he saw me or not. I'm assuming it was his wife in the seat next to him. Why am I in this fucked up situation?

Well life ha been going downhill. Especially the past few days. Before I get into it, I would like to point out how I still have no motivation to go to school. Its not that I dislike OCC, its just that I don't understand why I need to learn this stuff. The only class I look forward to is spanish. I gets thats a major sign of what to do with my life. Anyway, Friday night I worked. It was pouring and I really didn't think they were going to have me work, but they did. I had one table the entire night and made a whole five dollars. Edgar sent me a text that day that he didn't want to talk to me anymore because it just makes him sad and he wanted to be happy. But the day before he said he had something important he wanted to talk to me about. So after work we went in my car and parked at te end of grant to talk. He wanted to know about his chance. I told him I didn't know when I would be able to give it to him. I guess thats when he decided he was going back to mexico on wednesday with crispin. I started crying. I didn't want him to leave but I had nothing to say. Eventually he left my car in the pouring rain and walked home. I just started crying harder. I decided to write him a note. It was an entire piece of notebook paper front and back. I basically told him how I felt and how important he was to me. He changed my life. I told him how amazing he was, too. He's smart, athletic, artistic, musical.. Then I explained the chance and how I don't want to give it to him now cause theres still feelings with me and Mario. I wanted to give him a chance when I knew he would be the only guy in my life. When I was done I drove over to his house to drop off the note. I walked up the stairs and the door was open. Him and all the guys in the house were sitting around a table. I threw the note in the door to him and left. I just drove around for about 45 minutes after that. Then Mario called me around 11:30. He was done with work. So i picked him up and drove to the parking lot by cvs where you can see the ocean. When I stopped the car, I just started crying. I reclined the seats like my car does all fancy and just laid there. Mario asked me what was wrong, but when I woudnt answer after a few times he knew to stop. He just laid down next to me and held me. There was some good kisses in there too. Before we left the lot, there was some serious talk. Sitting up now, I asked him why he started something with me. He knew it wouldn't work out. He had a family. He was fucking me over, cheating on his wife, and hurting his family for his daughter. I just kept going, saying that stuff to him. He couldn't answer. He knew I was right. It was 1am when i drove him to his car parked by the empty lot on grant. He just sat there and then said "it's all my fault." I told him it wasn't..I heard he had a family, i just chose not to believe it. It was partly my fault too. He went to get out of the car and then stopped and said give me a hug. He gave me a big hug and actually started crying. I never expected to see him cry. I felt that he truly cared. There was some truly passionate kisses there. They really meant something. He gave me his ring and said to think of him..it was his heart. He then gave me one more kiss, that was supposed to be our last kiss, and left. Sat. morning edgar sent me a text that he wanted to see me. At 2:15 I went to his house. He wanted to know how I changed his life. He said my letter meant a lot to him, but he couldnt believe it unless I could tell him how he changed my life. I couldn't think of anyway to say i, but he really did. I think I convinced him somehow thouhg. I hope he believes me. I ended up kissing him again. What if I do love him, and don't even realize it? After I left and went to work. It was a horrible day to waitress. I got so many horrible tips...like $2. And I wasn't being a bad waitress. I always admit when I am. I felt better to know everyone else was getting sucky tips that day too. After I was done, Mario said to wait around so we could go drink. While I waited I had some of arties hamburger pizza...it was cheese, onions, tomatos, no pzza sauce, pieces of burger, ketchup, and suprisingly good. When Mario was done he bought some modelo and we went to my car. He drove it to Juanitos house where we drank in my car. We talked for a good while, but after my first beer, I needed to pee SO bad. So I got out of the car, but for somereason i ended up going to the drivers side, opened the door, sat on marios lap and kissed him. I don't know why. Then I went between our cars, peed a marathon pee, and went back inside the car. It was all going good. Nice conversation, him picking songs on my ipod, and a few kisses. Then came time to go home. He got out, came to my side and opened my door. We started kissing. Then he reclined my seat and got on top of me. We started dry hmping, wich I enjoyed. I didn't think it would go any further because he knew I coudn't have sex the night before. I had my period. But then he started to unbutton his pants. Next thing i new, he was inside of me. I kept saying stop. I was afraid of what would happen with the tamponalready in there, and it felt wierd. He started going. I said stop the entire time. I was begging him and trying to push him off. He said he couldn't. Finally, when he was done, I told him to get all the beer cans and get out.He did. I gotin the drives side and was ready to go. He stood at the door, staring at me with this look. I told him to go away. I was going home. With the sad look, he eventually listened and went to his car. I sped home. 90mph over the bridge that night. oops. I saw him the next day at work but no eye contact was made. I did my best to ignore him. As I was leaving, he sent me a text saying sorry. I told him he wasnt. hes only sorry because I'm not talking to him. He doesn't care. If he did he would have listened to me and shown some respect. Since then, I haven't seen or heard from him. I'm not sure if I will until next summer, now. I probably will.. And Edgar is leaving. He isn't going to call me or write me or anything. He needs to forget me. And he isn't coming back next summer. So basically I'm losing him forever. I can't handle it. Even just getting a text message from him makes me cry, because I know I'm never going to get one again after wednesday. I just keep crying. Tomorrow I am going over after school to see him for the last time. Its going to be horrible. I'm not going to be able to even look at him without crying. I'm going to miss him. I can't put in words how much, or how I feel. I don't even know what I feel. Is this love? or a trick my mind is playing on me? or is this just an amazing friend I'm losing? I don't know. I just don't want this to be the end.

I went to bed a little before one last night. I recieved a text from Mario at 2:04. It said I love you! 11 times. I recieved another text at 3:16. This one woke me up. It said I love you! just once. I recieved a phone call, wich woke me up and scared the hell out of me, at 3:22. I didn't answer #1, because it was too late for me to feel like talking, and #2, I felt like it was so quiet that my voice would travel through the entire house and everyone would hear. I wonder what he would have said. Ugh. I'm sick. Me and Erin are supposed to go to Lucky Lady. I don't work today because of the hurricane. If Mario is working, I might possibly stop by Jimbo's. That might be a bad idea though. I have no idea what it going to happen. Its not just going to end and be done with.

I broke up with Mario. I really like him, but its not going to work out. First off, he kept talking to brittany, who was in like super flirty mode...actually, she was talking to him. but it bothered me. I don't know why. That of all things was my breaking point. I just needed lemonade, but I ended up writing 'no mas novios' on a recipt on the way back. He tried to grab me to ask why, but missed. Later, I was talking to Karen and felt a tap on my arm. It was him. He asked me if I was serious. I said yes. He asked why, I wrote a list...here it is...not exactly, but here: he doesnt care, he has a wife, he has a kid, he cant leave his family, he doesn't believe/trust me...I feel like I forgot something. Anyway, he actually got upset, which I didn't expect. He went back to his stand, and stood there alone with a sad look on his face. I went over to him later. There wasn't really anything to say..we just sorta stood there with each other. he said "I love you." Later on, he went on break, so when I was done, I did my check out up there and then just sat with him. He said "I know its my fault, but you broke my heart" It sounded like he really meant it. He grabbed my hand, fingers laced, and squeezed. I don't know why, but that means a lot. We were on the last swing outside..It started raining really hard. I believe this is the begininng of hurricane hanna or something. I started crying, and buried myself in him. He hugged me, and said sorry. He cared. He was on break like an hour extra too. He kept asking what I wanted to do, and I said no more novios...not because I wanted that, but because it was what had to happen. He kept saying no no no no, but eventually he realized. He can't have to families, two lives, to girls. The whole situation is so fucked up and bad. I hate it. I miss him, and I just want to be next to him right now. Oh well...thats life. School started too. I have six classes. Monday, Thursday: English with wiemmer. Sarah is in that class with me. The teacher seems like a lot of work, but I like her. She is into what shes doing and makes things interesting and fun. Sociology with woolery. Nobody is here with me. I was excited to go to this class, but she is a boring speaker, and its probably a bad sign that she turned on one of those boring educational dvd things first day.. gym/health with mullen. Learning how to be physically healthy and fit by an obese woman is great. I can't stand this class. Thank god Sarah is there with me. Tuesday, Friday: History with Swanson. I like him. He's easy, simple, and gets the job done. Everythings straight foward, and he doesn't seem too bad to listen to. I don't know anybody in that class. Survey of Mathematics with Grone. She laughs at her own jokes. The black girl is hilarious. Me and Brittany V. will have a good time with this class. Spanish with Karnatski. I think this spanish is going to be too easy for me..but I'm sure there is plenty my teachers forgot to teach me and a review sure couldn't hurt. This class is small, and I don't know anybody, but all the people seem really easy to talk to, and I sorta started to just slightly fit in with the group right away. It was cool. I don't want to be at school. I miss the beach. Its pouring outside. Me and Erin are going to Lucky Lady tomorrow. 40% off. I like the rain. I want to go outside. Still, I'm wishing Mario was next to me. I don't know why I fall for the wrong guys all the time. It is a horrible habit. Well, I guess I'm good for now. I wrote about what I really wanted to. Good night.

Jorge = lost cause. I'm done talking about him. I wish I could just forget all the feelings. Summer is over. It is so sad. I'm not ready for school. Yeah, its a new school, new people, shorter schedule, but I don't want to go. I don't want to learn about things I am not interested in and will never need to use in life. My work schedule at Jimbo's went from 6 days a week to 3. I'm going to miss work, but I probably would have gotten sick of it if I were there longer. We had our Labor Day party at work last night. I didn't go to the previous two. I think it was because they were on school nights. The food was amazinnnnng. Moises lemon chicken stuff...javiers pasta with vodka sauce.. lol I ate my dinner at a table with Jeff, Artie, and Dana. Random, right? I chit chatted with a lot of people...Julie, Kim, Ciji, Karen, Juanito, Michelle. Steph Osorio, Katie, and Maria came too. I hung out with them and Jen out back for a while. The majority of my time I spent at R105 with Mario though. Kyle was there and since I was the only one he talks too there, he sat with us too. Kim came over and was talking to me and all of a sudden she goes aww, and I turn around and Mario had gotten me a strawberry daq. It was cute. That was virgin, but we decided to be sneaky and half of his long island iced tea was poured into my cup. So i got my alcohol. He had 3 LIT's, and I had half of every one in my cup. Then he just decided to get two. One for me, one for him. Lol we were done with being sneaky...it was wearing off. I was deffinately tipsy, perhaps drunk for the first time!? lol. I couldn't finish my LIT, so little ol kyle ended up with some in his shirley temple. lol he was happy. He's a cute kid. So after all that drinking, I went with Mario and his mexican friends. He drove me to my car, and then I followed them a block over to one of the guys houses. Mario came to my car. We sorta made out for a while. Then we went inside since I needed to pee. When we went back out front, Roman was there. We were suprised to see each other. He lives next door and was walking home from Noe and Juanito's house. He's a good guy. I talked to him a little. He seemed concerned about what I was up to, but tried not to show it. Lol and one of the mexicans was asking who I was. Roman told him I was his best friend. The other mexican said I was pretty, and Mario was really lucky. He also asked where I was from, and was suprised when roman said I was american. I don't know what he expected. lol. oh, and I met Marios nephew too. It was about 4:45am now. I told my mom I was sleeping over Stephanie O's, so I didn't have to be home. I drove Mario over to the secret house in brick. We were having sex but both fell asleep. haha. We didn't sleep that long..the sun was already coming up when we got there. We finished what we were doing in te morning though. lol We left around 9:30. Well, my mind can't think of anything else to write about at the moment. My mom just came home, so we are going to go to the beach. later. =]

I miss jorge. I really do. I try not to, but I just do. I don't know why. I tried calling him twice. Some guy answered this time. I feel my spanish improved slightly..I sorta had a conversationish thing. He asked me if I was Christina. I was like NO, soy Heather. I guess I'll just have to wait and see if he calls me now..I hope he does. My novio Mario. hmm..its been good so far I think. He gave me a hickey...that sucked. I had a table of obnoxious people when i was waitressing who just teased me about it the entire time. The one old guy started singing "our waitress has a hickey" and when he left he told me to use my tip to buy a lolli pop for my boyfriend to suck on. I guess it was sorta funny...and obnoxious. Stephanie was trying to find out who gave me the hickey. I wouldn't tell her. She said she thinks it was Mario, and that people are talking. I'm pretty sure all the Mexicans know about us. I don't know who else though. I make him jealous. I need to stop. It is my fault. I sorta just hug everyone and hang on people..I don't know why. He doesn't like it though. And he is right not to. I like him. I can't trust him yet though. He doesn't trust me either. I guess that could be a problem. I hope things will still work out when we don't see each other at work every day. Edgar still tells me how he loves me, and will wait for me to give him a chance. I don't know what to do. I feel bad...I've really hurt him.. The olympics are over. Beijing 2008. I enjoyed watching them. Probably the best time was the mens field hockey game with the netherlands and germany. It went into double overtime and then strokes and then sudden death strokes. It was intense. Germany won. Me and Jamie watched the entire thing during our waitressing shift at work. We sat at the bar and watched the end. We were sooo into it..haha sitting there by ourselves, only people paying attention to it, clapping and cheering. It was a good game. I lied though..that wasn't the best part. Michael Phelps last race was. He won 8 gold medals. A world record. His final race he needed to win was a medley relay thing..It was on at around 10:30 and I got off work at 10ish. So me and Jen T. sat in t7 by pizza and waited for the race. When it finally came on, the entire front of Jimbo's was filled with people who stopped walking the boardwalk to watch the race. Jimbo's was packed inside, and all of those people stopped talking and eating and drinking and everyone was just focused on the tv. even the mexicans. It was so cool. The race was amazing. When we won, everyone started cheering. There was even a USA chant going. It was such an awesome moment. I will never forget that. I'm going to miss the olympics. I went crabbing with my mom dad and brother and Tommy. We woke up early, rented a little boat, and got some crabs. Tommy even caught a fish, along with some seaweed and a few shells. It was cool. The next day yia yia came over to make her delicious spaghetti sauce with crabs. It was amazzzzzing. Everyone left for college. Its sorta wierd. The person I miss the most is ryan, hands down. Yesterday, I ended up not working, so naturally i went to call ryan. But once i was about to dial, I realized I couldnt. Ryan is now cut off from the outside world at his damn army school. It was sad. I miss him. He better write soon. He is deffinately one of my best friends. I ended up hanging out with erin. We finally watched persepolis. It was a really good movie. I went out to applebees with dave marella after. he's a cool kid. Me and sarah went to the beach today. It was my day off. Me and my mom went shopping later. haha and I ran into kim at the mall. it was her day off too. lol well, I guess I wrote enough, huh. Martin is waiting to talk to me. I'll be back soon. =]

Well, summer is really close to over, and it finally hit me. Up until now, it didn't feel like it even started. I deffinately didn't see my friends enough..but I enjoyed my summer all the same. Lets see...I kept getting calls from a witheld number that would hang up when I answered. I was pretty sure it was Luis, so I texted him and asked, even though he doesn't want to talk to me ever again. He sent me a message back saying he deleted my number and that he wasn't in seaside anymore. Apparently he moved to PA. I'm assuming Philly with his cousins. Then he called me three times, but I didn't know what to say or if he was going to be mad so I didn't answer. Then he sent me a voice text message saying he called to say he is sorry, it wasn't my fault and he had been acting like an asshole. So, that was wierd. Since then, I sent him a text that said Happy Birthday, and he said thanks, but that is it. I wonder if we will ever talk again.. Marie Bradley died. Her funeral was yesterday. I was in a mosoleum (spelled wrong..) for the first time, too. I didn't realize it though. I was looking at the walls with the names of people and when they died and were born and all, and I realized all the walls were filled with dead people. It was a strange experience. Me and Joe John got to Ihop at midnight. It was nice. He left for college now. Yesterday I worked in burger. Second time. I am SO slow in that stand. Mario got done before me, and I guess was waiting for me to finish. Then edgar came and said there was something important to talk to me about. Edgar and Mario sat there and talked for about an hour, whiile I waited for them to change the oil in the fryers so I could leave. When I was done, I was walking to the bathroom and Mario was like we need to talk to you. Both of us. And I was like..okay? So we went out on the north deck and they both sort of looked at me then started talking to each other in spansih for a while. I have no idea what they were saying, just that it had to do with me. Finally, Mario said that they want to know who I like. Like, which one I want to be with. Now I know edgar knows this already..there has been countless times I have said solo amigos and explained this stuff to him.. And they both know I like Mario. Edgar didn't really get AS upset as i expected. He left. Me and Mario walked to my car and ended up sitting there for over an hour. Edgar called both of us to talk during that time. In my car, Mario finally explained why he is with his wife. They have a kid. Mario has a daughter. She is two and a half. Now I guess he thought I wouldn't like that..and I guess most people wouldn't..but it really doesn't bother me. I am totally fine with that. He explained more to me, and I probably did the wrong thing and put myself into a very bad situation, but Mario is now my boyfriend. Somos novios. First official boyfriend since freshman year. I guess we will find out how this all works out... Edgar sent me a text this morning. He said he's sorry about yesterday and to forget it. He was drunk. I still miss jorge, by the way. I think I will try calling him again at the end of the month. ::EDIT:: I wrote this about a week ago. There was slightly more at the end, but I guess it didn't save.. I don't remember what it was. Nothing important..just bullshit.. =]

Its my dads birthday today. He is 53. I worked, but him and my mom, ryan, and tommy came in for pizza. It was a fun day at work. I was in a real good mood, and I sorta think that affected everyone else on my side...I dunno why I was in such a good mood. My little neighbors across the street came for dinner, too. They are so cute. I was talking to Mario today. He is married. Well, not offically married, but with a girl. She lives in the same house with him. But he says all they do is fight. There is no romance or anything between them. Nothing. He said he wants to have a relationship with me. I deffinately will not be amigos con derechos with him now that I know that though. I'm not that kind of person. I asked him why they are still together if there is no love between them or anything, but he had to go back to work. He said he will tell me another time. I'm glad he finally told me that though. You would think I'd be mad, but I'm not. Well now I have nothing to do. I didn't go out with anyone, because I assumed I would be with my family on my dads birthday. But they are still at Bill and Leslie Anderson's, so I'm just home alone. Oh well. =]

Well, Mario got mad at me. wouldn't talk to me. I have no idea why. I was talking to him yesterday though, and he said i had four amigos con derechos at jimbos. I was like are you serious? and once i got him to finally tell me who, it was Javier, Dave Marella, and I can't even remember the last two...maybe he didn't even tell me? Whatever...he is talking to me now, but i think we are solo amigos...i think? I don't tihnk thats why he stopped talking to me though...I think he did something...he said he lied to me...I think I need to just hang out and talk and have a few beers with him again. Edgar is only a poquito enojada conmigo. He is getting an ipod touch tomorrow. I'm gonna help him get the music on it with my computer. I miss jorge. I tried calling him last night but the girl that answered said no esta. oh well. Martin figured out that I'm afraid of having guys that care..I guess maybe he is right? I don't know. Tommy is here this week. Today I took him to the beach as well as ryan martin and sarah. It was fun. Martin and Tommy got along great. Martin buried Tommy in the sand...Tommy threw goldfish in martins mouth...oh, and tommy threw a jelly fish at sarah. It was priceless. We seriously laughed about that all day...it was so unexpected and just perfect. I saw paul at the beach too. I usually do, since he is a lifegaurd, but I got to talk to him too. =] and he had no shirrrrt! lol We went to JR's after. Now tommy has Jillian and her sister over. They are in the basement. Tomorrow is my daddys birthday. He will be 53. Since I work tomorrow, we are going out to eat tonight at Larrys restaurant in silverton. Yunno, I think Mario had a point with Javier. I mean i'm not amigos con derechos with him, and I never would be. I mean him and Karen just got married. But I think he likes me...at least physically. Like his hand always seems to make it to the ass area...and he always gives me these big hugs...like not friendly hello hugs...hug hugs. He wanted me to go smoke with him today. Obviously I couldn't. Family day. His birthdaay is tomorrow too. I dunno. anyway, I guess I'm done. =] adios.

well, i went to dave marellas party for an hour. for the first time in my life, i got a curfew...12. wow. jill came with me. dave deffinately likes me. and that was proved at the end of the night when he asked me to be his girlfriend...uh ohhh. and he actually got me my birthday gift!! i seriously didn't think he would get me a pink bottle opener. how he even found that is beyond me. haha i was soo happy!!! you have know idea. because of that, i had no choice but to play beer pong with him. not gonna lie, it was the first time i ever played. apparently i left at a good time too...the first thing marcus said at work was that a huge fight broke out right after. dave even called out of work to clean/fix his house. I guess its good i got a curfew for once. I don't know what to do about mario. he swears he doesn't have a wife, but random people keep saying he does. Since just stopping things with him is probably the right thing to do, i'll prob. end up stupidly doing the opposite.. and as much as I hate to admit it, I really do still miss jorge. He isn't coming back until spring now.. ugh..Jorge. Jorge Tlyacac Baez. I feel like I have more to write, but nothings coming to me. I worked 13 hours today, so I guess I should get some sleep. =] Later gator. --edit-- edgar. Well, i wrote about that night, and about his health thing. crispin came up to me today and asked what was wrong that night and if i was okay. so I told him about edgar and the breathing and all. now, since that is his father, i assumed he would know about his health, but he had no idea. edgar got mad at me for telling him, but hes okay with me now. I feel so bad. i had no idea he didn't know that stuff. k. all done.

I don't know whats up with me. I don't have any more amigos con derechos. only mario. I feel like I can trust him. I hope I'm right. He doesn't believe me though..he thinks I'm with edgar. I feel so bad for edgar. He really truly loves me so much, but I just don't love him back in that way. I don't know what to do. I feel so bad just laying there with him as he crys. What am I supposed to do? I can't control who I love. Last night got sorta intense. He was telling me how crispin tells him he's stupid for loving me. Crispin says not to talk to me and its impossible for him to be with me cause he is mexican and poor and I'm american and rich and beautiful. the only one he was totally right on was american.. anyway I think crispin just thinks i'm a slut. He knows I was with jorge last year, but he doesn't know I loved him. I think he just thought it was a game. and now crispin knows about mario, too. I don't know. but when edgar walked me to my car, something happened to him. I know he has a problem with his heart..it beats slow or something. He just started holding it and had to stop walking and doubled over. It scared me. I don't know what was wrong with him. I wanted to tell crispin what happened, and tell him that I'm really not a bad person and all. Edgar wouldn't let me talk to him though. Like an hour later, he finally said I could talk to him, so he called him and crispin came out to the car. By then, I was just so unsure of everything. Crispin came out, smiled at me, and said "hey, whats wrong?" and I just looked at him, and he looked so nice and caring, which he is, and i just started to cry. I don't know why. I didn't know what to say to him, what to do, it was horrible. So basically, nothing happened. He probably just thinks i'm mental. I don't want to see him at work today. I know he'll just act like nothing happened and be cool about everything, but still...I feel stupid. and speaking of work, I need to get ready to go, I guess. I'm supposed to go to dave marellas party tonight. I'm hoping that I will be allowed to leave my house. I've been out a few late nights in a row now, and I think my mom wants me to stay home. We'll see though. okay...all done...

First off, I can't stop listening to that song...dream catch me by newton faulkner. I don't know why I like it so much. Well, I talked to Jorge. He still doesn't have enough money to come back. He said He is coming back this month though. Juanito sent him money. But now I'm hearing he's just going to come back in september. I don't know what to believe. He says he is not getting married. I don't know...I guess I shouldn't believe him. I need to talk to him again to find out whats going on with his coming back and all, I guess. Last night I went to the "secret house" with mario. Lets hope this birth control works. I'm a little scared about this. Today is my day off. Last night I ended up being in the Tiki Bar. Slow night...but bartending is pretty cool. Some guy was there who owns a restuarant in PA. He is coming back for his birthday on August 10th, and promised to bring me a t-shirt. I doubt he is going to remember. Haha some of the people at work were talking about me..they were like heather, you're the super employee...you work in every stand, you run, you waitress, and you bartend. Haha seriously, I can do everything there now. Its funny. I like work. Oh, and my amigo con derechas, edgar, still likes me. but Jen likes him in the novios way...she told him not to talk to me anymore...whatever. I much rather would hang out with guys. All girls are bitches. I lost four pounds at weigh in! 15 more to go until I reach my goal. My team is deffinately going to lose though. Sadly, this whole entry is work related. I need to work less...I'm seriously always there. But, hopefully I'll have people to cover my shift on sat. so I can go to Martin's suprise party. Tom Lang, my new stalker just started talking to me. He asked me on a date this sunday. I will deffinately be working, though. That's a good thing. He seems like a cool kid though. ---That was not work related!! Okay, Well I'm not to sure what else to write, since I can only put so much about Jimbo's in here. lol My life needs some excitementtt! -All Done.

He is such a jerk. He has over 5 girlfriends. He is getting married. He lies to everyone. He sleeps with his brothers girls. He doesn't give his ex wife any money to support her and his kids. His wife has to work in another country away from her kids for money. He has as little as possible to do with his kids. He ruins friendships. He did something horribly wrong to me. or tried to.. He's going to come back to me. He knows my weak points. He doesn't care about anyone else. He lies about everything. He's a bad person in so many ways? Why do I love him? Everything he says to me is a lie. ---- was right. He knows I'm weak. But I won't go back to him. I'm done. I don't know why I stuck with him this long. I want to talk to him. Yell at him. Hurt him. Forget him. Life is fucked up sometimes.

Well it sure has been forever. Last entry was from when school started, and tomorrow is my last day before finals.I can't wait! then i'm gonna be a big bad senior. haha I meant to write here on the 2 year anniversary, but i just never got around to it. lazy, i guess. Junior year wasnt bad. varsity field hockey. jv lacrosse. winter track for about a month, then i sprained my ankle. decent grades. hatehatehate chemistry with a burning passion. made some awesome new friends. its been nice. i'm working at jimbo's again. thats pretty nice too. i like it there. justin is back in the picture. hes dead serious bout a relationship this time. unfortunately, i am not. john i think might come in 2 weeks? haven't talked to him in a while. some kid named mike is like stalking me and likes me. and luis still likes me. and i sorta mayabe might like this guy...i guess i can say his name cause nobody ever reads this anymore. martin. maybe? a confusing world of guys for me. oh well..i havent had much going on with guys for the past two years. its about time. =] oh and i drive! thats something noteworthy. maybe i'll start writing a lil more in this again. I hope i do. and i really hope this site does get back to how it used to be. it was so awesome. school in the am. last full day!!! can't believe i'm still gonna say it... all done.

yeah..theres school now. I miss summerrr! here is my new schedule. 1. gym 2. chemistry--applegate 3. spanish3--albrecht 4. algebra2/trig--marotto 5. lunch 6. web design--werner 6. personal finance--truhan 7. english--burns 8. history--currie there is two 6ths cause they are half year courses. nobody at all is in my lunch. i hate it. kelly is there with me though. but really, its dreadful. absolutely positively horrible. the rest are pretty good though. i made varsity field hockey. field hockeys going good. and today is exactly one month until i'm 17 and hopefully get my license. yay!! well, i'm thirsty and theres not much more to say. much love.

you did it again. and again. twice in the same fucking day. c'mon you're smart. just stop. please. You won't give up. You're going to hurt me and you'll end up getting hurt as well. so stop. -- so anyway..sarah schnitzers sweet 16 on the river lady is today. I think she got the idea for it from brittanys party on the river queen. whatever. I haven't talked to her in ages but she invited me anyway. It'll be a good time. this is my last week of no school. then back for loads and loads of homework. Another year with gym for a homeroom. I guess it's better than wagner. And christina hansen is there to. This is our 4th year of the same gym. Gym buddies for life. haha yeah, its rainy. I'm soo not in the mood for a fancy shmancy party. I'd rather sit around in pajamas and such. oh well. i can't wait to drive. just to go anywhere on my own. it's gonna be awesome. and john moves soon. I feel bad for him, moving all the time. But I think I'll see him more. That's deffinately a good thing. yeeeeeah nobody in the world reads this anymore. that's all for now, love.

Jump Island was loads of fun today. I hope we go agian for field hockey. I did the 2.2 in my new best time today too. 17min.45sec. yay. So after practice and jump island, i decided to sit by the pool and swim. My face looks like a tomatoe! but the rest of me is still nice and tan. Work tomorrow. then sat. and sun. as well. should be some good times. good times good times... so letters for school come real soon. I'm thinking my homeroom will be upstairs. I don't know why. but, i want to have math first period. People change. I don't think they realize it though. People change around different people. They can't just be themselves. and someone is doing a lot of this. it's driving me crazy. but she wouldn't believe me if i told her that. Yep. Karl, out of the blue just made me smile. I love it..