i kno wut most ppl r thinkin...damn where has dis nigga ben at? where has he ben at wif his so called deep shit?...where he at wif his so called 'true' entries?....where he ben at 2 fill us in on how we aint ready 4 him?....and there is one answer 2 all those questions...i took i guess sum time off 2 collect my thoughts i took sum time 2 think of wut exactly ive ben sayin, wut ive ben doin and think of where im at in life..is it where i wanna b? am i far behind where i shud b? idk but this brings me 2 anotha point in my 3rd block english class we've had sum deep descussions about choices, how guys choices affect them and how gurl choices r based on different thangs then guys shit like that and a concept that keeps bein brought up is basicalled fuck yesturday worry bout 2morro soo wut im sayin is tha past is tha past and make tha rite decisions 2day so 2morro isnt bad..but how do u kno if ur decision is a bad one wen ur so caught up in da moment that evrythang seems so rite and evrythang seems 2 b goin tha rite way and u think ur doin tha rite thang but in reality u cud b doin sumthin soooo horrible sooo hurtful and u dont evn kno it..and as i glance at my past i see times where ive ben blinded by sumthin soo stupid sumthin sooo not worth tha risks but i took them anyways and i wasnt stupid but wen it comes 2 think thru shit i was as dumb as it gets i never thought bout consquences it was all bout tha moment and mayb it was fun but did i get out of it? sum ppl may say nuthin...sum ppl may say u got an understandin of how 2 not repeat ur mistakes, but i like 2 think i got sumthin better...maturity..my past and not juss 8th grade in particular but my early teen years and shit i those years were soo hard and soo full of emotion that ive learn not 2 get attached 2 sumthin so quickly ive learned that tha shortest route isnt always tha best one, ive learned tha shortcuts and livin in tha moment isnt all its perserved as ppl think well my life is sooo fucked up blah blah blah but its sooo fucked up cuz ur not takin tha time 2 realize that its fucked up cuz u believe it is..evry day is anotha day 2 turn it around and its neva 2 late and ppl may say y am i sayin that this cuz i MCF am a victim of his own self..wut i mean is at tha time i was makin such bad decisions i blamed other ppl for my mistakes i wanted 2 believe that i wasnt doin anythang rong it was always sum1 else fault but now i kno that no1 made me make those choices sure mayb peer pressure was involved but I KNO im stronger then peer pressure...peer pressure is an exucse u believe so that u dont hav 2 live wif tha fact that YOU fucked up...so ppl hav ben hittin me up wif alotta questions...y am i tha way i am? who or wut made me start bein so deep? y do i think ppl aint ready 2 veiew me entirely? but i think its time 4 me 2 ask tha questions..y r u ppl so blinded by tha word 'love'? y is it that gurls mainly start 2 melt cuz a guy says hes in love wif them? and y does it seem that evry1, mainly my peers r in love or heartbroken or lost or wuteva cuz ofa guy? y do gurls get soo attached 2 a guy that wen things turn sour they write shit in their profiles like im attached 2 misery or wuteva? and finally y do ppl say that they hav ben hurt sooo badly or they soooo in love wif ppl that they change thier whole lifestyle their whole personality cuz of sum wak ass shit? can any1 answer that shit? and after ponderiin bout it 4 a bit me personaly think that tha answer lies in low self esteem..gurls think juss cuz one guy dumped em or theyve had sum bad relationship probs that thangs r sooo fucked up..that kinda shit pisses me off.. cuz ur only 15, 16 or 17 years old u aint evn got ur feet wet yet..you hav soo much more 2 experience u aint evn scratched tha surface of life..and wut makes me different? nuthin ive not ben hurt sooo much that ive given up on life not 2 say that i havent ben hurt b4 and i have mayb 2 tha point where bein hurt or tha feel of pain isnt sumthin i feel anymore i see evry time ur soo called hurt as a lesson a time where u can learn from it so that it doesnt happen again...so if u fall once pick ur ass up and tha next time u slip u shud b able 2 realize it and catch urself in time....now 2 tha point of ppl bein in love..im not sayin it cant happen but cmon on now u mean 2 tell me that evry single one of u were or are in love...LMFAO i laff at that shit i laff partially cuz u ppl havent yet realized that u aint matured yet and mayb ive always matured faster then most in my own special way..i tend 2 see thangs in like a 4th person view--i guess thas how it can b described--but wut i wanna kno is wut makes sum1 soo great that u believe ur in love? wut exactly do u feel that makes u in love? howdo kno its love? y isnt that u juss like this person alot or thurrs juss a high attraction? i reel want sum1 2 gimme a reel fuckin answer on dat shit-- holla @ me if u got sum kinda answer...ok nuff wif day..i think at this age i font reely kno wut i want as far as a gf goes i hav a genereal outline but 2 say this is wut i exactly want i dont think that wud b accurate cuz ill prolly neva make up my mind cuz thurr r soo many thangs that appeal 2 me ina gurl..a quote on quote freak, a smart gurl, a closet freak, a head turner(fine ass gurl),gurl who'll b honest wif her emotions, a gurl who isnt a wee bit afraid 2 tell me sumthin serious, a gurl whos funny, a gurl who can b both serious and funny, idk i like all dat shit and mayb i make my mind up 2 quickly on wut i wan but wen i start 2 go witta gurl it neva fails that wen im taken gurls come outta nowhere and start 2 b on my nuts, mayb its tha fact that they want sumthin they cant hav, but wen that kinda shit happens idk i start 2 second guess shit like damn this otha gurl is willing 2 gimme shit my gurl doesnt hav shit like dat and mayb i juss need 2 b kept interested ina relationship, mayb wen thangs start 2 get old or borin or wuteva mayb i start 2 lose interest and start "wantin" 2 go elsewhere, where thangs arent predictable or where things interest me and i say "wantin" cuz i kno ill stick witta gurl if im interested like "wantin" means that i only wanna leave cuz thangs r gettin boring and if thangs were 2 pick up ik i wuddnt look at tha possibilities of anotha person but idk mayb its juss meaningless fantasies idk soo i guess im finished wif this one but i juss wanna leave ppl wif sumthin...its neva 2 late 2 wake da fuck up... -MCF