Somehow my mind was contorted into believing that I need another person to make me happy. I'm not lonely I need affection and I can find that in love and in lust. If this love thing doesn't work for me... then too bad. There's always lust to fall back on. I mean, I would much prefer love. I would much prefer to have Maria back and be able to hold her and love her and have her at my advantage. But that image is fading.