sometimes he is so selfish. he wants to see me so i can't see my friends. he wants to talk to me so i can't talk to anyone else. he wants to do things that we probably shouldn't do and he makes me feel like i owe it to him. even thought i know i dont. and now i'm thinking there could be a problem. which sucks. because it's my senior year and damnit. i used to tell myself that if you ever thought about breaking up with someone even just once then obviously you should. because if you just think about it then you obviously don't want to be with them. i was lying. i think about breaking up with michael all the time. simply to make life easier. but what if life just got harder.. plus i really do love him. i don't really act like it all the time.. and he deserves to be treated better than what i can treat him. we aren't happy.. well right now we are. but just last week there were two times that we almost broke up. and it fucking sucked. he cried.. and i felt bad that i didn't. but honestly i feel like i'm out of tears. and i don't know what to do to make us both happy. when he's happy i feel suffocated. and when i'm happy we aren't seeing each other enough. is that a bad thing? is it bad that i don't want/have to see him everyday? or does it just mean that i like to have me time. and time with my friends. and just some freaking space. i feel like he has no friends anymore. he never wants to hang out with them. he ignores their calls. he won't make plans with anyone because he doesn't want to be busy if i call and ask him if he wants to hang out. which i rarely ever do. and sometimes i feel like it's driving me insane. but then there are those times that it doesn't. and everything seems perfect. but obviously too perfect because we end up disagreeing about something and arguing about it. the good times never last anymore.. i miss how it used to be. at the beginning. the first real date. the first kiss. haha "i'll give you a firecracker if you give me a kiss." it was new years. awkward.. but cute. lol. the first "date". he took me to california dreaming and then to see the lights at the zoo. that was actually right after christmas. the one month "anniversary". haha. one month just seems so stupid right now that we're going on 10. valentine's day. the first time i ever actually had a "valentine". i begged him not to get me anything. he did anyway.. of course. his 18th birthday. his graduation. the best summer ever. the first guy ever to meet my dad. the first guy to ever meet my grandparents. looking forward to the future. waiting to see what's in store for us. and now that there's not as much to look forward to.. everything's been done. there's nothing left to do in this damn city.