It has a habit of disappearing. I don't know who to talk to about this. It's long, but it pays off. Trust me. I can't sleep at night. I have no control over myself. My scalp itches constantly-- No matter what shampoo I use, antibiotics I take, or whatever, I can never get rid of the acne. My whole body itches, for that matter. When it comes to school, it's at the whim of some overpaid administrator whether I wasted $12,000 in Coos Bay or not. Chances are, the collection company that harassed me for the last 9 months was a scam. Or they could chose to hold my transcript ransom for some other arbitrary reason, and everything I've ever worked and sacrificed for will be gone. And yet I can't stop itching. All the fitness in the world can't keep me in shape. I lay in bed and I feel disgusting. Flesh, oil, stench... mo matter how much I shower and scour myself I can't stop being aware of myself-- how much filth my body produces in a matter of minutes. Just laying there trying to sleep... Work. Doing things for other people in exchange for more money than I could ever spend, but never enough money than is ever useful. If I lived on my own I'd never be able to make rent-- much less pay for school or these loans. Video games bore me-- I play WoW as something to do and a way to keep in touch with my SWOCC friends. The largest portion of my job is building BBQ's for my customers. This lets them cut to the fun part of owning a bbq by ignoring its setup. it feels like that's what I've doomed myself to: Prepping other people's fun. Home. Yeah, I live here. Yeah, I have family to support me. But my mom is bitch who's always looking to pick a fight, and nothing my dad says is positive. So I keep to myself. I listen as my parents fight about who's going to ask me to take out the garbage, who's going to ask me re-bag every piece of garbage Jack scattered across the back yard, and who's going to find the money to let me take said garbage to the dump. I'm in control of nothing around here, except how fast the fudge gets eaten. Games. I've done everything there is for a person to do by himself in that stupid game... to get anywhere now I have to depend on 4,9,24 people to show up, know what they're doing, and not be idiots. That's an incredibly hard thing to pull off. Sometimes it falls together and everything is perfect and fun, or else it falls apart and my poor character spends most of the night licking the floor. Again, depending on other people. Romance. All the girls my age at work are already pregnant. It's fucking frustrating. A few of the older women like to hit on me, but wtf is that about... it's gross. My girlfriend from last summer wants me to start dating her friend, but after she introduced us said friend went on a 3-week trip to Europe. Though, apparently, Sarah's been selling me pretty hard. There was a time when you depended on me. I took it for granted. When I felt you slip, I got rough. That was wrong of me. It's something I must live with for the rest of my life. I am sorry. I think in all the propaganda of the last year I somehow forgot to apologize. Let's not hold it against each other. Maybe now we can both get our hands on the reins. Haha, half the songs on my Zune are from your CD collection. I don't think I could get them off here if I tried.