I found myself staring into the eyes of death the other day..... death in the form of an inner tube filled with grape jelly and pickled garlic cloves. This thing was on a rampage! I swear it was the most horrific site I've ever seen. Did I mention it was twenty feet tall? Seriously, this thing made that big scary monster from "Star Wars: Return of the Jedi" look like Pee Wee Herman when he's not in a porno theater. Anyway, long story short; I locked eyes with the menacing creature and told it to stop killing innocent people because it's not a very polite thing to do. I guess my speech worked cuz in a matter of seconds the gargantuan inner tube was on its side sharing it's bizarre mixture of condiments with everyone that had been spectating the destruction earlier. Needless to say, we ate well that day.