OMG. updating so scott doesn't delete this shit.

Once upon a time, i had this friend. we were the best of friends, or so i thought. one day, i met these other friends and i realized, that my friendship with my "best friend" wasn't really a very good friendship at all. anyway, as i realized this, i decided to let my friend know that we definitely weren't the best of friends anymore. no hard feelings, we were going to remain good friends. people change, circumstances change, people drift apart... life goes on. the end. but wait... --->bottledemotion desi apparently thinks the reason we're not friends anymore is because shes experimenting with alcohol, cigs and weed. which is not true at all. experimenting with whats out there is a part of growing up. des and i are not friends because we have simply drifted apart and if it didn't happen now, as she said, "it was gonna happen sooner or later because after high school we'll probably never see each other again." to des: i'm pissed because you had to start drama. but i honestly wish you the best of luck in everything you pursue. so, as a token of our 5+ years of friendship, i'm asking for you to just let it go. move on des, and let me move on.

killHannah CD = stuff emo legends are made of. pffft, and i'm not even sure they're emo. but labels are for SUUUUCKERS. or clothes. so whatever. anyway, its an amazing CD. freaking sun lied to me today. i woke up, saw the sun, and thought it was gonna be a warm, summery day like yesterday. so i ended up freezing my tits off. right, tits, not balls... because i actually have those!(to pyro) urgh. stupid changing weather. i did a little convention shopping today. i need blazers, pants, a skirt (maybe) and a pretty dress. but i did manage to score a pair of shoes. so the gas wasn't completely wasted. so kirsten says she likes long entries. i think her and twigg are the only ones that read it. no actually i think more people do, they just do it secretly and don't comment. twisted fucks. mother is going to start restricting my gas money. which is extremely bad. especially if gas prices go up. so everybody pray to God that they dont--er, Amy. and to you non-spoiled brats who are all like, wtf, i have to work and pay for my car and insurance and gas so shut the fuck up... well, ...exactly. heh. night.

so today was exciting. i went to goodwill (for the first time) w/ twigg... there was this shirt we wanted, but apparently only the obese give away to goodwill. then we went to joann's so twigg could get her needle and thread. we were supposed to go play bball, but steph fell and got all bloody so we went to Dr. Alicia's to get her fixed up. right, and then it started raining... crap, total mind block. all i remember after that is taco bell and then we went back to kirsten's house. ooh twigg and I ran thru mud puddles and our chucks got all gross and wet. and i seemed to have developed some of kirsten's drooling habits... right, i'm totally confused about everything now. i want to be a kid again and everything was so simple. so, i'm going into the bubble. screw you all. (except for those allowed in the bubble) i heart you guys.

Today: I woke up, got arby's, then I went shopping! I wanted to buy another pair of my squeeze jeans, but they're all gone! bzzzirk. Then I hung out w/ piece pot, killer & pyro. amazing fun. At sheetz, we talked to this gorgeous guy and he pointed out these girls saying they were probably too good to talk to us. Alicia tries to talk to them, and they blow her off, and he goes, "Told ya." So the girls got all pissed off and wanted to kick our asses. I can't even put into words how pathetic that is. Summer: I can either go to Asia w/ mom or stay in the states w/ dad. Both have its pros and cons... Traveling will be fun--but I'll miss Warped. Maybe I'll come home in time for the Pittsburg show (which is usually sometime in August). But, one: we might not leave in time. Two: it might not be in August. And I haven't even found anyone to go with yet, noone that is definitely going. Kirsten is going w/ Mandy, Twigg is going w/ Beth. I think I might ask Beth if I can tag along. I don't know anything right now. wow, incredibly long entry. I hate that. oh well, I had to get stuff out of my system. ah, and if i go to China, I'll definitely have to lose weight. Everyone there is so skinny (like naturally skinny, not anorexic skinny)... my aunt who is 5'7 weighs 95 pounds normally. I'll be a freaking beached whale. well, night. Didn't do anything too exciting--but since Desi has 400+ entries, i feel the need to update everyday now. Routine = order, so its good. But random & change is also kickass. A little bit of both I suppose. Slept in and went to scrapbooking an hour late. But I got my two pages done so whatever. It was over around 3, and I decided I wanted to return these Mudd mules I got a few weeks ago, because they suck and slide off my foot when I walk. I ended up buying another zip-up sweater hoodie @ JCPenney. I have way too many of those. I'm so excited about convention in April. I know I know, its gay because its a school trip and its w/ Key Club too.. but I dont care and I'm still stoked to go. I get to hang out w/ Twigg & Kirsten for the whole weekend and go shopping! Kirsten and I had a "deep" conversation the other day. It was, mind-boogling, amazing. You totally wish you had been there. And last night I talked to Twigg too. I thought it was awesome because I never talk to them about anything important, just stupid stuff. I think, we, heh, 'bonded'. Now I feel really gay... moving on. Mom said we really need to go somewhere for SB. I don't really care... I just want to have a kickass summer. and SB is only a week anyway. I'll have to lay there for 2 hours before I can sleep which means I should probably go to bed now so tomorrow isn't one big blur.

its really not fair. by the time i get around to updating this thing, all the good stuff is already in other people's entries. ack. i couldn't decide what to do today, so i just sat home and watched movies. i watched loveactually. it was just a whole bunch of different people falling in love and getting together at the end. one of the couples met while filming a porn--that was fun. for tomorrow, i had originally planned to go to boardman (the diner & Hide-n-Seek) w/ piece pot, killer & pyro but i cancelled. i decided i really want to go shopping by myself, i haven't done that in a while. i miss being able to go wherever i want and do whatever i want. tomorrow, i'll try on clothes for as long as i like. i'll take forever to eat my chicken terriyaki. i'll go to CD Warehouse and look thru CDs for hours. heh, i'm getting excited just thinking about it. alone time!

i've tried to update... i really have. but everytime i do, i either get kicked off the internet, accidentally hit some random button, noticed my fish were dying... lately i've just been hanging out w/ friends. the days mesh together and get all blurry--like when you put different colors of play-doh together and then it turns into this swirly ball of colors. you know what i'm talking about. i remember last night was spent in the park w/ lola, pyro and fitzy. that was fun, although i froze my ass off. i think maybe thats why im sick again. there was noone there except us and we just sat on the playground and talked. we should do it more often, only when its warmer. oh yeah! i want to know everyone's birthdays. so comment and let me know yours/anyone you know, or i'll steal all of your toilet paper. mmmwuahaha. random news/thoughts: kirsten finally got a cell phone! its tiffany's birthday!! desi placed a safety pin on her crotch (symbolizing shes emo?)... i'm betting it comes undone. heh. i didn't go to school today and i really hope we have a snow day tomorrow. i reaaally reaaally want to go to warped this summer. and...MCC hoodie day = May 3rd. that is all. ------------------------------------------ so i had this entry all nice and typed up and then i hit some random key and its all gone. POOF. anyways, its been exactly 10 days since my last entry and everything has pretty much changed. no longer feeling depressed and all-around shitty. i've spent the past week or so hanging out w/ all of my friends. its nice to know that i have some people i can count on to cheer me up when i'm feeling down, but hopefully i wont need it. i hope we get a snow day tomorrow. i really don't feel like school anymore. summer needs to get here, now. so i can go to warped tour. to the people who keep asking for the left-entry code... i'm not giving it out. why? because i'd rather be a selfish bitch than see every other diary look exactly like mine. and if i were to give it out, it wont be to some stranger that i dont know and will most likely never comment again. i always rant about this but people still comment. probably 'cuz they dont read my entry... another reason not to give it to them. suck it up fukkas.

its been a couple of days since i've updated this thing. jesse bob died and i had to flush him, but killer and madison taylor curly seem to be doing okay. and i got 100% on my chemistry test. : ] at lunch i wrote on piece pot & killer's rubber bands. when steph gets a silver sharpie, i get to write on hers. but i dont have a rubber band yet... i'm holding out for a hot pink or black one. everything has been good lately, except for thursday... in pre-calc, fred yelled at me for being mean to tony--its not even possible for me to be really mean. you know how some people just insult you in a way that really gets to you... yeah i'm not one of those people. how about all the times tony is mean to me, and the shit steve gives me for being chinese. i wish i didn't have to deal with everyone. i know i shouldn't let them matter but no matter how great i'm feeling, they always make me feel like shit. my weakness is that i care too much. -scars, papa roach. good song. urgh. now i feel crappy just writing about it. g'night.

today was awesome. i went shopping w/ Lynsi... i got these two pairs of star earrings and a pair of Nikes. then we went to walmart to get killer a better home than the drinking glass my mom had dumped him into. we bought this vase-like glass, but mom hated it so we returned it for a goldfish bowl. lynsi was quiet on the way home--she was upset because she liked the first bowl better so i dropped her off & put the fishies into their new home. ( i got 2 more: Jesse Bob & Madison Taylor Curly) i feel like a little kid again... after that, there was drama. blaah. drama makes me sad-angry-just unhappy. so i was allowed (surprise!) to go to Lynsi's & watch SLEEPOVER (good chick flick). i was driving out & got this urge to go to DunkinDs. i figured i'd get some peace offerings. i dropped them off and everyone was happy. or so it appeared.. but we wont even go there. as far as i know, everyone is happy and its going to stay that way. *buries head in sand* i got home around 1:30 and tried to sneak back in, but i accidentally set off my panic alarm. i'm such an idiot. i'm going to go to bed now, i think i have to drive to cleveland tomorrow which will suck. if not, i'm going to do laundry-NHS shit-Dye paper. fun stuff. i've noticed my entries are getting long, i apologize.

so today, lynsi and i were supposed to go shopping for purses. that fell through, but desi was nice enough to come cheer me up and we went riding around in the lexus. toy's house, lynsi's house and ezio's later, i came home. steph picked me up @ 6:30 and to go to alliance (to sam goodys to buy the falloutboy CD). on the way there we stopped at her grandparents' house in sebring and her kickass grandma fed me chicken. which was really good. so um, yeah, at goody's i let steph use my FightingQuakers card and she got $3 off her CD! and then we headed home but i wanted to use my whoppers jr. coupon so we stopped at BK. the girl there ended up giving us 2 regular whoppers so i gave one to kirsten and she shared her fries. steph got a fiji water (which i want to try) and i gave her a chicken tender. the food was awesome. then we went to alicia's house... dustin (steph's cousin) showed up and her mom opened the door and just looked at him for a while. then we left for DunkinDs. there, alicia mentioned her fish... and kirsten and I wanted fish too, so we decided to go to walmart and get us some. well, I ended up getting a little goldfish and named him Killer. the rest of the evening was spent in memorial park... steph lit things on fire. nothing big though. so yeah its late, im sleepy... 'night.

being sick sucks. lately all i've done is sleep, cough, blow my nose, drink water and pee. what fun. we have a 4-day weekend that i'm probably going to spend doing the above. lately i've been feeling so left out. everyone has someone they rather hang out with. i've always known that, but now it seems so much more apparent. i realized that i always plan to do stuff, noone ever asks me to do anything, except for lynsi, but thats just because "i'm the only one who ever has money to do anything". urgh. i'm going to crawl into a corner and make it official, i'm a loser, i suck and noone likes me. right, your cue to point and laugh. oh well, i shall suck it up and go shopping by myself tomorrow. buying useless material things always cheers me up. for now, jesse mccartney will do. heh.

i woke up with a fever this morning so mom said i didn't have to go to school. i spent the day drinking fluids and eating pretzels like its my job. which is bad because the massive amount of salt makes my throat hurt more. but its the only food that doesn't taste funny--my tofu tasted like bananas and my ham like soap. i'm probably going to school tomorrow... and i'll probably be late and get 4 more detentions. jason informed me that i have 4 tests on thursday. AP History - Dye - Spanish - Bio? ...and i'll probably have one in Chemistry. Don Turner won't want to miss out on the fun. my diary doesn't look quite as shit anymore, but far from good.

all this snow totally killed my weekend. it better snow massively tonight and screw school over or else i.ll be extremely pissed. its only fair. i went and did grocery shopping for my mom today. i got myself 2 boxes of Chewy bars (oatmeal raisin & smores), gum, fresh-baked italian bread and Fritos. i wanted some cherry/grape tomatoes but they were all rotten. i completely cleaned my room (not the shove-shit-under-the-bed crap) about two months ago and now it.s trashed. it was going so well for a while. i think i.m going to clean it again--being able to find your stuff is nice. desperate housewives is on tonight! i love that show! shit, i just realized i forgot to go to scrapbook today. oh my hours are so screwed. damnit i used to be the only person with my entries on the left--pretty soon everyone is going to. no one gives a shit, as long as we smile.

Five minutes ago I had three layers of clothes on, my white shoes covered with an unidentified black substance and frozen chunks of snow lining the bottom of my pants. We were supposed to go sledding. I got about 3 feet. Today was interesting. But it.s all over now. Now I.m safely in my room with my giant cup of hot chocolate listening to Taking Back Sunday. I.m a little cold still, which is to be expected... but my legs and feet itch, which worries me. Steph & Alicia thought we were walking through sewage, i don.t even want to think about that. I.m gonna finish my hot chocolate and take a long hot bath. i need/want: ♥a pair of Doc Martens ♥a new CD -or- MP3 player ♥red sweater from PacSun - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - the friends i want to do stuff with, never ask me to do anything. but the friends i don.t want to do stuff with do and its not that i don.t want to hang out with them, it.s just that every time i do, i come home either pissed off or feeling like shit. des keeps telling me to find new friends, and that the guys are awesome and never cause any drama. lynsi asked me to go to breakfast with her, but i don.t really want to do anything tomorrow. so i told her to ask steph and she goes i don.t know. and then she says, "i asked you because you're the only one who ever has money to do stuff." which explains why she always asks me since she obviously gets along with other people better. and i just realized that when it comes to doing things that don.t involve money, i.m never invited. going to boardman, or the movies, or the diner. but going over to watch a movie, never. and i also noticed that when people do stuff with me its because they know someone else is going to be there, or the people they rather hang out with are doing something. i really should become a hermit.the friends i want to do stuff with, never ask me to do anything. but the friends i don.t want to do stuff with do and its not that i don.t want to hang out with them, it.s just that every time i do, i come home either pissed off or feeling like shit. des keeps telling me to find new friends, and that the guys are awesome and never cause any drama. lynsi asked me to go to breakfast with her, but i don.t really want to do anything tomorrow. so i told her to ask steph and she goes i don.t know. and then she says, "i asked you because you're the only one who ever has money to do stuff." which explains why she always asks me since she obviously gets along with other people better. and i just realized that when it comes to doing things that don.t involve money, i.m never invited. going to boardman, or the movies, or the diner. but going over to watch a movie, never. and i also noticed that when people do stuff with me its because they know someone else is going to be there, or the people they rather hang out with are doing something. i really should become a hermit.

i woke up @ 6 and found out we didn.t have a snow day so i went back to bed figuring my mom would wake me up in time. she didn.t so i ended up staying home. my vouchers are going down the crapper. i.ll probably have to take all of my finals. our pepperoni roll $$ is due tomorrow--i doubt anyone will remember to bring the money tomorrow since i wasn.t there to remind them today. oh well, i only sold 4. im such a loser. and will you tell all your friends, you've got your gun to my head, this all was only wishful thinking.

i deleted half of my friends. most of them were either: a) dead b) got a new diary and dont want to be my friend no more. c) never talk to me. so, the ones i kept can be sure they are the best and coolest out of the sitD crop. fucking a. i want a pair of vans quincy. the end.

cool xmas presents: [♥] drive thru records bag (hasn't come in yet) [♥] the starting line pin [♥] checkered bracelet [♥] hot pink Happy Bunny T [♥] "Get Away You Loser" pin [♥] hello kitty purse [♥] CD from HotTopic ...and i have yet to get Lola's gift. unni

i got my National Honor Society letter today! i hope i make it in, but it requires 2 extracurricular activities and i have 2, but i only actually participate in one. i hope the teacher likes me enough to give it to me anyway. plus i have to type an essay (which wont be too hard) and get 3 references (hard). that ad is really cramping my style. it hides those beautiful tbs lyrics. gRR. and i haven't re-downloaded my program to make backgrounds and icons and such so i'm currently using other peoples' work. depressing. i got these two beautiful pins: underoath & hawthorne heights. now i just need a bag to put them on. my black jansport one still have hot chocolate all over it. and plus, its getting old. theres a vans one that i want... i must go do something productive. later.

you think that i.m perfect when i scream a little softer. i want to be perfect. mid-life crisis @ 16. death by age 32. story of my life.

|X| all i want for christmas is a snow day. 3 snow days would be better. |X| i spent today moving my furniture around. tomorrow, im going to go buy some stuff for my room. |X| 12/18 . gift exchange @ fitzys. . walmart . desi's dogs are lesbians and like to bite... my boob. . dunkinDs. . jake = angsty (& unclean) . chink = shy. . desi = horny. . fitzy = awesome. |X| i want theKillers CD & a pair of DocMartens. and apple altoids. sunni