wel i remembered my password hehe its been a few months since ive done this last time i left off with some unaswered things titled still alive because i almost died it was to be a simple ACL and miniscus repair, but after the surgery the combination of pain meds wuz too much for me, i entered a 3 day coma with a 105 avg fever, puked into mmy lungs a real fun time then i had to spend 2 n a half weeks in 4 different hospitals... fuck but thats fairly old news since that wuz february however my destroyed knee has not recovered to a stable enough point i lose my senior year of football im so upset... mad... torn about the fact that i missed out on a ring, but even more so that i will never have the opportunity to be the best of my group again, i can never challenge dodge... i will never get a jacket or a letter after so much of my life, so many hours, so much hard work and dedication its all gone the frustration and anger i have seems to be increasing these days, ive been having outbursts like when i wuz a little kid... summer skool is hell ive really hit a new low in these times (this makes more sense if u read some of my previous entires) truly i have fallen some of my friends still believe that i should have been valedictorian... the whole new friends old friends... ive definatley grown aparrt from the older group of friends, but recently it seems the newer group is falling to alot of inner conflict i just wish ppl could stop being soo petty i wish things could be simple and im getting scared about my life i feel like im not going anywhere like i dont have a chance after highschools done i mean shit, wut college is gunna want me... my grades have been shit 4 the past 2 years so many interesting turns this summer already, its flying by and crawling at the same time the spanish exchange students go home in a few days claras been back for a few weeks... wow i reread my old entries... damn i wuz fooking obssesed with her when we were goin out and i cant help but think about it sometimes hehe my whole lil epiphany about how that one dance at the after-semi party pretty much symbolized the entire relationship... i obviously still have an elipses problemm lol idk its fucking late... i think im gunna go 2 bed ill explain the barbed wire thing next time so tired