Im very depressed. Me and Shane had a fight. And I did the stupid thing and signed out of MSN so he couldn't chat to me... And I know he hates that... What did we fight about? A while ago, I added a guy to MSN that I found from Bebo, he got very attached to me, and I lied to Shane and said he was gone. So now I went and added another guy (even though he seems alright) and Shane's going ballistic... And now I know I've made him even angrier... Things have been happening at home... I'm finding life very hard at the minute... I'm only holding together for everyone else and I'm sick of it. I can't take any more of this. Why can't I just feel the way I want to feel???.... .... why isn't anyone listning to me.... .... why do I feel so alone???.... I can't stop crying, but Shane doesn't know.

Hehe... things with Shane are so perfect right now... yesterday we symbolised love and got a puppy together. He's a little terrier-collie cross, and he is the second most beautiful dog I have ever seen, next to my dearest Shadow (he's a Lassie-border cross, if you can imagine it...) and he is getting along fine in the house. Enda's got a new girlfriend now, and I'm so glad, because he was contacting me all of the time, and it was really starting to get on my nerves. It's a good thing Shane and I are so strong, or else there would have been a lot of trouble. Sitting at Shane's computer right now, while the puppy, whom we named Lex, is chewing on Shane's football boot... remember, kids... I saw nothing!! So... I think that is all of what I had to tell you!

So all... Its been such a long time since I have shown my face on this.. I found it quite amusing to find some stranger calling me a cunt repeatedly... well I'm sorry, but I really did have to go away for a while!! I didn't realise you would be that angry at me for leaving the site!!! Me and Enda broke up... It was about time and to be honest, I'm glad I did what I did. I'm with a guy called Sháne now... we're very happy together indeed and I can't think of anyone else I would rather be with at the moment!!!!

Alisha Finneganhttp://HELL5-4NGEL.bebo.com/

Final Exams begin TOMORROW, so this is going to be my final entry in SitDiary until the beginning of July. I havn't been on much lately, so you guys will not miss me much!!!!! Well, feel free to leave me comments, I might be on for a moment now and again to read them!!! Mastersage, will ya please keep an eye on my site?? Thanks pet, I'll talk to you, and the rest soon!!!! Au Revoir for now!!! Allie

Listning to voices.... constant voices. They're all around me... battling with my mind. How do I stop it??? Do I answer them, or do they answer me? Are they really there? Or am I really there?? How do I know which is real. Die, die, die. But I'm not ready to die. I'm still waiting to live. But how do I know if it is over? Will I ever know? Will it ever be over? The voices tell me that I will be alright, but it is the voices that are making me sick. How will I ever know? If the voices stop, will I be alright? If they go away, might I die? I'm not ready to die.... but maybe I am already dead... Today's topic of discussion is: "What was the last thing that happened that really made you sick?" (It can be a physical sickness or the "disgusted" kind of sick)

I can't take much more of this. The pressure of school is very tough and Im not too sure if I can cope with this for four more weeks. Was in tears until 2 o clock this morning worrying about my finals.... Its stupid i know, but i just feel alone. Enda's at college all week, and mam's at work. Im just on my own..... So today's topic is: What was the last thing to make you cry.....?

(And I dont even know what complacent means.... where did Scott get the words anyway, theyre unreal!!!!) Finally back to entertain you all and I have now moved origin. Sitting in COLLEGE (still have to sit my finals, but I know people... moody haha) making my entry, and wondering what todays topic of discussion will be... Jaysus, Ive run out of ideas... used all the good ones! Ah crud!!!! Okay so todays line of discussion will be: Q. What is your favourite *unusual sounding* name-calling word? In case you all think yous can come in leaving really obscene things, I dont. My favourite name-calling word that sounds stupid is: Wally

It's so nice to see there are so many people out there for me.... Makes me feel special!Especially my man Enda.... he's just the bomb!!!!!! Aw I love him so much and I wouldn't be without him. But hey, I love you guys too.... So today's forum: Who do you love???? I want to know the name of the person you have loved the most so far in your life... it can be any kind of love... not just sexual! So, enlighten me! XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Feeling hurt. Feeling sorry for myself. Feeling like the sh*t that I believe myself to be. Nothing is mine and I am nothing in return. I feel? I no longer feel. The feeling no longer exists. If I feel, then what is this numbness that swells inside of me? I attempt to overcome and I worsen my situation. Esteem is at an all time low and I am falling, falling. I feel. I feel a funeral in my brain and the rotting decay of the funeral's wake. The putrid smell overwhelms me. I am sick. I am sick, therefore I must feel? Remember everyone, there is always some one you can talk to and always someone you can tell. Let it be a falling out, let it be rape. You should always tell the one you love exactly how you feel. Because you DO feel. Whether or not it is negative is not the important factor.... It is how you deal with this feeling. Please. Do yourself a favour. Talk. Because if you talk, someone will listen. Maybe you just need to speak a little clearer.....

Listen. What do you hear? The sounds around you determine your ambience, your mood. They may distract you, or they may become you.... What do you hear????? Comments appreciated...

I'm so glad to be finally back to my dear second home..... How is everyone doing!!!! Getting my mock finals results now and things are looking good!!!! One month to go until the Orals and the pressure is on!!!! Hey anyone wants to comment the current discussion is: What's Pressuring Teenagers????? My opinion on this subject is that the biggest pressure for teens today are the Final Exams. In Eire that's the Leaving Certificate!!!! So get commenting everyone...

Just to let ya all know that i'm going to be away for a while.... have to sit my leaving cert pre exam and then its the midterm, so you wont be hearing from me until closer to march... good luck all... and mastersage, kkep an eye on my diary.... if tutorgrrl comes anywhere near my diary report her!!!!!

Imagine this everyone. I leave a little bit of whole-hearted advice on someone's diary, and they leave an abusive comment on my site... My whole computerised diary is tainted now... What was it all about??? She wanted to go blonde... I told her not to, because many blonde women in today's society receive trouble, dirty comments and bad jokes because they are dumb blondes... How do i know this??? I was bullied for most of my school life for being one of those dumb blondes.. Not looking for your sympathy.... just to let you know that there is some asshole on this site that made me feel like shit today by bringing up how much she hated me because I was stereotyping blonde women..... "Actaully, it's already done, and it looks good on me. BTW, make all the stupid, idiotic stereotypical jokes you want; they're just be deleted as sone as I get them because I hate your kind. No wonder I hate people so much when they typescript people based on such idiotic things like hair color." Thanks a lot to this person, who brought back all the evil memories of the horrors i suffered, simply for being a blonde...

Death haunts my ever living corpse and it haunts the crevasses of my soul. Death brings pain to the human spirit and death brings joy to the heartless. My spirit is crushed beyond the point where it may be salvagable... Morbid thoughts run through my head... Trying to find means of justification for the torment that the end of another life brings. I am not dead... I live on. What is the reason for this?? By the way.... my uncle Peter from Belfast died Tuesday night from a diseased liver. He was an alcoholic. Finally, he is free from his addiction, and he will suffer no more...

By the way, Ray is my LCVP teacher. You'll never guess what??? I'm sick again and on a course of antibiotics. I think they are supposed to make me feel better, but they're having a bit of an anti-placebo effect on me!!! I feel worse after every one I take!!! Its some sort of chest and throat infection that you only get if you are a smoker.... the doctors are kinda baffled seeing as I don't smoke and all... So it's not a good idea to smoke, or associate yourself with a smoker cuz you'll die of cancer and somehow they'll be as fit as a fiddle wondering how it happened to you and not them..... Finally getting help with my maths... looking like I might actually pass the old LC!!!!!!

Well im finally back which means i am very aggressive and moody. couldnt be bothered to answer all of your cooments from the last entry... way too lazy after the hols.... gotten nice and fat... make a cannibal real happy so i would. sorry to mastersage for deleting the hamster but he just got too big!!!! i have a hamster but he's vicious!!! my big collie cross dog is afraid of the wee bugger.. hes a russian dwarf and hes huge.... big fecking mutant hamster!!!!! so get commenting people... glad to see yas are all watching yourselves on the road. who likes two scoops of ice cream?????? god you gys have real weird usernames!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Right, it's the last day of Irish school..... and everyone is getting knocked down by lorries!!!!! I'm serious, there's 4 people killed by lorries in the past two days... So as a warning, if you see a lorry on the road..... RUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!! And if you see anyone jumps a red light..... PHONE THE GARDAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unless you're not Irish, cuz then its 911!!!!!! So basically kids, be safe on the roads... And remember: It is NOT cool to say you got run over by a fiat punto! At least jump out in front of a new merc.... give it a couple of scratches... and pick a slow one, just so it doesn't actually kill you! And that's the news for today folks!!!!!! Ps Don't get pregnant....

Will you please TELL me when you add me as a friend so that I can add you as a friend too!!!!!!!

Class! I go away for a couple of days and come back to 17 comments!!! Thanks guys, you really cheered me up!!! Not that I was depressed but it made me happier. On a Monday morning, sitting in the computer room at school.... BORRRRRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGG!!! Had a quiet weekend. Finally got to see me boyfriend after all these days!!!!! Go check out his diary... He's Deadandgone!!!!! I mean, thats his username... he's not actually dead and gone!!!!!