Everyone's got this thing going where they are telling you off. Guess it's my turn, but that's not what's going to happen.

You are doing exactly what I did and feel exactly how I felt when I lost her, Garrett. Your disgust of her apologizing to us is the same shade as when I said the same hurtful and pathetic things to her when she did the same for you all of those months ago. As a result I did everything in my power to make her hurt and in time I could only hope you pull your head out of your ass like I did and realize the person you are missing when you make the decision that she isn't worth it. She is the biggest of all of us because she has made the choice of us. She continues to make that hoice as well. She will make the choice of you again even though I might not believe she should like she made the choice of me again when the entire group of you thought the same. That's not a fucking flaw, that's a person who understands priorities. Her way of dealing with life is the most sound of all of us. Ten years ahead of her and I still wish I had her attitude whe it comes to dealing with the people I care for. She is the textbook of a friend for life. I feel like I could actually count on her to fulfill her promise that she'll always be there. She won't be the same role as she was for me when she said those words, but that's another mistake on my part. I was in the wrong for many reasons and I own that. My relationship with her was an unhealthy one and it took the kick in the ass for me to understand that and take it down to the level it needs to be for us. I was a selfish prick and wanted her all for myself. To me "Best Friend" turned into something different. She became more and it was so, so, wrong of me to do. Kayla called me out on it for so long and in my denial I kept telling her she was the problem, not me. I was SO the problem. The problem has been solved. I do believe that our friendship is at the level it should be now, but it took direct hits with emotional torpedos for it to be so.

You claim that Kayla was being manipulative, but both of us know who was the ring master of that chain of events. The initial plot that started the trouble was my idea. Even bringing it to your attention that Kat was "Ruining" the SC with relationshit was my idea. What I did was not to hurt Katey, but she ended up getting caught in the crossfire of the person I was aiming at, Katie. She stood beside her friend and I indiscriminately took out my anger at her as well. Petty?... of course it was, so much so that even I could not continue on with it. After a while I couldn't continue because even at my most heartless I still have a piece of heart that knows what I was doing was wrong. So stop saying Kayla was manipulating you, because boy, you don't know just how much I was manipulating the both of you during that time for my petty grudge. I created a monster, like frankenstien, that eventually I lost control of. I am not proud of my involvement in the fall. I said horrible things. Things that were out of pure, unadulterated, hatred of you. Talking to Katey about it now she showed me even in a fit of rage how pointless it was. She has that tendoncy to do that if you pull your head out of your ass and listen. I owed apologies to others, but those people don't want my words. I'm already dead to those individuals as expressed in their thoughts. Can the words "I'm sorry" make up for anything malicious involving "cancer"? Yet another example of how my anger of you misdirected onto others and I ABSOLUTELY regret that.

Here's the kicker... and this is to your benefit. She'll talk to you again and so will everyone else you toss aside. You have a tendoncy of surrounding yourself with people far better then you and rarely appreciate them. People with true compassion and forgiveness in their hearts. I guess they'd have to to be friends with the both of us. She probably had to dig really really deep to accept my apology. No doubt that she'll accept yours too if you hadn't already took your head out of your ass and did it by the time your mental carpet bombing was done. I hope you do apologize and get your priorities straight. Unlike everyone else around here who'd rather you rot in hell, I understand that you have a place in her life no matter how much she might want it to go away. The only person who could cement that place away is you. And dude, you are doing a fine job of that. Like I did. I am not your better. I could have never talked to her again and let my thoughts of her fester until she died in my heart... but the mold wouldn't take. I shook it off and asked her humbly for her forgiveness. I hope you do the same.