What happens when apologies are no longer sufficient?

What happens when in essence all you are doing is apologizing for just being yourself?

It makes the act of apologizing obsolete and that's the road block that ended me.

I am

Manipulative

Dependant

Self-preservating

Vengeful

Condescending

Arrogant

and

Prideful

I have some redeeming qualities as well, but it wasn't those that got us where we found ourselves Five years later.

I remember that moment in Scott Pilgrim Vs. the World where Scott apologizes to Kim for "being me". It maybe was what she needed to hear, but did it mean that he was going to change? We never know.

I'm also sorry for all of those things that are me that led to the blowing up of our bridges.

Everyday, however I am reminded that in the darkness of me I am still all of those things. My coworkers have felt in some way my faults as a human being and looking back I could say that...

I am downright villianous.

If given the power I would be like Gideon, like Light Yagami, like Ozymandias, and like Jigsaw.

I failed you at my weakest.

That is my regret, and it is the ghost that will haunt me until I pass from this world.

No one to blame, but myself... I'm sorry you had to see who I really am and that I infected you so much. It's for the best I'm out of your lives.

This sounds like some pathetic attempt at some grasp for pity. It's not, it's just how I rationalized the fall out. By all means, just take it for what it is and forget about it. I'm sorry too, but when you are the problem like Scott was maybe it too is worth a short smile and never knowing any further past the end credits.