Casting in my mind, i skim for traces of you Wasting my time, i drip fantasies and thoughts and Recite all the possibilities in my head. Every moment now is frustration; skin wrapping and suffocating Every night is an internal journey of discovery and enlightenment: (Tonight, i learn again the ways i am nothing) Every thought is coupled with another, Blocking any possibilities of forward continuity And despite how i preach my heart, Plague my own mind with those words pouring from my pencil, I suffer this disease of mind, to scare myself and waste me away. And at the end i can safely say, i've done so much Of all the things that matter: Crying and praying, wanting and failing. I wonder what you'd do, if you saw me now What you'd think, will you feel the same? If i stroked you, would you see me as i hope? Fantasy: You stirred, i refused to sit by and watch, so i ventured close. I reached my hand out to the darkness and spoke your name. You snapped at me- and i pulled back- and spoke your name again. And stroked your face. And lay with you. And gazed into the black And i said: mine again. Together at last. I remember every smile you've ever given me, Every time you've ever held my hand. Remeber how i love you. My god , how i love you. (We're both so locked within ourselves That neither of us can speak. We feel like a fucking idiot. I'm sorry i can't be who you want me to be.) My insect float to your skin in attraction, their blood is for you: The midnight moths dance to your eyes And break into fire in the sky. But i no longer know you, and you recall me But i'm holding where i think your Hands might be.