Um, hello.....haven't written in a long time...maybe its cuz I actually have been able to talk to a real person about whats going on in life, so I haven't felt the need to write here... So, about 2 days ago I was having a really horrible day, the guy I had a crush on was just dumb and apparently has no clue when it comes to girls, so i was upset over that, and then I was upset, but I didnt know why the next day....Then yesterday was probably one of the most amazing days I had, because my roomate had a breakthrough and told me everything that had been going on and she appologized...we got along so good, better than we have in months... I just love her so absolutely much that it killed me not talking to her, or getting hugs back from her and not feeling like she loved me.....It hurt me even more that I knew she was upset that I have become so close with my brother (her fiance)....That is probably my biggest fear, is that she would be mad that my brother and I are close, and she would ask him to stop, and that he would back off and we wouldn't be close anymore.... Oh my word, that breaks my heart so so bad. Just the thought of losing him as my friend and brother and the person I can trust with anything breaks my heart....He is my world and I'm not sure I would make it...I don't really want to talk about it... I wouldn't want to lose her either...we have been best friends for years and she has been my rock for all 5 of them....she means the absolute world to me...I'd be lost without her So today was okay...I got up late and was a bit late for class...I was out the door and I heard a voice saying, "eh, you mine as well just skip and do other stuff, luke and becca wont know"..so I walked back in, and as soon as I did, Luke imed me and i(stupidly) answered back...then he called me..BUSTED...then we got in a bit of joking around argument, but then he threw my financial support in my face and how im waisting it, and I flipped my lid...I realize now that it was totally satan grabbing a foothold of where I am weak...oh that hurt so bad though coming from him...I've had things, sensitive areas thrown in my face for all my life, and I never expected it from him...I needed to hear it though, because what he threw in my face I have been trying to deny for a long time...so in the end it was fine....I didnt want him to be upset all day though, so i just told him i would be fine after awhile...but still he has been upset and weird all day... It breaks my heart when he is like that...I just want to cry so bad...plus i am so flippin exausted, I could go to bed now and sleep until thursday...lol...that would be fun.. BUT...I have the Christmas formal tomorrow!! I love dressing up! it will be so fun :0) ...plus I have to go watch elf now!! Yay!!! Don't worry, I'm fine and not angry anymore..i think im just cranky from being tired...I love you guys.. ~Aubs~