Feeling: Crappy Yeah, so States was okay for my first time, but if I had done it last year, I would've actually qualified to regionals. I fell on floor, vault, sort of bars, and luckily not beam, even though my series didn't count. 33.3 34.0 was the qualifying score. I could have been a Level 9 Floor State Champion. Now look at where I am. My best all around score was a 33.55 recently with a fall on every event. What kind of gymnast am I?! I did the same level (Gold) last year as I am doing this year and last year I was scoring high 34s and 35s. I don't know what the hell to do. I don't even know if I want to keep this up. It's torture every day knowing I could be better. Knowing I could just fucking win and everything would finally be worth it. My body isn't wearing down like Ali's. Instead it's my mind. Honestly, Ali's is worse, because at least she has a real fucking problem to deal with. She doesn't want to quit just yet - she still has 3 weeks. So close to Regionals. So close to completing the best and last season of her life. I just don't know what to do for myself or for her. I wish the answers would come. I wish life wouldn't be so hard - too bad it really is. I wish I could get my act together. I wish I wasn't scared shitless of Gymnastics. And I wish I wasn't hating Gymnastics at this point in time. UGH! It's wrecking everything. I'm doubting everything about myself and my situations. Please, just- UGH. I can't find anything to help me with this except crappy movies and sleep. And lots and lots of water. Just, Help. Just reading this is helping. Thanks. I wish all of you with similar problems hope and I really truly hope you do better than I'm doing, or how Ali's doing. Love, Good night and sleep well, even though you, in particular, won't be reading this anyways. Yeah - I'll go now before I say something incredibily stupid. Bye for now. Amikra