so yeh i went to bed at 12- woke up at 9...thats 9 hours of sleep so why am i so tired?...oh yeh bc the thought of being up at 9 is scary to me...i never wake up this early with no school and stay awake...what is wrong with me? lol...anyway, im just so happy that i have no more school. i feel sometimes if like, i got so tired of living in my other life...other life meaning, involving my self with friends who i didnt really like.....relate to...or relate with if thats the case.... but, im like finally able to chill w/ some of my friends, old and new...old being way back when i was young didnt care what i did or said... i feel as if im accepted.. i mean sure i feel accepted now..just some ppl at the school seem to accept me for me..but to think of it, they really didnt.. hm.. i dont know...sometimes i just wanna be left alone.. im tired of ppl runnin their mouth about me when really, half of them barely even know anything about me. you dont know what i think, what i like, what i enjoy doing, none of that....i dont even know who id consider my true best friend...ok maybe true best friend thats a girl.. i know who my best guy friend is..thats ben...hes the only one that knows far more than what my own family knows. sometimes he and i just fight...we wont get along sometimes, but i do need him bc he is the only one that ive noticed that can quite understand me at times. but besides that... i look at these girls at school - they either a) dont like other females.....well that gives us something in common bc i dont get along with other or very many -if at all- females...maybe just the females i grew up with and i kno they wont screw me over..there is only one of them..thats michelle wingard...wait i cant even say that the ones that grew up with me...michelle and i have known each other since 1st grade...but ppl i also grew up with turned their back on me, betrayed me, or offically screwed me over...so that was in a way hypocritical i guess... but besides that....im feeling the need to want to move on with my life...explore whats out there....hell there is no more school...i wont see half those ppl again-- thank god for some...and damn that too bc ill miss some.... but thats life.... i guess thats why god wanted me to meet those people..it shaped me who i am today and now im here giving my self a wake up call...all the shit in the past- thats in the past..i cant change that...no matter how much i could ..i would.. but i cant.....so i plan on just moving on and getting on w/ my life... somethings will never be the same.....anyway...so i feel so much better lettin that shit out lol..thanks for listenin and if u read this far- damn im suprised :)...later -1- ;) -shannon