i havnt written in a long time. hopefully, that will change. let me see, im 16 now. as of a month ago. annd everything has been fine. also its spring break. i dont think i ever realized how short spring break is. plus, monday will be one year that arin was killed in the car crash. and in no means does it seem like a year. i still miss him soo much.and then on tuesday im going to our annual trip to seaside yay. i hope it will be fun this year. and sometime when i get back i have to buy our warped tour tickets. soo much to do. but im taking it a day at a time. and hopefully will not get stressed out and relax this spring break. i just took a shower. and wow was i scared. i saw the ring two last night and i didnt even watch half because iwas so scared. i coverd my eyes.. heh. and so i was scared to take a shower and had to not think of it. so yeah, i also got my hair cut again, annd i love junior mints. anyways... i have to go to target. COMMENT MEbyebye<3nicole.

so, its the new year. my new year festivies were alright. we hungout watched garden state until like 10:30ish and then the last hour of 2004 went by quickly. and then it came, we watched the ball drop all played The new year by deathcab really loud. went outside, hugged.. and it was the new year. thennn people drank a little i fell asleep for an hour woke up stayed up till like 7 or something and then finally went to bed. yeah. i know kinda boring but whatever.. well since our fridge is broken im going to go dig and find something in another fridge. ill message later. comment me!<3<3<3

hello all. its friday and i should be packing to go to my dads house but i really dont want to go so i guess im not packing. other then that i am listening to stray light run. they are really good. skjhfhaadsf i hope wil everything that something corporate comes here. they are in arizona on february 12th, and im hoping that they come to oregon. oh my gosh. it would be the best birthday present ever. you've got noo idea. wow. i cant even think about it because of the fact that they might not come and that will be really sad. they havnt comehere since early last year. and i really hope they do. im watching the newsish. oh yeah! im going to be on the news. on channel 12 during the week before christmas i think. bluuh its going to be fun but at the same time annoying because i dont like to be on camera. soo i dont know. jshfdjsdhfjsdhfds oh yeah and snow patrol ANOTHER ONE of the favorite bands.. of all time. and guess what. they came and guess who wasnt there. oh yeah right, ME! it was horrible. but they played it on the radio which im not sure if it made it better or worse. heh well anyone go to any good concerts? oh yeah and does anyone have any good present ideas for boyfriends? i need some.. PLEASE thanks! <3<3<3nicole

wow. so much has happend. since i wrote last. first of all. i have been to two concerts in the past few months,i know not a record or anything but they were both pretty good. one was deathcab for cutie and pretty girls make graves, they were alright. i thought deathcab could have done better but it was still a pretty fun concert. and then two, taking back sunday matchbook romance fall out boy and the sleeping. that was an awesome concert. and then the day after the real concert we met up with the sleeping in the record store and saw there in store music thing. which was also fun because we got to talk to them for a while. anyways, what else.. oh yeah. bush won and measure 36 was put into place. whats going to happen next.. ? we are all going to die you know. bush is going to kill us all with his random warness. a n y ways. its VERY cold here in oregon. which is surpriseing, but you know the one time when we have the tempature for snow, we have no rain. how can there be no rain in OREGON. i know its retarded. hmm what else. i dont know. anyone have any RANDOM QUESTIONS for me? ill answer anything. that would be pretty fun! :) ill be off now. until next time. <3 <3 <3 <3nicole

Taking Back Sunday - A Decade Under the Influence i love that music video. i am going to see them on october 10th, i have already seen them at warpedtour. i cant wait. anyways. leave me comments weather you like taking back sunday or not. byebye! <3nicole

hello. does anyone know how to load a background picture? i cant figure it out.. please tell me. thank you. anyways. uhm nothing new here. i just wrote a whole entry and it got deleted. thsi sucks. so im not going to write it out again so im just going to end this short. thank you and goodbye!<3nicole

hello everyone. school is so close and summer is coming to an end. im sad to see it go but i am looking forward to school. seeing all the people. anyways. i went school shoping again. this time to 23rd got two shirts and a skirt, i think im pretty much done. but whatever. im watchng the vh1 awards on tv... pretty fun stuff, ashlee simpson was just on, and you know shes pretty awesome. yesterday was one of my best guy friends funeral. if thats what you even call it. it was okay. his grave has a nice spot under the trees right next to the forest. a lot of people were crying but i was fine except for to see his girlfriend and mom cry the too strongest people of the whole thing. was pretty hard. anyways, afterwards i went back to his house where all his friends were and we hung out the entire day, it was good to see all of them this whole ordeal was brought people a lot closer. which is a good thing. anyways. thats all i have to say for today. goodbye. <3 nicole

hello! how is everyone? the summer is almost to an end. two more weeks and i would have to say.. the summer was fun but kinda boring at the same time. i have been gone so much this month, which kinda really sucked. first camp and then montana. i mean it was all fun and such but there were major times when i wish i was at home. also i come back and it starts to rain 24-7 i mean, this is oregon that i live in but i expected the 100 degree weather like im used to this summer. so anyways, has anyone ever seen pearl harbor or dirty dancing havana nights? would you please tell me what you thought of them? yeah. sooo.. things have changed this summer. very much so. im in a relationship i guess..? what makes an relationship offical? any ideas? well yes. i have to go get ready for the boring day. talk to you all soon. goodbye and have fun! <3<3nicole

so hello again, i havnt writen in almost a month! wow. this has been a busy month at that. lemme see.. so school ended, then i got to be with my friends a lot of june, then july 4th, wow total mess.. because we were with some guys, who were with some 8th grader.. and all of a sudden, he decides to light a ilegal firework, in he middle of a park and public area. well, tony, the "police officer" of my neighborhood, RUNS over and hand-cuffs the little boy.. and is swearing at him. (i didnt know police officers could swear like that.) and then he takes him away. we si there for a bit, and then he comes back and asks us who lives in the neighborhood. then he YELLS at us becuase those of us who do didnt put their hand up highenough.. wow. and then he tells us all that we can ever come back to the park and greenway (where all the people are, and fireworks) until july 5th.. and that we need to stay in our homes or else he would come hand-cuff us... WOW. can a situation be more retarded, i dont think so... then anways, a few days later my best friend inga, leaves for croaita.. (which is in europe, for all of you that dont know.) and so now im left with my other best friend and a bunch of guys. so afew days after that we go to warped tour.. pretty awesome.. met soo many people.. (taking back sunday, my chemical romance, the matches, early november,......and MANY more.) annd then we come home and i hang out with my friends more and more and more.. and then i go to my dads house. (totally boring) and then i go back to my mummys and hang out more.. with my friends.. mostly.. like drew, cory, logan ryan, HALEY OF COURSE, and some other people.. now. im at my dads house, and i just got back from a goodish weekend camping and white water rafting in roseburg, oregon. im here for a week when i will go back to my moms and then go to camp for another week.. when i will come back for 4 days.. yes 4 days and then leave again for montana.. oh joy. wow.what a SOOO great summer.. not..really. the only good parts are hangiin gout with my friends, a lot of my friendships have grown with people.. and im glad for that. well. thats all for now.. maybe ill write more this week or one of my FOUR DAYS back.. have fun and stay safe! <3nicole

i have pictures now. http://community.webshots.com/user/imp0ssibledr3ams go check them out. <3 nicole

hello. i have had so much going on that i didnt have anytime to write anything till now. let me see. uhm finals started today at school, i only have three more days of school, plus getting out early every day at 12. which is so awesome. i come home. eat. sleep. watch tv. watch days of our lives (OF COURSE) study for finals. eat more. talk online. more studying, and then bed time. what a day. also i got my first guitar a while ago which i have been playing with everyday, how fun it is. but other then that i really cant say anything else. when i can tho, i will fill you in on everything. <3 always, nicole

god. i hate my mom sometimes. she only thinks about herself. amd thats it. she gives us rides places as a way to show she is a "good mother" but in fact. anyone could give rides. and soon she wont be used at all for anything. every since she got married its onlty been about her and steve. i cant handle it, everything is so retarded. god i hate this. i have nothing to celebrate for mothers day. and shes throwing a fit because she doesnt get to "be with us" the whole day. no we are going with my father and step mother and grandma for breakfast. and she cant handle that. shes so selfish. i cant handle this.

..today was a strange day. it started when i got up this morning, i had one of the best dreams of my life. it was about arin... that he had he wasnt really dead and it was all a mistake. and i went to see him at someones house and i gave him the biggest hug and told him that i loved him so much. he was so strange in my dream, so quiet and so like paleish? so gentle and so awesome. it made me really happy when i woke up.. but i was soon sad because i knew it wasnt true. and then today.. i went to school, it was the same.. as always.. until science when i have it with my best friend, inga. and she brought up that exactly one month ago, arin had been in the car crash. now, i dont know thats up with that. i havnt had a dream in like.. FOREVER. that i remember anyways. and the one dream i have about arin was on the day he died one month earlier. i scare myself sometimes.. i think i see him watching me or something. i think i want to see him so bad that i invision him standing somewhere watching me. i miss him so much. and i still dont understand why it had to be. but becasue of this, so many things have changed. all of his friends have gotten closer.. and i can talk to more people now. and it makes me not joke about death anymore like saying "im going to kill you" or something, i try not to anymore. because joking about death isnt worth it when it happens. it also makes me mad when people come ask me about the buttons we have of arin that say things he used to say.. and they dont get it. and they ask if its my boyfriend or soemthing or laugh at the saying.. (they are pretty funny) but they dont know about it.. i wish everyone knew about it so people wouldnt have to make us feel the way we feel. and then of course, all of my classes we have to do stuff about friendship. and who your best friends are. and car crashes and why its good to wear your seat belt and why you should, and what will happen if you dont. and its just hard. its like we are going through some test, to see who is the strongest. i want him back so bad. i wanna hug him soo much. i loved my dream. i dont ever wanna forget it. all this has also made me think tiwice about getting in arguements with people. or saying goodbye or anything. because, it really could be the last time you ever see that person. i dont know what to do anymore. nothing really, i guess we just have to keep moving on. one step at a time and day at time.... on a better note. i planted my peas today. -nicole. leave a comment please.

so i woke up this morning to Hoobastank - the reason. that was good, but when i opened my eyes i rememberd i was in my new room.. kinda freaked me out. but then i tried to go back to sleep. i couldnt so i got out of bed around 7:30am. when i came up stairs.. no one was wake.. (which is odd because the parents normally get up at like 4!) so i got online and sat around for a bit then they came up.. i sat around some more...and more... and a little more.. until around 8ish i started to make crepes! the batter anyways. then i put it in the fridge and got ready.. then went to home depot. where we looked at doors for my new room... (my dad wants bifolded doors..but i REALLY want glass french doors. awesomeness.) we came back we cooked the crepes. we ate them then i got online and started writing this.now its 11 and im still bored. mover people are coming later to move the big screen tv that is in my room right now.. into the parents room (darn) then we can put up my king size bed and everything will be okay. the only bad part yet.. is that when reaching for a plate while making to crepes i hit my hand on something and it started to bleeeeeed and now its hudge and it hurts.but thats all.im wearing my saves the day shirt today. funness. it keeps rainging probably meaning i wont be able to drive the boat for a while.so i will probably sit here all day watching tv and knit. yes knit. because i am just so cool like that.. well thats about all for now.. talk to you all later. -nicole

WELL. im bored. no one is online and im bored. i moved rooms today. i have a hudge room now. (just at my dads tho) and i took two out of the three tests i need to take to get my boatting licence. annnd this weekend we got new neighbors as well. we got so much stuff done that it seems like sunday.. but its only saturday.wow. so im sitting here and my step sister is playing on her lap top with pictures and making them retarded.. kinda amusing. other then that theres nothing new. yep. so if anyone doesnt wanna be bored... IM ME on aim. imp0ssibledr3ams talk to you all later, bye bye

well yes. i am sitting here at my dads house. (where i go everyother weekend) he lives about 20-30 mins from my mothers house. on mondays he drives me to school which sucks because i would rather spend the time driving sleeping. but today.. he came and picked us up and i kinda in a missed off mood.. like always when he comes and picks us up or the weekend meaning i cant be with my friends. which SUCKS! then he talks to me in the car and asks me tons of questions of course, when im in a "no question" kinda mood. but yes. we get to my dads house and he makes us drive the boat we have just for us because our boat test is tomorrow. and yeah... i did it with no crashes. very awesoome and then we met our new neighbors who are nice people i guess. then we ate dinner. my step sister and my dad got in a hudge fight about grades and all ended in screaming and yelling. then we went and cleaned my future room i am moving into tomorrow as well. its soooo much bigger then the one i have riht now. and im going to get a KING size bed. very nice. but yeah. thats about all. and now its 11:30 and 24 hours ago i was just leaving the saves the day show... now on a more "i hate the world" note. i hate the world.. i dislike guys and their ways.. most the time. and its just not fair. i havent had aNNY sort of anything since like.. last year. thats a long time ago.. its soo depressing.. it probably has a lot to do that i totally just like detached from everything and stopped tlaking.. and only talking when REALLY neeedeD. maybe just a little. yes. why cant guys just be like sweet and understanding or anything instead of playing games with our minds. ugh. you know, i dont even know what im saying anymoer. im soo tired. so i think im going to go listen to music and go to sleep or something.. and both my legs are totally asleep. wow. hmm yes i guess ill go. talk to you later bye.

hey. well.. saves the day was last night. what a fun show.. of course my friends and i were re on the fence. someother bands played. they were great too. ill fill you all in on the details later but now i have to pack to go to my dads house for the weekend. i just cant wait for dashboard and thrice, and then.... warped tour. awwesome. well i gotta back.. talk to you later. -nicole.

hello again. so my computer decided to get totally messed up so i couldnt do anything on this site, let alone any others. but these past days have been hard.. i cant stop thinking about my friend, arin. To make matters worse.. i have forgotten what it feels like when you like someone.. you know that feeling.. i havnt liked someone in such a long time.. (probably a year) because i have been busy with so much other stuff.. but not more then ever i need a destraction from all this drama in my life. but of course, im heading into it straight on. which means a lot of not talking. a lot of tears. a lot of meaness. a lot of wanted to be cared for. and a lot of stuff thats not true. *sigh* its not like i can run away or anything. i got warped tour tickets today.. and the saves the day show is tomorrow. and then dashboard is coming up in may which we are also going to. soo yes. bluh! ill be back tomorrow probably late night.. and tell all about that show! ( who of course.. we are going with my ex boyfriend. ugh!) whatever ill get over it, im not going to let him ruain a perfectly awesome night. Also, im having a making pasta fedish, and i drinking coke icee addiction. im completly in love with them. i really want a icee machine. that would be so awesome. i also want a mini fridge and a mini microwave. aww. the greatness. well... im leaving soon to go to this neighbor hood thing.. a while back, one of my neighbors was shot and killed by the police for doing nothing and now they are coming back and telling us what " happend " you know that thats going to be all like.. oh yeah it wasnt my faltish stuff. buut i guess its good to have both stories. soo im going to that at 7, and im waiting for my friend inga to come because she has nothing better to do. now lemme fill you in on something, i have like two best friends. haley and inga. we call our sleves trop becasue its too hard to say haley and inga and nicole all the time. and then besides that, we have like 10 friends at westview, and like 10 at sunset, and like 10 from other schools. but you know, most of those people are the poeple who would talk to and hang out with but you wouldnt like hang out every day and call up in a time of need... you know? well yeah.. things were so much better when you didnt have to worry about everything.. we all kinda just gave up with the popular "ohmygoshiloveabercrombie" thing... wow.. its retarted how they shallow they can be.. ALL the time. well yes. i guess ill go now.. talk to some more people online. byebye -nicole.

immm hurtting everywhere and im tired and i have school tomorrow annnnd i need to do my homework and i hate school and life sucks. i could probably go on, but that would bore you. i just watched uhmmmm...cheaper by the dozen. it was so sad. and like since its been so hot and all. my allergys are bad and i cant breathe and this sucks. wellllll i have to go ask my mummy something and then go to a SOFTBALL GAme of my friends and see her brother who just came back from the IRAQ! wow.... ill be back later.

ugh.. im writing this.. i figured... since all thats happend with arin.. and stuff.. since he will have no one to tell his secrets anymore, the only place he really could express himself was online. and just incase something was ever to happen to me. i want to express myself somewhere. where people can read and get to know me or i can tell my secrets and no one will know until i feel like letting them know. Other then that. i guess i really have nothing to say. i just hate all this.. ever since he died i have been so... speechless. im not sure. im eatting saltines. they are very good. well, im going to bed for tonight.. post in a bit. goodbye.