What I wrote yesterday was just a huge blur of emotions. I don’t really remember writing most of it. Probably because it was so late at night, I’m not sure. I’m re-reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower and it really is a great book, I forgot a lot about it since the last time I read it last year. I want to read Hard Love, not only because I heard it was a great book, but I think if I read this book, I might understand why you started to hate me. Taylor and I called Greg, he was very mean to me as usual. I don’t understand why he is. I really don’t. I've never really been mean to him, I have joked around, or I have gotten mad after he said something to or about me, but I have never just out said something mean. I don't see how he could be so horrible to someone who cares for him as much as I do, but then again, he has no idea how much I care, because I guess I don't really seem to show it. And this all makes me very upset, he’s horrible to me, absolutely horrible, and then I can see what a gentlemen he can be to someone else. It really hurts because he used to be nice to me, I don't know what changed. Anyway, he assumes things too much, and sometimes he can be right, but not all the time. I’m sick of writing about him, but he’s the only one who is making me feel right now. The fact that we have grown apart and hardly ever talk, and when we do talk, it’s to argue, upsets me very much. Taylor asked on the phone today, while Greg and I were having one of our little “arguments” “Is this all you guys ever do anymore?” And I said “yeah, basically.” Then Greg said something, but it was too quiet for me to hear. It was probably a smart ass remark anyway. I’m trying not to use pronouns as much, if you can tell. I am just so used to using “him”, “you”, “it”, “her” because I never wanted anyone to know what I was talking about. But now it doesn’t really matter, so hopefully by using people’s real names, and me trying to direct who I’m talking to, it will let you understand what I’m trying to write about more clearly. I’m not doing such a great job of it though… Sorry I love the song “I’m Killing Loneliness” by HIM. It’s my favorite song right now. every time I feel like I need to know how Greg used to love me, or how he used to be nice to me, I’ll go and look through the old notes and e-mails, but I actually haven’t done this since July [I think] because once I do, do this, I get very depressed because I realize how horrible he is to me now, and how now, he is like a completely different person. Excuse me, he is. Anyway, writing without pronouns could get me in trouble Eh. Love, Colby