[19] Numb

by dragonfly on April 18th 2004, 12:00AM

Feeling: wonderful

alright im full confused. i dnt feel nething wen i got 2 church or synrg (youth) or nething nemore. im fully lost. i look around me n i see everyone getting into it n crying out to god, but i just dnt feel wot i used to n tht confuses me... i want to feel like i did, maybe i'm holding something back, i dno i'll hav to tlk 2 rach or celia or anita... soon i hope, coz i dnt wanna go to boot camp feeling like i do... or maybe i will find out at boot camp... after all thts wot its for, to save me school n to follow god n everything ... i just wanna feel like i used to, i dnt feel the security i used to. i want my life to be perfect wiv god. i dnt wannna feel like i do, questioning everything. i want to get into it n be a part of what i used to. i stand there n worship him but i just dnt feel nething. ugh well neways stuff is goin bad with the person who asked me to leave the site, as i thought it would. what should i do? i really dnt wanna leave all u guys but i do respect the person tht asked me to... what do u think? -love ali x0x0x

Read 13 comments

oo ic. well maybe you should do what ya thought of doin.. you won't read her diary and she won't read yours. if she still has a problem with you bein' here, then.. hmm i dunno, just do whatever you think would be right i guess. bloopdiary.com is pretty cool lol.

anyway, i don't consider myself religious really anymore, altho i still believe in a definit evil and good.. and an after-life. i want to believe in god and jesus but i just get.......

[Anonymous]

awwwwwwww thankz I'm glad u r proud of me I am 2. Still no cuttin yay. I'm glad a made u smile yay am alright n am gonna be fine. All gud. I dunno wat 2 du bout ma 'dad' cause e cud get in trouble u know 4 hittin me. Am all confused hmmmmmmmm. Thinkin lots neva mind wish me luk 4 tuesday. luv ya.

bless u 4 preyin 4 me u are so sweet luv ya

dnt leave I luv ya 2 much tell da person who asked ya 2 leave da a need ya.

why does ,whoever, want you to leave?

anyway, i used to go to church. alot actually, but for some reason we all just stopped goin. i've questioned things alot since i turned 15.. i was fine at 14, but now , it's different. i feel different about things and i dont really know what to believe ya know..

....filled with doubt. it's nice to have someone else around who can relate to what i'm sayin. alot of people tried shoving their opinions and their beliefs down my throat instead of just bein there to listen and talk things out..and letting me have my space. i guess thats what pushed me away.

I ave 2 talk 2 sum 1 on tues bout all dis. Scary. But tis 4 da best. Why does this person want u 2 leave? Please dnt. I'd miss ya 2 much. I still dunno bout ma dad mayby I should just move out cause da only way 2 help im is 2 tell sum 1 if I du da the person will ave 2 du summit cause tis seen as abuse and 4 him 2 get help he will have 2 face some1 bout wat e does. So a dunno. Hmmmmmmm anyways. Just dnt leave because I luv ya.

Aw youre so kind! That was a lovely comment. The guy is Ville Valo... frontman from the band HIM. I'm in love with him. Guh i'm so sad

Yay! You're back! DON'T LEAVE AGAIN IT FRIGHTENS ME. Ok, well I'd tell the person that I'd only leave if they did and then if you came back on they wouldn't know, and if they came back on then they were breaking the promise too. No losing. I think I might shut up now. (Don't listen to me)

hey
just cuz some fuck wants you to leave doesn't mean you should. if they dont like what they read on your diary tell them not to read it! don't give in just to "respect" someone...who wants you to leave anyway?

about chelsea, go read the entry i just wrote...well i'm probably gonna write one right now so go read the last couple ones i wrote and it'll tell you what i've decided to do.

[paradise]

i know just how u feel, i went through a very long period where i felt so distant from God, i didnt want to pray or read the Bible, but then i got to the point where i knew i had to make myself, and the more i read the Bible, no matter how much i didnt want to, the more i wanted to, if that makes any sense...ill be praying for you
btw, i dont know who did it to my house
God bless!

thanks on commentin back..cute journal. it seems like things r goin good for u here since ur first entry. except that one person - i dont think any one can tell u to leave tho. its an addicting site rite? and we all deserve a place to vent and talk to total strangers who just..get us. Also this person doesnt *own* sitD rite? Dont wry it seems like u still got sum friends here!

ali baa baa i love u:):):):)(non lesbo way)cough cough - jade lol! -- PLEASE DONT GO!!!!!!!!!

[lana]