okayy well lately alot has been going on, and there is someone that i have feelings for who completely fucks me around all the time. Alritey here goes the story... Guys have a brain..it is called their FUCKING DICK!!! .. On November the 25th i took this guys V. Then since we have done it two more times which i might add were good but the aftermath was terrible. He just always fucks me around and plays with me emotionally. A recent party which was on saturday night he went and licked out some slut who he supposably "hates" and SHE WAS ON HER PERIOD!!!!! how fucking disgusting is that .. oh right and then get this .. the fucker came to me afterwards for shit too and cus i was unaware what he did at the time, i did shit with him!! HOW GOD DAMN GROSE IS THAT!!!! Then i found out by the slut he licked out that he ..licked her out! i then msgd him saying "thanx for telling me u licked out .... " and then he sent one back in the morning saying "oh no, i honestly forgot that, thanx for reminding me" and then i sent anutha one bak saying " i am sure u did, i hope you had fun :|" OKay and then later on that night on the net he was like hi :S and i go hi :( and he goes "why are you upset?, i should be the one who is upset" and i was like wtf so i sed "excuse me? how would you be upset, i thought you had heaps of fun with ... last night?" and then he goes " ye well i hell regret that, bla bla bla" and then this convo went on for ages and we finally sorted it out .. but then i have been contiplating the issue over the past few days and to think how stupid i am to still like him .. WE ARE NOT EVEN GOING OUT!!! i feel so fuking ashamed to know him, to even have feelings for him after what he has done, i mean it is like he hates her with a passion and then he goes and LICKS THE SLUT OUT while she was on her period i might add!! and it is like if he says he hates her but still goes and does shit with her it makes me think well what if he is doing the same thing to me and sayn that he hates me but then comes over and visits me @ work to get shit off of me!! *ARGH* guys just fuck you around ay. How could i obsess over someone who hurts me all the time .. he also likes some other chick but he still does shit with me .. :S it is seriously some fucked up shit .. "i may have his body, but she has his heart" i just do not understand, i really dont..and the thing that is going to hurt even more is that when he has sex with aother chick .. she is going to think that she took his virginity .. but i did!! .. he is just using me as a practice anyways .. thats all guys ever do .. i am sorry if it offends some guys but the guys in australia .. it is highly true!!! .. The truth hurts!! Anyways i am still trying to figure out what i am going to do, so if anyone has any ideas please post them .. Toodles Luv Lana XoXoXoXoX

I can't believe how quickly people change. Especially when you have noticed that you are the one who is changing. It is not only frightening but mysterious because you want to know what your future is and what your destiny will bring. But then again you need to let fate take it's course. It is quite frustrating when you do not know anything about yourself. It is hard because you can't trust yourself with yourself. I mean you cannot even trust your own feelings let alone anyone else. Trust is so important these days yet not everyone knows the true meaning of trust, one of those 'everyones' is me. I feel as though i am burning inside and the only thing that can put out that fire are my tears. It feels as though no one can help and they just watch me drown and watch me fall to pieces - i am about to break. It's like i keep stumbling and falling down and no one is there there to help me up. I cannot make it through the rain. I think that alot of the time people are always questioning themselves "what is keeping me here another day?". And i know life was not made easy but then i think death must not be that hard then. So many regrets with so much shit. I broke up with my boyfriend yesterday on his birthday because we kept getting into fights and shit and cus he always dwells on the past and it will eventually lower me to his level of misery and in a "relationship" i dont want that. I mean when you are with someone you are ameant to be happy and content with that person and with him i wasn't. Anyways i got to go - So much for my happy ending.

Hey, Long Time, No Entry ay! Intriguing ;) So How Are We All? I Have Missed Everyone So Much!! Well Lana Land Has Changed A Heck Of Alot And Yeah, So Much Shit To Write. Have you ever wanted someone so bad that when you see them you cry because you know you cant be with them and then finally when that magickal time comes and you're together it's not a fantasy anymore it is reality. It suddenly hits you that the one person you have always wanted is yours but it does not feel right. God it's like you have fucking waited your whole life for this special person and now that you are with them you do not want to lose them but in some way you know it is now going to work. Love Life is so fucking complicated, i hate it but then love it, cus i have someone but then i hate it cus he is not always with me. I Feel so hesitant, irritated and extremely fragile. It seems as though every guy i meet just wants to use me and treat me like a toy but what they do not see is that toys can be easily broken!! I Also do not feel as though i have a real home. Moving house to house each week is so stressful and frantic. And if i forget something it is my fault i mean as if i have enough fucking problems or issues to worry about. I mean i am a fucking girl GOSH parents just do not get it!!! Nyways i best be going, i feel emotionally and physically sick .. Luv ya'z all hope your all gewd MWA XXxxXX

today was a hateful day, my eyes are stinging because i have cried so much. Why are some people so cruel? Do they like seeing other people in pain for fun? i feel so emotionally broken and stressed, i cant breath because i feel as though i am suffocating! Every breath i take i feel as though it is the last breath i'll ever take. I feel so helpless and dependant but no one is around for me to lean on, no one! I feel so invisible and my eyes are stinging [Acidic Tears] i feel really vulnerable. I just want to feel accepted and loved, i want someone to hug me and not let go just so i can feel warm and secure...but will that ever happen? i am not sure, i don't think so! Am i burdened?? My tears won't stop flowing and when i did cry today i couldn't breath! Everyone makes mistakes right? people are forgiven right? Well why aren't my mistakes forgiven?? Why do people keep hassling me about it, spreading rumours about me and making my life miserable! i do not know what to do anymore, how to act! It seems as though people at my school are a bunch of 'Paperazzis' just waiting to pounce on one bad move you make and scream it to the whole world! Even still if they do not get a story out of me they make it up and i am once again hated and hateful!

hehehehe hey peoplez, wowiez i havent entered a diary entry for yonkers! well how are yah all? i hope you are all well ;) Well nyways what has been happening in lana land! ... 1) i have a job :D oh yeah lol i am happy hehehee and last night was my first night and it all went well .. hay i 4got to say wat ma job was .. well im a waitress 2 a chinese resturant;) oh yeah lol!! 2) im on fireeeee for god ay it has been the blessing of a life-time to know that i have someone who is always with me, guiding me through the dark, shining down their light on me and blessing me with eternal life and love through jesus christ our LORD. :D nyesss! 3) schools been great but ii have exams coming up soon!! uh-oh! wish me luck :D ( luck ) lol im in a really hyper mood but its alrite, its okay, its fine, we're happy lol okay i'll shhhh now! nyways alot has been happening but i kinda forgot what lol sooo yea nyways i hope everyone is okay and doing well and i bless you all with the holy spirit! MWAAAAA!!!!! Please take care and remember that there is a God who loves you and Jesus who died for you oh and remember i Love you to and care for you! MWAAA!!!! God bless XXXXxxxxXXXX

hey everyone! how are you all? okay i am over michael. i am passionate for god and this time i mean it. i went to synrg camp and got re-saved and it was totally awesome i loved it!!!! we had an unbelievable preacher called "Sanga" he is an absolute inspiration!

WELL i have been fuking depressed for the last few weeks: crying myself to sleep everynite, crying everyday!, having suicidal thoughts every fuking day and night even in my fuking dreams! :O WOW i SUCK!!!! HAHA ok well i have given up on michael .. WHY? cus he fuking treats me like fuking SHIT! and WHYS tht?? CUS IM A FUKING UGLY BITCH!!!!! yeh tht right UGLY BITCH!!! i do not belong on earth becus... 1) i am ugly 2) i am ugly 3) i am ugly OH ALSO cus i am a fuking loser who no one fuking likes!!! yeh fuking loser!!! and no everyone i am not on fuking drugs im just worked up cus i am a FUKING FUKHED!!!!!!!! .::ViRGiN SuiCiDe::.Im losing my mind,i h8 evrythn,acidic tears roll down my cheeks in despair im falln! FUK IT,2MZ IT ALL STARTS

OMGsh hey!!! i havent wrote an entry in flippin ages!!!, how are yah all? okie i am totally sorry aye i have been so busy with school it like so never ends!!! okie heres a lil list! lol 1)person who sed they're going to commit suicide in comments cus of they're pethetic comment n thn my "thank u" entry = dont be so stupid cus if ur looking 4 sympathy ur looking in the wrong place cus ending ur life is stupid! 2)lana's in LOVE with the most sweetest guy called michael and i have loved him for over 2 months and still am loving him, he's so gorgus i am like obsessed with him! awwww my baby, altho we aint going out*sighs*, cus he's too good for me ( altho he's in a geeky group ) i dont think of him like that! he's my only hope!!! 3)i am attending councilling sessions and yeah things @ home are ok but i guess they go up and down..hay its all apart of life! 4)i feel sick! lol okie nyways 5)i've missed this site and all you guys so much aye!:( love yah's all stax and remember that your all special!:P nd lana loves you and cares for you to! MWA x0x0x0x0x

hey, i wana say thanx to that anonymous person for leaving that comment and saying that i was a freak! but one thing i have to add..look at yourself, you can't even own up to a pethetic comment that you "think" might bring me down..well guess what!?!? .. it doesn't, i take your "insult" as a "compliment" so thankyou and god bless!!!

ok first of all i dont like avril lavigne but i like this song cos i kind of relate to it lol. anyways on friday night i had the biggest fight with my mum ever and like i was crying for over an hour and a half and we were yelling @ eachother .. all ecause i did not want to go to her boyfriends house for the first time ever because we were going there saturday and yeah she said some really nasty stuff aswell as me i said some back! but its all good now but she still hassles me a bit! argh you get that! nywayz luv ya all and comment me lol i have no friends haha ciao lana x0x0x0x0x0xx0x0x0x

hey everyone i got 'AIM' lol im full happy add me people PLEASE lol my screen name: xxigivemyallxx my email: lanalana@aol.com lol i laugh @ my email all the time lol hahahahahahhahahaa ADD ME ADD ME ADD ME PLEASE lol luv yaz x0x0x0x

last night i had the biggest fight with my dad EVER it was bad and it was in the car and he kept critising me and we were @ a traffic light stop and i screamed like heck it aint funny and i got outta tha car nd walked to the traino crying:'( and i was like outside the trainstation and i was on the phone to rach from youth and my dad rocked up nd she sadi 4 me 2 go in the car so i did ..me n my dad didnt talk much and even now i dont talk 2 him as much..and today i was going to ring up an adoption adgency lol i kno it sounds stupid but i feel like i have no one to look up to and turn to so yea .. i am going to be independant!!:) go me lol cough cough luv lana

hey ok well it looks like people do like me .. wow what a surprise lol um i am gonna stay but i wont be on that much .. i'll still try and help you all and yeah o everyone feel free to add my msn addy lana_rox@hotmail.com ;) ciao

hey! its my birthday tomorrow ( the 8th ) .. :D well im leaving the site because i dunno its just too much and i dont think people like me on here but hay you cant be loved by everyone! anywayz take care evryone and god bless you all love you all lana x0x0x0x0x0x0xxx

How do you love someone That hurts you oh so bad With intentions good Was all he ever had But how do I let go when I've Loved him for so long and I've Given him all that I could Maybe love is a hopeless crime Giving up what seems your lifetime What went wrong with something once so good How do you find the words to say To say goodbye If your heart don't have the heart to say To say goodbye I know now I was naïve Never knew where this would lead And I'm not trying to take away From the good man that he is But how do I let go when I've Loved him for so long and I've Given him all that I could Was it something wrong that we did Because others infiltrated What went wrong with something once so good How do you find the words to say To say goodbye If your heart don't have the heart to say To say goodbye Is this the end are you sure How should you know when you've never been here before It's so hard to just let go When this is the one and only love I've ever known So how do you find the words to say To say goodbye If your heart don't have the heart to say To say goodbye

i feel literally stupid!! i have liked my guy friend shane for ages but never told him because i was scared of getting rejected and hurt! i dont know why its just because im so use to getting hurt all the time and b4 i just told him everything about how i felt for him, but i only told him my feelings for him when he told me that he liked this other chick so now i feel totally stupid and dumb!! i mean i feel jealous n all that he likes this chick now and argh im confused!!

well today school was pretty good! i mean i had a sleepover lastnight! eeeee on a school night how kewl lol!:P haha im really nervous! cos tonight my dad is comming over to talk to me with my mum and i know its not going to go good because it is to discuss my punishment about "my past" and the text messages from that awful person! argh! i am so nervous!:( - cos when these talks are over i always get upset and depressed and suicidal and i dont wanna get like that cos i like the way i am now!! *sigh* im so nervous

well things in my life go up and down and im sure it does in other peoples lives aswell! in the end from this i have learned that we all go through hard stages but to me this makes me a stronger person! i have taken in all of your guys/chix advice and i am now stronger than ever .. i thank you all so much for that! some person has been messaging my parents saying really awful things about me like i drink i smoke n i am a slut and i know for sure that i did use to drink, smoke and be a bit of a slut but i am not anymore because i have found god! and it annoys me and hurts me so much that some one is doing this to see me suffer i mean i dont get how our world could exress so much hate! it doesnt make sense! but in the end i am gonna show who ever it is that i am strong and i dont care! ( i dno who msgd my parents ) the other day my dad was telling me about work and 2 people commited suicide *THREE* and one of the guys had a 12yr old daughter! when he got outta the car to shop i cryed so much cos it hurts me to see the world in so much hate! t really upsets me . so please if you ever have thoughts or hurt yourself i am here and talk to me because you may not think that people care .. but i do!:) luv u all x0x0x0x0x0x -lana-

thank you all so much for the compliments! but i just have a low self esteem! this chick @ my school constantly tells me that im ugly and that im fat!! - eh i beleive her!! anywayz - i feel really sick right now:(:(:( as usual if i dont eat im sick if i eat im sick .. so either way .. im sick .. Grrrr its annoying sometimes:'( ok i am singing opera lol i am so so sad i have to much free time! well im not singing opera im trying to about butterflies lol!ok ok ok im ok i had the most weirdest dream lastnight! argh! lol love you all