.Its been awhile. I would write about something. But nothing exciting ever happens to me. Nobody new in my life. I completly forgot about this sitdiary, and then outta nowhere just kinda remembered i suppose. Im going to quebec for three weeks. I cant wait to get out of this place. Im done tho, ill leave some lyrics. "eyes reflecting tears of inner sadness as the fragments of my heart fall to the floor and this room where you convey a frowning mastery of lingering regret, you never let your heart go free"

. You were the antidote that got me by Something strong like a drug that got me high .

.its been soooo long since i wrote in here. i got a new computer so its all good now. . Nothing is new with me. My life is completly boring latly. . I see him all the time now. I miss him and want him soo much. But ill just keep waiting. . Well my dad has nothing to do with me anymore. The past 3 weekends its supposed to have been my weekend with him hes forgotten to get me every single night. Things at home are fuked. Im stressed. Work completly sucks to. . Going to see black eyed peas on the 15th. Dont like them much but it'll still be fun. Its a concert. .I can't shake you, no matter how much I hate you, because you captivate my mind with all my rage and you know how to get to me, even after all these years, because you knew me. One last cigarette we'll share tonight, and I'll chase down the door, wanting to leave more than stay and stare at your eyes. You're beautiful when you're wrists cry and you crawl to the floor. I'll walk away from you, wishing your eyes would stop gazing at my inner thoughts. My eyes bleed tears I never though would fall for someone so miserable yet smug. I can't feel for someone I hate, and you have to stop comming back, leave me alone and let me be. I need time to straighten out what you've done to me, what you claim was my saving, my learning. You never understood me, you always took me for granted, but I came back, always came back. Because it's me at fault now, because I let you, I let you enfold me.

its pretty late. im tired but dont feel like sleeping. Ive spent the last couple days with kim. That was fun. Went to a party type thing last nite. Took a buncha pics. i really would like to talk to mike. break the ice so things can start happening. hes not like any other guy ive hooked up with. hes the good kind. cant explain it. were probably moving. just into the town where my highschool is but still its better than this place. "You say the most beautiful things, an endless list of treasures of trimmings. It takes all my faith just to start I don't care now how much I'm wrong my song it shames your ears every sentence a failure. Slant rhyme is all I can give half truth is all I'll get. Show us all what grace can mean, all of what I might be. Close your eyes call it escape. We'll run away from everything Lie to me, love me We'll run away from everything."

she said I don’t know if I’ve ever been good enough I’m a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in and I don’t know if I’ve ever been really loved by a hand that’s touched me, well I feel like something’s gonna give and I’m a little bit angry... she said I don’t know why you ever would lie to me like I’m a little untrusting when I think that the truth is gonna hurt ya and I don’t know why you couldn’t just stay with me you couldn’t stand to be near me when my face don’t seem to want to shine cuz it’s a little bit dirty

*today was a worthless day.i was home all alone.still am.shoulda had a party or something.cuz isnt that what ur supposed to do when parents are outta town? *Fuk it.so yea, my break sucked.Im pretty much complaining about everything. *I have a hockey game tomorrow.Second last one before the season is over.So that really sucks.At least its getting hot out.Fuking summer time! *School is back on monday.Im actually looking foward to it. I get to see mike.Im forcing myself to talk to him.I cant let something like this pass me by.

havent written in here forever.. nothing new.. my life really is as boring as shit. been hanging out with new people. Its alot better, maybe even found myself a good guy. But with my luck ill end up fuking that up to. i always seem to manage somehow. Like i dont know what it is. im not a shy person. just whenever im around people i act so quiet like i dont know what to say. i keep telling my self to just knock it off. but i cant. people dont get it. ive lost two people becuz of it. maybe its becuz im scared. scared of what i dont really know yet.

Hockey wasnt as good as i thought it would be.It was fun.But you know.I got high before my second game and i was just ripped, but i had so much energy, i was all into the game. So i got voted mvp haha. our team went bowling during our game breaks.How fun was that.=|. Anyway i was waiting outside after that and two guys frum another team started whisteling.I just sorta walked away.Then they watched all of my games from behind my bench.Fuktards.At least they were decent looking. Its kool meeting n hangin with diferent ppl.Thats why i like playing guys hockey so much.Fuk sexist ppl arent going to let me next year tho.Unless i can proove myself. Ive become in those really horrible moods latly.Like feeling down alot.About i dont know.I guess its just everything.My mom said she was trying to get a job outta town.But doesnt look like thats happening.I was really looking foward to maybe moving.Starting over.Meeting new fuking people. HMmmmmmmmmmmm Im out. .keep.it.real.

Tournament in threee days. Rightt on. I get to seee Him!!! Keep.it.real.

why does tonite, have to end? why don't we hit restart, and pause it at our favorite parts. we'll skip the goodbyes. if i had it my way, i'd turn the car around and runaway, just you and i.

well i just got back from kenora. I had a hockey tournament. We didnt do that well. We ended up d-side runner ups. I got creamed hard into the boards tho last 10 minutes of our final game. We stayed over night on saturday, and we were all swimming and in the hot tub after our game for like 5 hours. 4 guys from outta town that play for us sometimes came and yea one of them was like whoa. Got my mind of of shaun and that did some good. Guess it made me relize not all of them are like him. I cant wait for our next tournament in two weeks i get to see him again. Kinda sucks he doesnt live in the same town tho.

I decided to change the look of my page a bit. well actually not a bit its nothing like it was before.But yeah i like it. Gotta love the box car racer lyrics.

school was cancelled cuz its sooo cold out. Like almost in the -50. Yea ur probably thinking i live in the arctic or something haha.Nah good old cananda.Hmm i have alot of homework to catch up on.. I want to go snowboarding. That was out of nowhere. I am getting my hair chopped off. I want something different. Hmm.

Have you ever... [x] been drunk. [x] rode in a taxi. [x] been dumped. [ ] shoplifted. [ ] been fired. [x] been in a fist fight. [x] had sex. [ ] had a threesome - kissing or otherwise [x] been kissed [x] snuck out of your parent's house. [ ] been arrested. [ ] made out with a stranger. [ ] stole something from your job. [ ] celebrated new years in times square. [ ] went on a blind date [x] lied to a friend. [ ] had a crush on a teacher. [ ] celebrated mardi-gras in new orleans. [ ] been to europe. [x] skipped school. [x] thrown up from drinking. [ ] lost your sibling. [x] played 'clue'. [x] went ice skating. [ ] dropped x. [ ] cheated on a bf/gf. [x] been cheated on. [ ] had a sweet sixteen. [ ] had a quinceanera. [ ] had a car. [x] drove. [x] kissed a member of the opposite sex [ ] kissed a member of the same sex [x] had feelings for someone who didn't have them back [x] given or recievd oral sex [ ] danced in front of people [ ] played strip poker [ ] slapped someone i loved [ ] been in an abusive relationship (abusive emotions) [ ] wanted to kill yourself [x] taken painkillers [ ] faked being drunk [x] been to canada [ ] been to mexico [ ] eaten sushi [x] seen someone die [X] lied to get out of trouble [ ] dropped out of school [x] been pregnant or got someone pregnant [x] done something you really regret [x] made someone you love cry Do you... [ ] have a bf. [ ] have a gf. [x] have a crush. [x] feel loved. [x] feel lonely. [ ] feel happy. [x] hate yourself. [?] think you're attractive [x] have a dog. [x] have your own room. [x] listen to rap. [x] listen to rock/heavy metal [x] listen to r/b [x] listen to techno. [ ] listen to reggae. [x] have more than 1 best friend. (2) [x] get good grades. [ ] play an instrument [x] have slippers. [ ] wear boxers. [x] wear thongs. [x] like the color blue. [x] like the color pink. [ ] cyber [ ] claim. [ ] like to read. [x] like to write. [x] have long hair. [ ] have medium hair [ ] have short hair. [ ] have a cell phone. [ ] have a laptop. [ ] have a pager. Are you... [ ] ugly. [x] pretty. [x] bored. [ ] happy. [x] bilingual. [x] white. [ ] black. [ ] mexican. [ ] asian. [x] short. [ ] average. [ ] tall. [ ] grounded [ ] sick. [ ] a virgin. [x] lazy. [x] single. [ ] taken. [ ] looking. [X] not looking. [ ] talking to someone relationship wise. [x] IMing someone. [x] scared to die. [x] tired. [x] hungry. [x] thirsty. [ ] on the phone [x] in your room. [ ] drinking something. [ ] eating something. [ ] in your pjs. [x] ticklish. [x] listening to music. [ ] homophobic. [ ] racist

hmm. i just got back from town. i went with my dad cuz i had nothing better to do. i had a hocky game this morning, we lost, big time. Shauns kicked outta school again. Pff fuk. That was ahile ago tho, i havent written for awhile. So he should be back within the next 2 weeks, if they decide nto to expel him. Im outta here. KIR =.more.that.just.a.pretty.face.=

iimmm tirred. i have sooo much hoommeewwoorrk. yea im a dummy. i was wondering why my web cam was soo blurry n i never used it becuz of that.. hmm i guess u can turn the lense to make it unblurry. how smart am i. thanks eric haha.

i am super bored.i dont write much in here nemore.havent had the time i guess.not much is new.i played hockey for a couple hours today with sum of the older guys down at the arena. that was fun . apparentltly im "good for being a girl" screw that sex shouldnt matter. shaun is home today=]

*two more days till christmas, cant wait. I havent written in here for awhile, n im at my dads, n hes never home, so im super bored. Not a whole lot is new. My sister is down from BC, its good to see her, cuz i havent in a couple months. *well i was really lookin foward to christmas this year, but its all turning so horrible. Like my mom has been so upset latly, n its brought me down seein her like that.She does so much n she doesnt beserve to be like that. *As for me n marty, were pretty done i could say, i just told him he turned into a friken jerk n havent talked to him since. But stupid me, im going right back to the thing i need to walk away from. Shaun. En, i dont know what will happen, but were gettin close again, like how we used to be, n it feels so good. *I have nothin left to say really, Have a merry christmas, hope everything's workin for ya. =.I.think.of.your.face.n.how.i.fall.into.your.eyes.=

This weekened was my hockey tournament, in our home town. and of course we lost every single game. we could have kicked ass but i dont know what happened.Pisses me off tho. So i just got back from watching the finals, kinda dissapointed it wasnt us but o well. Theres always next time. Im going to winnipeg next weekend. Shopping time again. Only for christmas shit but o well. I got a fuking slapshot to the leg yesterday in one of my games, and my leg is so swollen and bruised, it hurts like a biotch. Mom made chocolate brownies today, i got to eat the leftover chocolate mix, mmmm. haha. but im outta here. Goin for a bath. =. And in the end. We will be together. .=

today was good, went for lunch with marty. i had a awesome time. we went to the pet shop haha and checked out all the animals, i found out hes afraid of snakes, what a guy lol. hes gunna have his moms bf's car this weekend so hes gunna come and get me and were going to go into dryden. wow have i ever missed him. Other than that i won my hockey game tonight, 6-3. I had 3 chances to score on an empty net and u think i got one of them.. no brutal. But im super tired. Im outta here. Nite