This is my last entry. all this thing has done for me is wasted the last 2 years of life. i dont feel good today. emotionaly and physically. i found out a hard life lesson the hard way. never trust anybody, i never did till someday i was promised something and i trusted it. against all my intuition i trusted it and then it just snapped back and crushed me. all i got was things changed is the reason why the promise was broken. well if things change then the saying never trust anybody stands true. and boys and girls there is never such thing as true love forget about it ur boyfriend or girlfriend one of you is thinking about somebody else. i wish i could have the last 2 years of my life back so badly. i see what the world is like i talk to people at work who have friends that have sex with married women and just the opposite. opening my eyes to how the world works. i see no matter what i do i will always have to work and work hard to survive with very little time off. i have no motivation to be anything anymore. all i hope is that the surgeon general is right and smoking takes away a hour and a half or something per cigerette. i chained smoked 9 last night and 4 more after. so ive lost half a day and i stopped for a while so i got to get going if i want to catch up. i hope that my lungs will tar over and theyll be no going back. i cant wait to die no more heart break no more lies no more anything just death. no more thinking and no more loving. but i wont commit suicide because im not some teenage bitch who think he isnt loved by the world. which im just going to suck it up and wait till the smoke fills my lungs each enhale and calms me down knowing that each one is killing me slowly.