I think I have an ulcer; although, I'm not entirely sure. Hopefully, I have something they can give me medication for. I don't know why I always think things can work out ideally. Obviously, they never have or never will. I need to stop drinking sometimes. Sometimes, I just need to stop thinking, or even talking for that matter. I'd rather talk to myself somedays. Actually, I'd rather be in some sort of altered state of mind. Not drunk though. No, not that. Things always get messed up when you get sober. Somehow, reality bites you in the ass, but you never saw it coming. How could you? How can anyone? How can anyone make decisions? I can't. Being spontaneous is great, but that's the problem. The problem is in the definition of the word itself. I think I like this one best, "Arising from a natural inclination or impulse and not from external incitement or constraint." Or how about, "Said or done without having been planned or written in advance." Well, you see, that's the issue. It's just done, and then, the consequences of your action come along. Oh, they're waiting. They wait patiently for their chance in the spotlight and then they relish it. But consequences are not inherently negative; they are just what happens, and must be subsequently dealt with. Then comes the decision making. But did we not choose spontaneity for the complete opposite reason? Well I guess I'm not sure anymore. It's the conscience, guilty or not, that guides you in the end. It has control. Maybe, it's time to grasp control ourselves.