I don't know what to think. I hope to get back together with Ryan, but not right now. Maybe in a month or so. Or a couple months. I have no idea. I just need to let things mellow out, I suppose. Why does everything have to be so damn hard? Even the apparently easiest things are getting mixed up. I went in my hottub tonight, and chilled with a beer, contemplating my life lately. I think I just need a vacation - a break from it all. But I think I figured some things out today - or so it seemed. But, things aren't always as they seem. Oh, learned that lesson the hard way. I just need to go out drinking and forget life.