Hey Ya'll what's up. I know no one ever reads this diary so why do i say Hey Ya'll? Force of habit. Anyways. I have been feeling really bad lately. Like a complete failure. I moved out of my mom's house three months ago and now I am already back. I managed to find a job at a local restaraunt but I have no clue when i am going to start. it is aggrivating. Every place I call about housing has got waiting lists from hell except one that only has 3 ppl waiting, but it is in a really bad neighborhood. WHat is the Kitty to do? I just want to have a normal happy life. Why can't i ever seem to grasp that? Why Is it that whenever i start to make progress, I fall down and it seems as though i have fallen further than where I had started. it is old. I want to be happy. I want to have a good job, a family and a husband who loves me and wants to provide for me. I love Dean to death and I don't see myself ever leaving him, but he needs some help. He can't just sit in his room all the time. he has to do something. he needs to talk to someone, and if it isn't me then i don't know who and i don't care, just as long as he's talking. Because I hate to see him so depressed and i hate that there isn't a thing i can do. i just feel so helpless. I hate it because i am the one that everyone comes to for advice, i'm the smart one with all of the answers. If he were a stranger then i would prolly be able to help, but because he means so much to me i can't It is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo fucked up. AHHHHH I am nearing my breaking point. What am i supposed to do? I can't achieve any of my goals. i dunno what i am gonna do. I have soooo much anxiety and it is just sooooooooo wearing on me. anyways I am gonna go. Kitty