well i was going to delete all of these messages...but it seems like way too much work so im making a new thingy...

well i was going to delete all of these messages...but it seems like way too much work so im making a new thingy...

hmm...no comments huh... 12 people on my friends list..only about two of which actually keep up with this thing...and no one ever leaves me comments...even if you just said...hey i read your entry...i'd be happy...some of you think us no comment complainers are just being emo...but you're wrong...it matters...trust me..

Today was me and Mike's 7 month anniversary. Congradulations to us. Unfortunately...I wasn't able to see him after school because I had to meet my mom at work. But...she was finished by the time I got there so I was sent on a mission to deliver some junk to my Grandmother...who was not at home...so I just went home. School has been really boring lately... and...I need a job. I'm thinkin about trying Gaineville..sure it's a bit farther than I was looking for..but I'm sure it will be a lot easier to find a job there than it is here. However, I am still going on the pointless journey to find a job yet again tomorrow. ok i'm tired of capitalizing things... i wish that i could spend some time with mike this week...but i dont know if i can before saturday. maybe friday...if me mum feels like being nice...which i fucking doubt... if i had a job i'd go somewhere right freakin now... i talked to mike last night...online...how cool is that. he was at daryl's house...which is where he wont be tonight...but probably will be tomorrow night. he's been there the past two nights... i wish he could come home with me sometime...althought i hardly go home after school...either go see mike or meet my mom...blah blah blah...i wish i could see him now...these past two anniversaries are i think the only two that we havent spent time together on. i could have if mom didnt need me. grrr... ok i'm bored and i could probably keep writing in here for years but i've run out of things to say...so i'll go before i start complaining about my mom or something...or go on some kind of rant about how much i love my boyfriend...soooo cheers then.

well yesterday was boring as hell. i think i only went outside twice. except for that excursion to the store just to get milk because i wanted to go somewhere so badly. so mike finally called me at like ten thirty last night...i thought he forgot...yeah i know he wouldnt...dont look at me like that...it's possible... anyways, today i went to work with my mom..no fun intended...came home..daryl called me...we talked for a while..and then mike called me...wow so many people wanted to talk to me today...go figure... mike's at daryl's right now and they're doing stuff for his mommy....while i'm just sitting here wishing my mom would let me go to mike's everyday after school...i dont see why not...it's going to be pretty hard to just get out of school and then leave... besides...i only have one fucking cigarette left...and it's for tomorrow morning...yeah...one...i'm fucked..at least for a few days.. man these last two days have been boring. i'm sure this week wont be much fun...i'm sure all of my teachers can't wait to give us loads of work..yeah we had a vacation..welcome back to reality. i guess that's it...seems like i had more to say...that i almost got to say before having to get offline and not saving what i had already written here...but anyways, i'll see you all tomorrow.. cheers

well this was probably the best spring break i've ever had. you already know how i spent the first week of it....but on friday i went to pick up mike daryl and jason at rikki's house and after a few hours of haging out with her and mac we went to gainesville. ha yeah..that went well... i ended up getting us lost becuase no one else in the car wanted to speak up when none of us knew where the hell we were...then we spent a whole hour going around in circles, asking people at red lights, and everyone pointed us in the wrong direction...except the crazy guy we asked but we turned the wrong way after talking to him. and then we finally got ahold of andrew and he told us we were right there at the road we were looking for almost the whole time... then we tried to go see a movie...and you can't buy more than one ticket to a rated R movie unless you're 21...well none of us were so we were screwed out of that. so we decided to go to the mall instead. so we got something to eat, walked around in a few stores, then went to daryl's house for a few minutes, then took jason home, then went back to mike's with daryl and him. then kevin came over to hang out with them and then i had to leave. that was friday...now let's talk about saturday. got up at 8 in the fucking morning to meet everyone at mike's house so we could leave at nine....nine ...we're leaving at nine..that's what they all said...well we didnt leave until after i went to get rikki and mac and that was 10 30...yeah so i got up early for nothing...but it wasnt that bad because i slept on mike's bed for like half an hour when i got there. so then we left and went to the fair...saw like 2 people we all knew...i saw davy later on while we were leaving...mike daryl and mac rode some rides...i was watching jessica..like always... then we went to mcdonalds and ate..then went back to mike's...and i didnt have to be home until ten last night so i got to spend time with him and that was great. yesterday was a bit wierd i'll say that much...but...i guess it's nothing major. mike is in jax right now getting a physical...i'm glad that he found something to do...i am...really...it's just...something we'll have to work through... cheers...

well i think after the fourth time of trying..i might actualy write an update without an interuption...ok now.. i had one earlier.but it got erased...grr... so ok not much has been going on...at least i dont think there has been..i mean stuff has happened since the last time i wrote it's been like two weeks since i've had any interent...but i dont feel like getting into everything. so um it's spring break...it's not horrible...but ya know..i get to see mike and stuff..once already..woo..and tomorrow..and maybe friday...and saturday...of course..at the fair...oh what fun..i must admit fairs are not my favorite thing..but his mom wanted me to go so i am. um i was in georiga for a few days...then came back yesterday to see mike...saw him...and stuff....and now i'm back to "if you dont have school, you're going to work with me"..oh gee..thanks mom... im gonna be so tired tomorrow..i have to get up and go to work with my mom..go to walmart with her to buy groceries...then go to my grandmother's house and clean it...then i'm going to see mike...then i might be taking him to kyle's...yeah...tomorrow is going to be exhausting. then friday i have to work with my mom again..then i'm going to get daryl and kyle and maybe mike..a.nd we're going to gainseville to the movies. it's almost nine o clock at night...and i think i'd like to take a shower...but i'm so damn tired...i know i wont have time for one in the morning..and i still have to wash the damn dishes...geez!!!! i'll do them in the morning... yeah... that works... ahhh...i dont want tomorrow to come..that's a lot of shit to do. anyways....i think im going to take that shower...and then im going to bed..so cheers everyone....

well this weekend me and daryl did our community service. we only got 13 hours done instead of 15 because today they ran out of things for us to do. too many people were there. soo.....i came home and watched my uncle play around on my computer and stuff...and now i'm just waiting until tomorrow so i can see mike. tomorrow i have to help my mom work after school...but hopefully i'm not really grounded anymore so i can see mike this week...even though we can't do anything..for...reasons... hmm..i lost my purple nail polish... ah..found it. man we did a lot of work these past two days...im glad it's over...at least for a few weeks. i miss mike..i want to see him so bad. i wish i could have seen him today...hm...at least i can see him tomorrow...it's better than nothing and that works for me. this movie that i'm watching...scary movie 3...yeah it's pretty stupid..but they're making a 4th one..have you seen? it actually looks pretty funny. anyways i guess that's it...cheers.

well this week has been...sort of icky. especially yesterday. me and mike were having bad days..both of us..and they sort of clashed..our attitudes became bad and towards each other...it was pretty bad but...guess what... tomorrow i'm going to see him after school and then he's coming with my to see my grandmother at her graduation thingy majig...and then i'm going back to his house and we're spending time together by ourselves dammit. i think that's what has been bothering both of us..and after i mentioned it to him he agreed. so maybe that's it...i'm sure it is becuase today was fine. uh...wow..i just dropped a peice of chicken in my shoe.....that was a weird sentence but i guess it would have been weirder if i had said there's a piece of chicken in my shoe... anyways...i guess that's all i wanted to say...it's the only important thing except for this town and our school sucks and i wish some of the people who "run" it would drop dead. anywho...cheers....

well it's been a week since i wrote last...i suppose that i should go through what's been happening... well as for my mom being all mad at me and making me ride the bus..well that didnt happen. i had to drive my car because she kept needing me to go places and riding the bus i can't do that. i think only seeing mike two days in of last week and only a few hours yesterday at his party where he had to pay attention to everyone and i spent most of the time with his sister....was punishment enough..and it's not over yet..i'm not sure when she'll let me go back to his house. but it shouldnt be too long from now. i guess that's about it to talk about...the party was pretty good..the cops came 4 times...then the band did stop...but it was a pretty good party...it was a bit depressing that i couldnt spend much time with mike...or any alone..but i'll get a chance to some day...soon...hopefully... yeah...um...i guess that's it..cheers then.

well my mom came home sunday night...i thought she was going to call me to come pick her up in town but instead...heh..she went home...well i was at mike's. i dont know why i didnt go home earlier...i knew i should have but i didnt fucking want to. so she called mike's and told me to get my shit and come home...yelled at me...almost sent me to georgia...called my grandmother and dad...bitched at them..my dad talked to me like i was stupid...practically told me that i was... i have to ride the bus for the rest of the week....my mom knows i was at mike's friday night....she didnt like that...i wonder how she would know something like that..hm..i fucking wonder...*coughbitchcough* mike called me yesterday while i was at work with my mom..i told him what was going on ...my mom almost called his parents but i dont think she has yet. i'm pretty sure i wont be at mike's birthday party saturday...but i'm hoping she'll change her mind..i never really stay in trouble for long. i mean it's not like i do this kind of stuff all the time...my mom wants to be really mad but she cant. she thinks i'm not old enough to spend the night at his house...she's so full of bullshit..like some people i know... well today im going to get a prom dress..and guess what it's me and mike's six months....our relationship is great...sunday we spent hours just talking about our lives and stuff we've been through..he told me things that no one else knows and i feel really special that he can do that. we even talked about what we like and dont like in each other. and it would have kept going if my mom hadnt of called. i didnt even miss her...she was gone for 7 days and i didnt miss her at all..i wanted her to be gone forever...that sounds bad but i'm sorry...our relationship isnt that great. anyways..i have to go get dressed and stuff so um...cheers...

let's see...where do i start....i think i'll start with friday. it was a normal day...nothing special...i dont really remember much of it actually... then i took mike and his little brother home from school...told my grandmother i was staying at miriah's and stayed the night at mike's. we had a pretty...amazing time...and we're both dead tired today. we messed around for almost two hours and then we talked to each other until 2 in the morning and finally went to sleep. and it was great waking up this morning being right next to him. we just hung around his house for a few hours and then jeremy got there and we hung out some more...tried having sex again but we were both way too tired from last night.... we talked about sex and decided that we've done pretty much everything we can do in that department...and everywhere we can in his room....for some reason we're still determined to try the car.... and i got home tonight at about 7...so that was my past two days...in a sense..i left a few things out but i dont feel like getting into them...so um...yeah, cheers then.

today was a pretty good day...maybe a few complications with a few people...well ok maybe alot of people...but it turned out ok. i went to mike's and stayed till almost nine. that was nice...very....very....very........very..... nice....yes.... i've been to his house every day this week...actually everday since like last thursday...and i'm going to try and stay at his house tomorrow night...all night...yes... um...well...i know that's not much to say after two days...but it's all i feel like saying bc it's the most important part... i could metion the fact that rick and ashley came over to mike's today...and then we took them back to rick's to get his guitar chord...and some people were there...and then we went back to mike's and i feel asleep and stayed asleep while they were playing guitar and drumming...loudly apparently... but ok..well i guess that's it...cheers me love...

well today was pretty damn good. i woke up at 10 and got dressed and stuff cleaned up a bit and then went to mike's and once again my dad called while i was there but.... yesterday we didnt have sex so he promised today he'd give me the best sex of my life...and i'm pretty sure he was right. it was indeed the best sex i think i've ever had. we tried some new things, and it went pretty well, and after i was finally getting the feeling back in my body..he wanted to do it again...but we didnt get a chance but guess what... jeremy's back. yeah he came to mike's today and he's staying to graduate...wooo...which means maybe soon mike can move out of his parent's house and live with jeremy... anyways...i cant wait to see daryl again...there's somethings that i want to talk about...with him...sort of...i think.. ok well im going to watch my movie and find something else to eat...so um cheers...

well today was awesome...for me anyways... and im sure for mike too... there was this dating abuse presentation thingy for a lot of my classes..i went to it in first, fourth, and fifth. i only went to 3 of my actual classes and spent fifth and sixth with mike. it was great to have a day where we dont do any work...yeah..i decided to go to school in case you havent put that together yet... i felt pretty good this morning and i feel a lot better right now...except for i think i still have a bit of a fever..and i'm still coughing a lot and stuff. i wanted to see mike after school today but my mom still isnt home so i couldnt ask her. and now i'm pretty bored becuase there's nothing to do..and i'll probably be doing nothing tomorrow except sitting at home...and i wont be doing anything for a long time unless my mom decides to give me some gas money... i have beads... grr i hate being sick. of course if i wasnt sick i'd be on my way to georiga right about now. so i'm going next weekend instead...which means i'm hoping my mom will let me see mike this weekend...since i cant next one...so maybe she will. maybe monday... well i guess that's about it...the only bad part about today was that i only got to see daryl in first which wasnt that great bc mike was in there too listening about abuse...and we've both been picking on each other about being abusive all day. both of us can be...most of the time... ok well now that's it and i'm going to ...find something to do..i guess...idk.. cheers

well today was..interesting. for almost two periods me and daryl were in a debate over ....well a lot of things but in a general sense...war and words...and...the part that seemed the most interesting to me..was that rikki..was on my side...yeah...my side..she agreed with me and supported my argument...it was fun except for mike being against me. and then picking on me the rest of the day about it. the rest of the day was pretty normal...and i'm anxious for two reasons..one i'm waiting for the movies tonight...and two i'm wiating until i can go to mike's tomorrow because i havent had sex in like two weeks and i know that we both want it. then later on me, mike, daryl, and kady are going to see a movie. if we go to palatka then we cant see underworld because it's not there..and if someone else went that could drive...we could go to gainesville..but i dont have the money for a trip like that nor do i feel like driving that far. i get tired of being "the one with the car" all the time. but the bad part is i dont always trust other people's driving skills..so i feel like i should drive most of the time... anyways...my mom just went out for the evening..with who...oh yeah..her ex husband...fun fun fun... and i know..for a fact...that she will be having sex in our house this weekend...something none of you wanted to know..but i thought i'd share...yeah...it sucks worse for me...i mean god..you dont have to share the same house with the woman... mike's cleaning his room and his house right now so he can see me tomorrow..isn't he sweet. i cant wait to see him tomorrow...i'm going to go as early as i can to his house...well as early as my mom will let me. i still have over an hour before i can leave....arggg... my mom gave me money....i know, i'm as shocked as you are... anyways..i think i'll go enjoy being by myself for a bit and go smoke...until next time... cheers...

well today was boring...and completely horrible and it keeps getting worse. and i fucking hate my mother and wish she would go somewhere and leave me. just find something in some in las vegas to keep her there and forget about me and never ever come back. fucking bitch complains that i have an attitude towards her when i was trying to sleep earlier and she comes in the sits down beside me and starts talking about herself...i dont fucking care woman...and then she wouldnt let me go back to sleep and made me get up to feed the stupid fucking dog...then she keeps trying to talk to me and i hate a bad day and i dont feel like hearing her pointless bullshit...my fucking god i'm sorry that i'm not the happiest person ever...whenever she has bad days she's the biggest bitch in the world i dont care what she says... anyways, i went looking for a job today...no luck there...son of a bitch at golden coral makes me fill out yet ANOTHER application..asked me why i wasnt available every single fucking weekend and i said oh becuase i have to go see my father every now and then...but i can work if you need me...then asks me a bunch of questions and i'm thinking...yeah...i just might get this job..and then he says...well most of our business is on the weekends so sorry...keep trying tho... bastard... i am having an emotional fucking breakdown right now and i wish to fucking hell that my mother wasnt around because i'd fucking leave if i could...i'm so sick of everyone's shit...it's driving me insane...

walking on this road that leads to nothing it's like the first couple of days after a breakup...akward...but you're determined to be friends again.. i'm not sure what impish means... today was unusually boring..and tomorrow will probably be the same way. well..during school at least. all i hear are reasons to stop my addictions like what happened to them will be my fate as well random lines keep popping into my head...obvioiusly... why dont fairy tales end with children...do they never have kids? the excess drives me mad i think you can do much better than me

I can feel you breathing in the silence of our beating hearts while I watch you sleeping my eyes burn with tears you deserve more what else can i give you my heart, my life, my soul I know this is what you want your face never leaves my thoughts my love grows with every mistake is this really enough my distraction brings you tension without you I am dead among the living in your eyes I can see the things you're afraid to say I promise to love you forever if you promise to never leave for every moment you're not with me there is a tear to match every night I can't sleep because you're not here laying with me how could there be anyone else what was I thinking words cannot describe my love I need you to keep me breathing

underneath the dew stained trees rest wispers of forgotten names wilted flowers lay tangled with memories left to be blown away then replaced on the next ocassion it's so easy to forget shoe prints and tear stains left on lifeless concrete surrounded by the lost years pass and names disappear angels always standing guard to watch the hands lifting from the flames rotting flesh sings to the keeper demons dance around hollow ground expressions lost from last thoughts tainted to mistake relief hiding hopes of wasted nights secrets live on through misfortune the room grows dark and voices are heard the corpse becomes us this love never dies