So yea let's see... not much of excitement going on today. Had my AP Human Geography exam today. I skipped eighteen questions (oops...) and I accidently fucked up one of my essay questions so I doubt that I'm going to pass... oh well. We get results June 1st, which is such a long-ass time to fucking wait but shwatevs. So bad stuffs been happening. I'm a little upset that Jesse's going to be leaving this/maybe next week. I'm a little upset that my mom doesnt know what's going on and that if she finds out I have the danger of being shipped off to New York against my will. I'm a little upset that Patrick keeps wanting to do it with me and I'm really sad and dont feel like it. And I'm also really upset that I havent told him any of this yet and I keep beating around the fucking bush. I'm really happy about how I'm doing in school though. I'm really happy about this weekend and my birthday and about me and CC's relationship and my mom and dad and my relationship too. I'm sad that I've started smoking cigarettes again and that I have work Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm weirded out that for thespian initiation I have to wear a toga to school tomorrow. I'm happy that I have 94 service hours. I'm sad that I cant talk to anyone about how happy about things and sad and weirded out and utterly confused I am about things. I'm sad that I put on a happy face no matter what when I should be happy because my life isnt crap like I make it out to be. I'm sad my brother's doing so much coke and that my best friend did it with him even though I didnt do it. I'm glad that I had enough will power not to. I'm glad that Patrick helped me with that but I'm sad because I dont know how much longer I can hold out. I'm sad that I can feel the gap between one of my best friends and me widening. I'm sad that she gets scared when I guess what she did on the weekend when I wished she was with me on my birthday. I'm sad that she left me to do it with some guy she didnt know until that day or even love. I'm sad that she got nervous that I knew when she didnt tell me. I'm sad that she didnt tell me. I'm sad that she hasnt talked to me about it yet. I'm sad that she doesnt care enough to talk to me about things like we used to. I'm sad that I cant either. I'm sad that she's left me. I'm sad that I cant tell her all of this. I wish I could speak... Roxie