Mmm so yea work today. Excited (not) about that. Yesterday was an okay day... it had it's ups and downs. Patrick was chasing me around the kitchen and he went to go under the counter and he ran smack into the counter and he like collapsed on the ground. He has this huge-ass friggen lump on his head right now and he had to go to his first day of work right after ohmygiddygoddygoodness. Wowzers so yea that was yesterday... Today I'm just waiting to go to work... so that I can get it over with. Bad state of mind to be in, it will only pass slower this way so urrr whatever I dont even care about anything anymore. I want to do acid. Acid. Acid. Acid. Acid. Accccciddddd. You dont even know. Goshhhh. I'm all fucked up man. Alllllll fucked up. In totality of things. I'm torn. Things'll get easier but I just dont know. So Patrick keeps wanting to have sex. It's like what's always on his mind, not in the back of his mind either, riiiiight up front, before he thinks about my well-being. And I dont wanna be a bad girlfriend or anything but man I just am so fucked up feeling right now. I think he got the wrong impression on Friday, I was soooooooo so so sooooooooo extremely happy on Friday afternoon and I'd give anything to get that back. But with all this Jesse shit going on I'm. Just. So. Fucked. Uppp... inside and in my head and my ears and everything. I want to give him what he wants because I want him to be happy, just because I'm not doesnt mean he shouldnt be. Irrelevant. But gosh... I dont know. So yes there you have it. I will give you reasons why I should keep putting out for him: -for his ears -for his back scratches -for his never-ending compassion -for his heart -for his once-was beard -for his ability to try a cigarette -for his tolerance -for his helping me not do coke -for his pain and suffering -for his love of shorts -for his smile And I cant think of why I shouldnt... all that keeps coming up is me, me, me, me, meeeee. Im so selfish. I hate myself today. I could keep writing for hours on end but I wont. -Roxie